Magus: A Supernatural LitRPG Saga (Apocosmos Book 2) Dimitrios Gkirgkiris (good english books to read .txt) 📖

possibly be for her death? My analytical brain would never let me lie to myself. It was my fault she was at that place at that time. She had wanted to leave but I'd told her to stay.

If I was there earlier... if I hadn't stood her up, we would have read about what happened online the next day and awkwardly smiled at each other, happy that we weren't there.

"I'm sorry, buddy," I said and stroked Louie's back. "It's my fault. I'm sorry."

He turned around and gave my now-healed hand a quick lick before putting his chin on my knee and letting out a deep sigh, his eyes still fixed on the door.

Years passed and we both had to learn to live without her. That didn't mean that he'd stopped waiting for her. He still looked under the door until sleep took him every night.

It pained me beyond reason to see him like that, but I quickly realized I was doing exactly the same thing. The same way he was waiting for her, I was holding on to him. Taking care of her dog because I couldn't take care of her.

At first I pushed people away and they pretended to understand. They gave me space to mourn and as months passed their memory of her faded. They stopped dropping by. Stopped leaving messages. And I preferred it that way. If I heard one more person tell me how I needed to be strong, that she was watching over me, and that I had to carry on with my life, I was sure I wouldn't be able to contain myself.

Leo had invited me to a game of D&D at his place and since I used to enjoy those gaming nights, I decided to go just once. My friends were ecstatic about me joining. They said I should go out more. That I should have fun.

But to me, it felt as if I was betraying her. I wasn't supposed to be having fun. So I played my character in a way that got him killed and never met with them again.

After a few months, my misery had become a friend. I wasn't depressed. It wasn't that I didn't want to get out of bed, but I wasn't excited about it either. I just did. When I told Leo that I'd switch to freelancing from home, he convinced our boss to let me bring Louie to the office every day so that I would stay. So I did. And continued working, day in and day out.

They must have been quite satisfied with my work since almost a year later, they offered me a senior position. This would mean, however, that I'd sometimes need to travel, leaving Louie to a dog sitter. Not to mention I'd have to manage people. Without needing to think about it at all, I rejected the job and Leo got the position.

I worked, I played video games, and I worked out. I lived but I wasn't alive--not in the same sense as the people I saw while walking Louie. People who were laughing loudly, flaunting their blissful ignorance of how fucked up life can be, not appreciating the things they had, and fighting over trivial things. Being fucking arrogant while life had dealt them the greatest hand possible.

It wasn't just people I knew anymore. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen a person that didn't get on my nerves. I hated people, and not in a cutesy introvert attention-seeking kind of way. I hated them because they had it easy. Because they woke up with people they loved. They woke up with the will to live. They woke up with hope.

Hate stiffened and solidified into anger inside me. I felt anger at the parent who let his children shout in a restaurant because they were too busy uploading a story of their burger menu.

Anger at the beggar who thought it was okay to just give up trying and let other people provide for him now.

Anger at the rich for gaming the system and the poor for not trying hard enough.

Anger at people older than me who thought they were entitled to respect just because their parents didn't use protection a few years earlier than mine, and somehow they'd managed to survive this long.

Anger at people younger than me who believed in shortcuts, revolutions, and change, without an inkling of what life really was.

Anger at everyone.

Except for my Louie.

"This why my love for you, Louie," I said, finally looking away from the now raging fire, "is selfish. I'd rather burn the whole world to the ground before I let my last tether to Rhiannon wither."

"Alex," Louie whimpered between my feet. "How can you talk about selfish love when..."

He suddenly started inhaling and exhaling rapidly and I had to scrub his side to make him relax.

"When I've made your life hell for three years," he finally continued. "As if it wasn't enough that you lost her, you had to see stupid me, every single night, waiting for her."

"It's not your fault, buddy," I said and tried to pull him closer, but he ducked and moved a step back.

"Of course it is." He was practically shouting now. "Not being able to understand won't cut it."

"Boys," the dwarf said, his voice weary and shaking.

"If it wasn't for me, maybe you would've--" Louie began again, the fire behind him climbing to even greater heights.

"If it wasn't for you," I said, cutting him off, "I wouldn't have had a reason to carry on."

A sudden silence spread through in the forest clearing, the crackling of the fire the only sound left.

"Don't say that," Louie said, almost too quietly to be heard as he put his muzzle in my hands, instantly easing my clenched fists. "Please don't say that."

I wrapped my arms around him and we remained there for a few moments, in silent understanding. We didn't care about the doppelgänger, or the dwarf, or the god-like Reality Weaver. Nothing else mattered