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scare the hell outta you . . . better said, I wanted to scare that fuckin’ Catholic Church outta you. With all the shit I’ve said, you gotta know I couldn’t just keep lettin’ you leave my life like through a turnstile. I was too close to losin’ you this time, Fi . . . like forever. There was no way I was gonna let it happen again. I left shit in The Bishop’s hands . . . you’d have to know him to understand. Nothin’ he did was without my okay. He had to protect his business and I had to protect you and teach some very bad people some life lessons. I was more than good with the guys kidnappin’ you back here where you’d be safe. It coulda been done in a less traumatic way, I get that now, but there was a point to be made. If I’d fuckin’ known about that motherfuckin’ cocksucker . . . well, he’s not gonna bother us anymore. Lombardi, Foley, and that pedophile whore . . . they’re out of our lives forever too. You’re stuck with me, Fi. I’ve proven I’d walk through Hell to get you, and I ain’t gonna let you go.”

She shoved her head into my chest and squeezed as tightly as she ever had in all our years.

“How about . . . I break . . .” Before she could finish her statement, I turned her face to me.

“Oh, no, you don’t. If you’re gonna say those words, you better look me dead in the eyes when you do.”

Without a second’s hesitation, she stared deeply into my eyes and said, “I’m breaking all of my vows for you . . . Crucifix. Every one of them. I’m never going back.”

She could tell me she loves me all day long, but saying those words one time from her heart said a lot more.

“I love you too, Snaps, and I’m not gonna let go of you, no matter what.” I pulled her in and whispered, “Ya know, when you asked if I thought we weren’t meant to be born . . . my answer is ‘fuck, no!’ We’re meant for each other and have been since the second I saw you.”

22

How Did You Love?

I stood there holdin’ her and couldn’t figure if it was more that I was doin’ it for her or to her for myself. With Fi in my arms, in my room, and knowin’ she wasn’t gonna put up a fight, I was finally dialin’ back the rage and pain I’d been feelin’ for so long.

“I think it’s time for you to get cleaned up.” She looked at me with the first sly smile I’d seen since she showed up at the Mounds a few nights before. Did she smile then? “Oh, no . . . I don’t mean like that. I’m sure after all the shit you’ve just been through, you need to actually be clean . . . like washed . . . in a shower.”

She pouted and I spun her around, grabbed one of my old t-shirts, and a pair of sweats before pushin’ her toward the door. When we got into the bathroom, I thought about Rattler touchin’ her and about what he’d said before he died. Mouthwash.

“First things first . . .”

I handed her the bottle and she took a big swig, swished, and then did it again. While she was doin’ that, I grabbed a few towels and let the water heat up. We’d done a lot of crazy things sexually and with the intense penance I’d made her serve, but we’d never done anything as simple as showerin’ together. She needed to know she was safe, and when I thought about it, I’d never gone outta my way to make a chick feel safe. I’d protected a few, but makin’ the effort to actually give them the feelin’ of safety, nah, that wasn’t my deal.

None of them were her. None of them would ever be her.

“Okay, now let’s start washin’ the slime of the Catholic Church off ya . . . not for nothin’, but it made me feel better when I did it way back when in this exact shower.” I peeled off my t-shirt and remembered all the shit that’d happened earlier and hoped there wasn’t any of their blood where she’d nestled into my chest. I needed to wash all of that crap off just as much as she did, and lookin’ at her standin’ there wrapped in my sheet and nothin’ else made me smile inside. Anything other than that fuckin’ habit, but in a sheet from my bed, it was even better. I pulled down the black material, wrapped my fingers through Fi’s, and led us into the shower.

“Ya know it’s too late to take back what ya said before . . . it was too late as soon as your friend showed up at my club.”

“I know . . . I finally know.”

I shut the door behind us and cornered her against the wall as she whispered, “Believe me, Crucifix. I had a lot of time to think and pray while I waited in the rectory. In my soul, I know. God gave me the answer to a prayer I never dared dream of.”

My lips found hers and I tried to hold back and be gentle before sinkin’ my tongue in to devour her. I pulled her around in front of me without lettin’ go of that incredible mouth, and when the water started to spray between us I drank every drop from her lips. It was such a new feelin’. Warmth. Love. Peace. Home. I pushed her back against the wall and started to kiss deeper and harder.

Slow down. Don’t freak her out.

“I know you aren’t used to me bein’ soft with you, but you could

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