Lauren Takes Leave Gerstenblatt, Julie (classic literature list txt) 📖

you if you wereboring and ugly,” Jodi says, stroking my hair.

Jodi’s so-called logic makes me smile, as always.

“See?” she says. “Such a pretty smile.”

“So…” Kat begins. “What are you going to do about Lenny,exactly?”

“Sleep with him,” I mumble into the pillow.

“What!” Jodi shrieks.

“No!” Kat says.

“I mean, he did come all this way for me. It’s the least Ican do.” I grin.

“Oh, thank God, she’s lying,” Jodi says to Kat.

I reposition myself on the bed. “Ugh! Truth is, I have noidea what I’m going to do. I mean, for all my daydreaming, I never thought of amoment like this one actually presenting itself. I just had these blankfantasies of us…like…on a mountaintop.”

“Like in The Sound of Music?” Jodi wonders aloud.

“Or hanging together at a club,” I continue. “You know,when you go to have your picture taken in front of a blue screen and theyPhotoshop the background in after? My daydreams are nonspecific like that.”

“Sexy.” Jodi smiles.

“You crazy slut!” Kat adds.

“Jeez, you two!” I say, hurling pillows at them. “What doyou want from me? I feel like I’m back in high school and my friends and I areplanning for my loss of virginity.”

“You planned it?” Kat asks.

“You didn’t?” I ask back.

I lie back down and readjust the comforter. “I’m a flirt.That’s all I’ve ever been. A big-talking, daydreaming, romanticizing,cock-teasing good girl. I never thought I’d ever have to deal with thenitty-gritty of infidelity.”

“Oh, it could get nitty…” Kat singsongs.

“And gritty…” Jodi adds melodramatically. I ignore them.

“I guess I’ll have to talk to him, figure out how I feel.I don’t know. He’s so adorable. But…shit. How old am I?” I sigh. “Kat, couldyou open the minibar and pass me a tiny bottle of alcohol?”

This whole thing is actually making me miss Doug. Rightnow I crave the safety of a real-life, stable relationship, even one as distantas ours currently is. I wish I could ask him what I should do in thissituation.

I know, I know, this seems completely counterintuitive.I’m just not used to making big decisions on my own. Doug’s opinion is sostrong, so sure, so ever-present. Even when I don’t ask for it, he gives it tome. Like, every day for the past decade or more. “Those shoes make you looklike a librarian,” for example, as I’m heading out the door to work. Or, “Ifyou washed your car every once in a while, I might take a ride somewhere withyou.”

Oh, that’s right. It’s all coming back to me now. All thetiny criticisms and how they build up until they became a wall around me. Screwyou, Doug! my head screams. You and all your little barbs can just go tohell. “I’m just being sarcastic,” he’s said when I call him on his nastyattitude. “You’re too sensitive, Lauren. They’re jokes.”

Sarcasm, my ass.

I climb off the bed, slide open the door to the balcony,and step outside for some air. I swear, it’s hard to breathe around Dougsometimes, even when he’s 1,200 miles away.

But then I think about how it used to be between us, inthose first years of our relationship and marriage. He was so easygoing andthoughtful, so sweet and funny. Where did he go? And where am I?

“So?” Kat says, stepping outside with me and handing methe world’s smallest rum and Coke.

“I think it’s time for me to call my poor, unsuspectinghusband.”

Jodi wishes me luck and goes to take a shower. Kat and Iturn off the TV to ensure complete silence while I’m on the phone. She busiesherself by mixing more tiny cocktails in plastic cups.

I close my eyes as Doug’s cell phone rings, imaginingmyself in a different hotel room for an entirely different purpose.

“Lauren!” Doug answers on the fourth ring, soundingrelieved. My heart gives a small tug in his direction.

“Hi,” I sigh. I don’t know what to say. I sort of missyou? I’m having fun without you, behind your back? Lenny Katzenberg is herewith me in Florida and I’m pretty sure he wants to do the nasty with me?“How are the kids?”

“Fine now.”

“Fine…now?” I ask. “But, like, not fine beforenow?”

“We just had a little babysitter situation. Jackie had tocancel at the last minute and I’m still in the city. She didn’t want to calland bother you and I didn’t want to call and worry you, so I handled itmyself.”

He sounds proud of his efforts, but I’m not convinced.“Could you elaborate? On how you handled it? Without me?”

“Why do you sound mad, Lauren? There was nothing you coulddo. Relax, it’s fine.”

I’m not mad; I’m furious. With myself.

“But who did you call? Were the kids freaking out? Whatabout Laney? Were they by themselves? Is Jackie okay?” My mind immediatelytravels to the worst-case scenario, in which my children are alone in the houseand have decided to turn on the oven, run the bath, and light some matches forfun while downing bagfuls of peanuts and almonds. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because you’re not home, Lauren. Because there wasnothing you could have done.”

The fact that he’s right only makes me feel worse.

Kat, lured by the sounds of my distress, comes out ontothe terrace to pour me another tiny cocktail. I down it in one gulp and wipe mymouth with the back of my hand.

“I called Mrs. Hunter from next door,” Doug continues.

“The one who killed her cat?”

“They were never able to prove that.”

“Did it hang itself in the basement, Doug?” I amlosing it now. “Did it?”

“It may have been driven to suicide, yes,” he says in aneven tone. “That’s what the police report concluded, at any rate.”

“How does a cat…?” I stop myself. “Is she still with Benand Becca?” I ask in horror.

“No, no. Jackie volunteered to get the kids off the bus atthree thirty, so I sent Laney home early. But when Jackie didn’t show up ontime, I called Mrs. Hunter, who brought the kids to her house for a snack.”

“Dear Lord.”

“Then I spoke to Jackie, who, by the way, didn’t soundremorseful at all and who we will never again use as a stand-in babysitter.”

“But…she’s always been so responsible! Isn’t she getting ateaching degree?”

“Whatever, Lauren. I don’t know