scarred by KLeena Girl (animal farm read txt) 📖

not real!” She yelled and turned around.
He was gone. Her room looked like it ever did and there was no one beside her in it. Serena pressed her hand onto her face and dared to look again. She was still alone. Of course, she was. What was wrong with her? Why was she freaking out like that?
Serena went downstairs, ate dinner and took a shower. Afterwards she returned to her room. He’s still gone

, she realized, he had never been here at all

, she reminded herself. Having changed into her pyjamas, she carefully lay down on her bed. The fear inside her chest wouldn’t vanish. He was gone. There was nothing to worry about. Lucas was dead and there was no possibility that he would back ever again. As sad as it was, she had to accept it. The realization of this ultimacy brought tears into her eyes. An unwanted sob left her lips and the salty liquid began running over her skin. „Lucas…”, she cried and the tears kept pouring out of her emerald orbits. Though, suddenly the sobs were stuck in her throat. She could feel a presence lying behind her. Both fear and joy spread through her slim figure. A pair of warm hands embraced her waist and pulled her in.
„Shh, I’m here, Serena”, the gentle voice soothed her. Serena entwined her fingers with his. The beating of his heart was sensible against her back and only strengthened her wish for this to be reality.
„Don’t leave me, Lucas”, she cried and her grip became tighter, „please don’t leave me again.”


* * *


The girl stretched her limbs, still half-asleep and let out a long yawn. Her eyes fluttered open and she was blinded by the already shining sun. A few seconds were needed to adjust to it and to make out the shape of a young man, sitting on the edge of her bed.
„Hi”, Lucas smiled down on her lovingly.
„You’re still here”, Serena said matter-of-factly and propped herself up onto her elbows. „Why?”
„Because you asked me to stay”, he replied and kissed her forehead. „Are you okay?”
Serena shook her head. „No.”
„That’s why I came to talk to you”, he said. „You need to sort out that fight with David.”
„What the hell are you saying there?” Serena asked unbelievingly. „David is my least problem right now. I'm just seeing a ghost, I'm talking with you in this very second! I might as well be losing my mind!" Her rant was both longing and rejecting. Lucas was so close to her. How long had she been dreaming about this? How many time had she spent praying to that God she didn't even believe in to bring Lucas back to her? Serena had lost count. And yet, here she was, her wish granted, but she couldn't decide whether it was good or bad. A part of her knew that he wasn't able to be with her. The other side, however, felt attracted to Lucas more than ever. The desire to touch him became overwhelming. Serena lunged forward to place a hungry kiss onto those familiar lips. Lucas didn't push her away, but instead replied her kiss with the same passion. A little out of breath they parted.
„Serena, I need you to listen to me", he whispered as he held her flushed face in his hands. „You have to talk to David. Just give him a chance."
„No", she said sharp and passion turned into anger, „why should I? He doesn't deserve to be forgiven."
Her lover sighed. „Trust me on this, my love. If you keep this up, you'll only end up hurting yourself. And I can't let that happen."
„You don't understand how the way he acted all this time has affected me", she justified her opinion, „that was what almost had me destroyed."
„I promised to protect you no matter what happens. Just do and try as I say. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing you wasted." His forehead rested against hers. „I know how hard it was you. After my death. I know that it sent you through hell. That's why I won't stand next to it and watch this time. I love you, Serena."
„If that's true, then stay", she pleaded and her eyes gleamed with hope, „Don't go away again. Ever. It's you I need to be happy. I love you so much!"
Lucas couldn't stand the pain in her voice anymore. Tentatively he lay her arms around her slim figure and pulled her into a tight hug. „I know, Serena, I know." He kissed her soft, slightly unruly hair. „I never wanted to leave you, my love. And I would stay if I could. But it's not...possible."
„But you're here. You're here with me!"
„You are the only person who is able to see me right now. We could be together like this. Though, would this be enough?"
„I don't care if others can't see you. I love you and if it's the only way to be with you, I'm willing to give anything to have with me!" Desperation appeared in her words. She wouldn't lose him again. No, she would fight for him!
„Don't say that, Serena", he asked her and rocked her gently, „don't make this any harder. I just want you to be happy and - "
„Then why did you come back at all, if you're just going to disappear from my life again?" Serena freed herself out of his embrace and looked at him, the hurt visible in the green orbits.
„I told you, you need to talk to David again and - "
She interrupted him a second time. „If that's all you came for, then you'd better leave right now." She was up in a swift movement. „You heard me, Lucas! Go away! Leave me the hell alone!"
The girl was torn. She wanted to pull him in and push him away at the same time. Trembling she picked up her pieces of clothing and started to dress. Finished, she turned around to snap at the confused man. „Why are you still here? I thought I've told you to fuck off!"
Her heart ached at her own words. But she had to be cruel, otherwise she would continue to live in her dream world. She couldn't risk losing reality, even if it meant losing the imagination of Lucas.
„I'm sorry", the young man whispered and within the blink of an eye, he was gone.
Serena couldn't endure the mixed feelings inside her any longer. Exhausted she sank to her knees and bent over, so that her forehead met the floor. The psychological pain had turned physical. Her insides were twisting.


* * *


Lucas didn't come back the following nights. Serena seemingly had achieved her aim of casting him off. However, that fact didn't make happy at all. She already missed him again and wished she hadn't acted so maliciously.
„Hey beautiful", some boy called her, „let me buy you a beer!"
„Sure", she answered airily and took the drink from him. It wasn't her only one this evening and she had already drunk a few jiggers of booze.
As pathetic and alarming as it was, the alcohol helped her at least to distract herself from her problems, even though it couldn't make her forget them. After Lucas had vanished from her life again, she made it a bit to drown her mind and to have fun. Usually she went out alone. She didn't even need to spend money at such nights, because she always found some young men blind enough to buy her anything, when she made eyes at them.
In a strange way, she enjoyed being admired by them. For once, she didn't care about love, friendship or any real, deep emotions. She lived for the moment. So, Lucas didn't want to see her wasted? Well, he was going to get his wish. Just watch me

, Serena thought, when the boy drew her in his arms to dance. She was young, sexy and free. No, she wouldn't waste herself!
Foreign lips were pressed on hers and she lost track of her thoughts. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to be touched. The hands seemed alien to her and didn't remind her of any care Lucas had ever made her feel. But for now, pleasure and lust was all that mattered.
Quietly, she entered the house, when she came back home at around 4 am. Releasing her tired feet, she slipped out of her high heels and tiptoed upstairs in her tights. Without even switching on the light she went into her room and began to change into her nightwear. She was about to roll the shirt over her bra-covered chest, when she suddenly paused. Serena let out an annoyed sigh. „Why are you here again?"
Surprised that she had noticed him without even looking, he slowly walked out of the dark corner and watched her continuing her endeavours.
„You need to stop", Lucas said assertively.
„No", she drawled out deliberately emphasized. „I need to sleep. Now leave me alone."
She went past him, her shoulder brushing his arm. Without further ceremony, she let herself fall into the sheets and closed her eyes.
„Serena", Lucas tried again, „We need to talk and you know that. It can't go on like this."
The girl stubbornly turned her head face away from him.
„Serena, I know you're awake", his tone grew slightly impatient, „Why are you doing to this to yourself?"
Green eyes snapped open. „Why don't you just go away and let me live?"
„I told you, I want you to make things clear with David. The way you treat each other is not healthy for any of you. I promised to protect you from being hurt." He breathed in. „I mean, look at you. I haven't seen you in such a broken state since your attempts to commit suicide."
„What the - ?" An upset voice answered and the girl turned and sat up in the bed. How did he dare to bring that up? „What about your death? What about the day of your funeral? Or rather the night afterwards? What about that moment I found out about David's Leukaemia? Or the morning I woke up to see myself rejected by Adam because I'm not able to let go of the past?" She took a short break to hop from the bed and to stand up straight. „There were so many times, when I've felt utterly miserable and you never were there! So why do you care about me now?"
„I've always care about you! And I was. I was there. At every time." The young man approached the girl who had her arms crossed over her breasts. „And I know you saw me. But it scared you, so I changed it to watching you from afar."
Slowly her arms fell down and hung loosely at her sides. „Does that mean...I've really seen you after you had died?"
„Yes", Lucas confirmed her realization.
Serena hesitated for a moment. „And Jenny...she saw you, too?"
„Yes", he said another time, „you twao saw me because you were the closest people to me. I know it wasn't right, but I had to come back to see you..."
She swallowed hard. „You have seen me with David then? Haven't you?"
Lucas dodged her sad gaze, which sought for his in the moonlit room. „Serena...I...yes, I have."
Serena shut her eyes for a second and looked at him again. This time he met her eyes, which were beginning to water. Her voice was barely about a whisper now. „I'm so sorry, Lucas. I'm so sorry." An devastated sob. „But I don't understand...how can you, if you know, how can you still love me? How can you still come back and want me to resolve the