Lauren Takes Leave Gerstenblatt, Julie (classic literature list txt) 📖

and Louise,” I manage beforeturning bright red again and shutting my mouth.

“So, anyway. My point is this,” he continues. “With onecall, I could tell your husband”—Tim looks at me—“or yourhusband”—he smiles at Jodi—“or your soon-to-be-ex-husband—”

“Oh, he wouldn’t give a flying fuck,” Kat responds.

“—just where you are and what you’re really up to,” Timfinishes. Then he looks directly at me. “Ms.…Jury Duty, was it?”

I can’t believe it!

“Tim Cubix is blackmailing us!” I testify.

“Shh,” he orders, looking around again.

“Holy Fly By Night.” Kat shakes her headdisapprovingly.

“This is so exciting,” I decide, taking a sip of my yummynon-alcoholic, lo-cal smoothie. It’s like my life really is a movie!

“I must apologize for my friends, Lex. Tim. It’sjust that they spent last night pole dancing and making out with women, andnow, meeting you, they’ve come completely undone,” Jodi explains.

“I did not make out with anyone! She did,” I say, pointingto Kat. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that. To clarify,” I falter,wondering why I can’t just shut up.

Kat gives a half wave as if to acknowledge that she is themock lesbian of note.

Under these new circumstances, I just can’t stand thethought of arguing with Kat and Jodi. I lean over and take Kat’s hand in mineand squeeze it. She squeezes back.

I think we’re good. For now anyway.

I’d like to apologize in some small way to Jodi as well,but she’s far too obsessed at the moment with Tim. Which, in my mind at least,means that all is temporarily forgiven.

“Sooooo,” Jodi purrs, moving as close to Tim as she canwithout actually mounting him, “what’s the scoop? Why aren’t you at work rightnow in the Everglades?”

“’Cause I’m hanging with you lovely ladies!” he tries.

“Bullarkey,” Kat states.

“Fine,” Tim says, putting his hands up in an ‘I surrender’gesture. “Would you believe me if I told you that I’m…pulling my own little Thelmaand Louise?” He pulls down his sunglasses for a second and winks a babyblue my way.

“Um…” I begin. Even Jodi and Kat seem to be at a loss forwords.

“It’s true. I needed a getaway. My agent booked meback-to-back on these projects even though I asked him not to, so, between workdemands, and the paparazzi, and Ruby, and the kids—”

“A shitload of kids!” Kat adds. “Some natural, someadopted!”

“—I just…heard this little voice in my head telling me toslip away for a few days. I know it’s not right. I know that my manageris going ballistic right now. I’ve put him in a tough spot. But he’ll figure itout.” He scratches the back of his left hand as if there’s a strong itch therethat just won’t go away.

“And Ruby?” Jodi asks, her bikini triangles quivering inexcitement. “Have you told her where you are?”

Ruby is Tim’s longtime girlfriend, a mega movie star inher own right, whose humanitarian efforts helped promote her to a leadershiprole in UNICEF. Together, they’ve been dubbed Rubix Cube by the media.

“Yes and no. I mean, I live for her and my family. ReallyI do. But I needed a break from my hectic life and she understands. We aretexting, keeping in touch. But she doesn’t know I’m in South Beach.”

“So…you’re just like us!” I say. “Technically, wecould blackmail you.”

Everyone looks at me.

“Not that we ever would,” I add quickly.

“Don’t worry about it,” Tim continues, smiling. “Thecameras will get to me first and spoil everything, just you wait.”

“You need a disguise,” Jodi says. “Something to make youincarnito.”

Tim studies Jodi for a moment, but doesn’t try and correcther malapropism. I instantly like him for it.

“I have a feeling hanging out with you guys might do thetrick, actually. No one really looks at a group of middle-aged women in ahotspot like this. I think I could blend in.”

“Thanks? So, you’re blackmailing us and using us,”I decide, warming up to the idea of this movie star as a real person. “Andinsulting us.”

“Sort of.” He nods. “Awkward question? Could one of youguys get my room key for me at the front desk? My manager always books myhotels, but since I’m not talking to him, I just showed up here and did itmyself, from my cell phone. Then I realized I was kind of screwed. I can’t justwalk up to the desk and check in under my own name, see. The cameras wouldstart flashing in ten seconds. I’d be found out and sent back on the firstflight.”

“Like you broke your parole or skipped out on bail.” Katnods.

“Just like.”

“Have no fears,” Jodi says, standing. “I’ll get the key.What name did you use?”

“Tom Cruise.”

“Seriously?” Kat asks.

“Yeah, he and I have this longtime running joke withhotels, where I check in as him and he checks in as me. It’s hard to explain.”

“Sounds pretty basic,” Kat says.

This whole scenario is striking me as more than a littleodd. Fine, it’s true that Tim would have trouble getting a room without beingdiscovered in an instant. But we just met him like ten minutes ago. How couldsomeone at his level of celebrity hang with regular people like us? And threewomen, no less? Something isn’t adding up. But it’s so much fun that I decidenot to dwell on the fact that this all feels like a little too buddy-buddy toosoon.

Jodi grabs her stuff and heads to the lobby. “I’m off,”she says, looking like a Hollywood starlet again, with the hat and the sexycover-up, the big sunglasses and the metallic beach bag. I can tell she’sloving this whole thing. I mean, she’s about to pick up the key for Tim Cubix’shotel room, which suddenly makes her famous by association, which is almostlike being famous herself. “In the meantime, why don’t you guys take himupstairs?”

“Can’t,” Kat says, looking at her watch. “Look at thetime. Five forty. I’ve got a massage booked with Clooney in twenty minutes.”

“Cool!” I say.

“Joking,” she says back, rolling her eyes. “C’mon, Tim.”She snaps a towel at him. Let’s hit the showers.”

Man, is he fucking gorgeous or what? As we ride uptogether in the elevator, I have to steady myself against a wall as anotherheat wave travels through my body. I look for any signs of distress from Kat.Complete normalcy.