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is how you didn’t fuck her and how you really fucked yourself.”

I positioned the nail over his balls and swung the hammer like I was swingin’ for the fences at Yankee Stadium. Rattler’s reflexes made him try to grab his nuts and he ripped one of his hands free. That had to hurt. They always do it. FOCUS punched him in the face and I continued.

“Sorry, I’m tapped outta my unholy water and barbed wire . . . been a busy day. Hey, FOCUS, man, can you gimme your lighter?” He reached into his side pocket and handed me the cigar torch. When the hiss started, Rattler squealed. “Ahh, good for you! You remember how the Crucifixed goes . . . time for some body modification.”

I took the special crucifix out of my pocket, put on my gloves, and started to heat the metal until it was almost red hot. Then I squatted over Rattler’s head.

“Through him . . .” I pressed the cross into his skin and branded him through the forehead. He was cryin’ like the little fuckin’ bitch he was. “With him . . .”

I walked around to his side and FOCUS stepped back so I could lean over his chest and whisper in an ear, “You shoulda left while you still could . . . you know this next part, but I’ll tell you anyway. In him.”

The blade of my knife was driven deep into his side. I pulled back and did it again and again and dropped it to the floor. I was done. He wasn’t just dead to me. He was dead to the world and we’d make sure it was like he’d never lived to begin with. No funeral. No death certificate. No body to be found.

“You guys take care of the rest of this mess. I gotta get back to Fi and I’m done dickin’ around.”

I wanted her to be afraid of the Catholic Church, not of me. Not of us.

Time for damage control.

21

The Oath

I went directly behind the bar and scrubbed my hands and arms to get rid of Rattler’s venomous blood. Chances were high that I had it on my face, so I splashed it with water and wiped hard with a paper towel. Bein’ covered in blood wouldn’t be a good way to calm her down and make shit right.

What did he mean about tastin’ his cum in her mouth?

What the fuck did he do to my Gingersnap?

I’m sure I was practically runnin’ through the clubhouse like lightning to get to her, but it sure didn’t feel like it. It seemed as slow as walkin’ through Atlantic City taffy. When I got to the door, I stopped long enough to take a quick breath so I wouldn’t bound through and scare her any worse than I already had. I knocked and Magic’s ol’ lady—Lexington—answered the door.

“Crucifix, she’s calmed down a little, but make sure you’re gentle. That poor girl is so confused right now. Make sure she knows how you feel . . . quietly.”

I kissed her on the head and stepped inside. “No worries, Lexi . . . I can handle it from here. Thanks, kid.”

Everyone must know she’s the one—the nun—the one I’ve stayed single for all these years.

Fi was still in the corner of my bed, but instead of wrapped in a tight little ball, she was sittin’ cross-legged with the sheets draped around her. She didn’t look nearly as tight and tense as she had when I left. Thanks, Lex.

“Hey . . . mind if I come sit?” I walked toward the bed slowly and she waved out an arm to invite me over. “You don’t have to worry ‘bout that asshole anymore . . . don’t waste any prayers on him, Fi. You know more than anyone, he doesn’t deserve even one.”

I sat carefully on the edge and she glanced over and then away.

“I’ve been praying for you, Crucifix . . . for us.” She paused and took a deep breath. “I’ll probably go to Hell for saying this . . . but do you ever think that maybe we weren’t meant to be born . . . you and me . . . people like us? They said we were motherless and that Mary and God would be our parents . . . that we owed them . . . all of them . . . and we’ve both paid so much for that. Look where it’s gotten us.”

It was somethin’ I’d thought about over the years—not her, but me. When I got with the Bastards, I realized I was meant to be alive. Every time I’d seen Fi over the years, even if she ripped my heart out, I knew I was supposed to be.

“Baby . . . you and me . . . we were meant to be. I don’t doubt that for a second. I’m not sure what all you know about the bullshit that happened today, but it proved one thing to me.” I paused and fiddled for a cigarette when she cut in softly.

“What did it prove?”

“It proved that no matter how much you’ve trashed my heart out over the years . . . and that’s not a judgment call, just the truth . . . no matter what . . . I would give my life for you . . . faster than I would for any of my brothers . . . in the blink of an eye. If it’d keep you safe, there’d be no price too big to pay.” I lit the smoke I’d been holdin’ and reached my hand toward her slowly. “Fuck, I love you, Fi. No amount of feet walkin’ out the door will ever make my heart go with ‘em. I’m sure you’ve got a ton of questions and you might

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