The Book of Good Manners by W. C. Green (brene brown rising strong .txt) 📖

left of the clergyman, facing the audience. It is a good plan for both the groom and best man to leave their hats in the vestry, but if the groom has not done so, he gives his hat and gloves to the best man on the approach of the bride, and advances to meet her. He gives her his left arm, and together they stand before the clergyman.

At the proper moment he receives the ring from the best man and hands it to the bride.

It is no longer in good form for him to kiss the bride after the ceremony, but after receiving the congratulations of the clergyman to give her his right arm, and together they lead the procession to the vestibule.

CLERGYMAN. While the bride selects the officiating clergyman, it is the place of the groom to call upon him in regard to the details, and to pay him the fee.

If the clergyman from any cause—as, living outside of the State—cannot legally perform the ceremony, a magistrate should be present to legalize the marriage, and should receive a fee.

DRESS-EVENING WEDDING. He wears full

evening dress.

DRESS-MORNING OR AFTERNOON WEDDING.

He wears afternoon dress, consisting of a double-breasted frock coat of dark material, waistcoat, single or double (preferably the latter), of same material, or more usually of some fancy material of late design. The trousers should be of light pattern, avoiding extremes. The linen should be white, and the tie white or light material, and the gloves of gray suede. These, with patent-leather shoes and a silk hat, complete the costume.

EXPENSES. He pays for the license fee, the organist’s fee, and a fee to the sexton.

Nothing less than five dollars in gold, clean bills, or a check in a sealed envelope, or more, according to social position and financial income, should be the clergyman’s fee. Should there be one or two additional clergymen, he pays a fee to each, the fee of the officiating clergyman being double that of the others.

He pays for the carriages of the ushers, the one for himself and the best man, and the one which takes away the married couple on their wedding trip.

He pays for the bouquet carried by the bride, and, if he wishes, for the bouquets carried by the bridesmaids. He also pays for the cuff-buttons or scarf-pins, and, if he wishes, for the gloves and neckties given to the ushers and the best man.

He pays for the wedding-ring—a plain gold one, with initials of bride and groom and date of marriage engraved thereon. He may also present some souvenirs to the bridesmaids.

He may give a farewell dinner a few evenings before the wedding to his best man, ushers, and a few intimate friends. He sits at the head of the table and the best man opposite, and on this occasion he may give the scarf-pins or cuff-buttons, also neckties and gloves, if he wishes, to the best man and ushers.

FAREWELL DINNER. See BACHELOR’S FAREWELL

DINNER.

GLOVES. At a morning or afternoon wedding, the groom wears gray suede gloves.

At an evening wedding he wears white kid gloves.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride and groom enter first, and are seated at the principal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The groom and his bride stand side by side and receive the congratulations of all present. The guests serve them refreshments.

See also BEST MAN. BRIDE. USHERS. All items under WEDDINGS.

GROOM’S FAMILY. See FAMILY OF GROOM.

GROOM’S FATHER. See FATHER OF GROOM.

GROOM’S MOTHER. See MOTHER OF GROOM.

GUESTS.

GUEST OF HONOR AT BALLS, if the ball is given in honor of some special person, he should be met on his arrival, introduced to the women of the reception committee, escorted to the seat prepared for him, and be attended to the whole evening by the management of the ball.

At the end of the ball, he should be escorted to his carriage.

LATE AT DINNERS. When a guest arrives late he should make a short and suitable apology to the hostess, and then take his seat as quickly and as quietly as possible.

The hostess shakes hands with the guest, but does not rise unless the guest is a woman.

The host should in either case rise and meet the guest, and assist him in finding his seat, and endeavor, by making the conversation general, to distract attention from the event.

For duties of guests, see other functions—

as, BALLS—GUESTS, CHRISTENINGS—GUESTS, etc.

HANDSHAKING—INTRODUCTIONS. Women and men on being introduced may shake hands, but it is not good form. A polite bow, a smile, and friendly recognition is more correct. If an advance is made by either party, it should be immediately accepted.

HAT.

MEN—CALLING. When making a formal or brief call, the hat should be carried in the hand into the parlor.

In apologizing to a woman, opening a door, or rendering any service to a woman in public, or in answering a question, the hat should be raised.

When seeing a woman to her carriage, he should raise his hat upon closing the carriage door. When attentions are offered by another man to a woman whom he is escorting, a man raises his hat in acknowledgment of the courtesy and thanks the party.

In a street-car a man raises his hat when giving his seat to a woman.

On the railroad a man removes his hat in the parlor-car, but not in the day coach.

In an elevator a man should remove his hat in the presence of women.

In hotels where corridors are reserved and used as places of meeting and recreation by the guests, no hats should be worn. Standing uncovered when talking to a woman on the street is generally embarrassing to her, and it is better to make a polite bow and replace it after a few seconds.

MOURNING. A crape band around the hat should be worn—the width of the band being determined by the character of the bereavement.

HIGH TEA. This is an elaborate entertainment, and an elaborate menu is generally served.

CALLS. Calls should be made in person one week after the event.

GUESTS. Guests wear evening dress, and should not remain more than half an hour.

INVITATIONS. These are engraved, and the hour for the entertainment specified. They should be issued in the name of the hostess only, except in such cases when the entertainment is the occasion of a debut or another woman assists, in which event her name appears likewise.

The invitations should be promptly accepted or declined.

MEN. Full dress is worn, but men do not wear gloves.

WOMEN. Full dress is worn.

HOME WEDDINGS. Weddings at the homes of the brides vary much, according to the taste of the participants. The ushers, bridesmaids, best man, and maid of honor are generally dispensed with; but if present, their duties are the same as at a church wedding, with minor differences.

The clergyman stands in a large room decorated with flowers, facing the audience, with the groom beside him. The bride enters on the arm of her father, followed by the bridesmaids and ushers, and the ceremony proceeds as at a church, with the usual congratulations to the groom and best wishes to the bride.

Refreshments are served, either formal or informal. At an afternoon ceremony men wear the regulation afternoon dress, and if in the evening, the usual evening dress.

HONEYMOON, See WEDDING TRIP.

HONOR, SEAT OF. The seat of honor is at the right of the host.

HOST.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS—HOST.

BACHELORS’ DINNERS. See BACHELORS’ DINNERS—

HOST.

BACHELORS’ TEAS. See BACHELORS’ TEAS—HOST.

BALLS. See BALLS—HOST.

DANCES. See DANCES (FORMAL)—HOST.

DINNERS. See DINNERS—HOST.

MATINEES. See MATINEES—HOST.

THEATRES. See THEATRE AND OPERA PARTIES

GIVEN BY MEN.

HOSTESS.

INTRODUCTIONS. Introductions to the hostess at an “At Home” or reception by women assisting hostess, to those who have been invited to the entertainment by them, are not recognized thereafter unless by mutual consent.

The hostess receiving in her own home should offer her hand to all to whom she is introduced.

The hostess introduces her immediate family to all her guests. No formal permission is necessary.

In the case of one woman desiring an introduction to another, the hostess should be asked to bring this about.

INTRODUCTIONS BY CHAPERONES. At entertainments both the chaperone and her protege should enter together, and the chaperone should introduce her protege to the hostess.

WOMEN CALLING UPON. When calling formally upon a hostess, a woman should leave a card, whether the hostess was at home or not.

When a son enters society, his mother, when calling, can leave his cards for him, and invitations to entertainments will follow. If it is impossible for him to leave cards for himself she may continue to do so.

WOMEN LEAVING CARDS ON. When a mother leaves her daughter’s card, it is for the hostess only.

HIGH TEAS. See HIGH TEAS—HOSTESS.

HOUSE PARTIES. See HOUSE PARTIES—HOSTESS.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS—HOSTESS.

MATINEES. See MATINEES—HOSTESS.

SHAKING HANDS. See SHAKING HANDS—HOST.

WEDDINGS. See MOTHER OF BRIDE.

HOURS.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS—HOURS.

BREAKFASTS. See BREAKFASTS—HOURS.

CALLS. See CALLS—HOURS.

DINNERS. See DINNERS—HOURS.

GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES—HOURS.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS—HOURS.

MUSICALES. See MUSICALES—HOURS.

RECEPTIONS. See RECEPTIONS—HOURS.

WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS—HOURS.

HOUSE FUNERALS. See FUNERALS—HOUSE.

HOUSE PARTIES. These usually refer to a group of congenial persons, numbering from four to

twenty-four, and visiting country homes, making a stay of a few days or a few weeks.

DRESS. The length of the visit and the nature of the house party determines the extent of wardrobe necessary. A guest should carry at least three changes of suits—one for the morning, one suitable for afternoon entertainments, picnics, etc., and the regulation evening dress.

GUEST. To be a welcome guest the visitor should accommodate himself as much as possible to the plans of his hostess and the ways of the home life.

A visitor should avoid the common mistake of refusing to make a choice when a choice is offered.

A guest should try to be congenial with the other guests, kind to the servants, and to be considerate of all others.

EXPENSES. The hostess should furnish transportation for both guests and baggage to and from the station.

Each guest should pay for all expenses incurred by him, and be especially careful, in the case of sickness or misfortune, that some items are not overlooked.

LETTER AFTER DEPARTURE. If the visit has been more than two days, the guest should write a short letter to the hostess, telling of the pleasure the visit gave them and their safe journey home.

A guest so desiring might send some trifle as a gift to the hostess.

TIPPING SERVANTS. Unless a hostess positively requests her guests not to tip, a guest, when leaving at the end of a visit at a private house, should remember the servants.

The average American, from lack of a definite standard, too often errs on the side of giving too much.

Those giving personal service should be remembered, as well as those who render service—

as, the coachman and outside servants.

HOSTESS. While careful to provide entertainment for her guests, a hostess should be careful not to overentertain, and to allow each guest ample time in which to enjoy themselves any way they please. If an entertainment is planned for the afternoon, it is well to leave the mornings open, and VICE VERSA.

The success of the hostess depends on her making the guests feel free from care and ENNUI.

CARING POR THE SICK. In addition to the regular care of the guest’s room and attention to his comfort and pleasure, a hostess should double her energies in case her guest is sick.

She is not called upon to pay for the expenses of telegrams, doctor’s bills, medicines, etc., contracted by the guest. If a guest departed without attending to these matters, the hostess would have to pay for them.

GIVING FAREWELL, To VISITORS. A hostess should, in