Kerplunk - It's Over!! by A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends (i can read with my eyes shut txt) 📖

shuffle. It is their job to represent and assist you, but they are extremely busy. After going through the hellish confusion of a criminal trial for months on end, we certainly respect them – and we do NOT envy their stressful jobs!


Assault/criminal trials are not speedy. They are a huge waste of time and a pain in your psyche for months on end. Steel your nerves then just spin up some Dixie Chicks on your iPod and sing “Goodbye Earl” at the top of your lungs as you drive to the courthouse one more time!

After months and months, the trial is finally here. You have been guided by the Domestic Violence Department on what to expect. You have been advised by the Assistant District Attorney and sometimes the District Attorney, and coached by your own lawyer (if needed). You are ready for more sneaky out of left field tactics your Honey Bunch might try to pull as a last ditch effort to get you back into his lair and into his life. The trial begins and the police file in and take the witness stand. Other witnesses to the case take the stand and finally you are on the witness stand. When you are on the witness stand, you will need to look at your little Jail Bird to accurately identify him. Look that piece of work in the eye, stare him down and do not let him see you sweat. Stick to the facts of the incident. Show no emotion. This is not Community Theater. Let your husband figure that one out for himself!

“My Ex broke into my house and assaulted me. When we finally got to the criminal trial, I was astounded at the nauseating act my Ex put on when he took the stand! You would have thought I had kept him chained to a pole in the basement for the last 10 years! He tried to pull this whole pathetic, unloved husband act. Then the police and witnesses took the stand. The judge saw right through my Ex.” –Ellie, 45
Be brief and you’ll be fine. The judge will make a decision and we are certain justice will be served in your favor. For some of our girlfriends, their handsome honey is now sporting an oh-so-attractive orange jumpsuit in jail. No shoelaces. No Calvin Klein boxers. So sorry, darling.
After the trial, the District Attorney will tell you about the sentencing. There are several possibilities depending on the severity of his offense. Possibly it will just be mandatory community service and anger management classes. Grrrr! A mere hand slap at best! You will know whether the offenses will be excused or whether they will be on his permanent record. For example, Assault on a Female is a felony offense. If it remains on his public record it won’t keep him off Match.com or deny him membership at the local gym, but it certainly makes him less desirable to employers when they run that little background check. Shame on you, you mean thing! The sentence may involve jail time and oh, yeah, when exactly is he eligible for probation? Find out!

***move this box to “Kids & Custody” ***
3.3 – 4.3 million children are reported to have been witness to domestic violence, but estimates are as high as 25 million.
- Chief John Guard, IV
Chief of Community Operations,
Pitt County, NC Sheriff’s Office ***move this box to “Kids & Custody” ***


Hmm, that is pretty staggering when you consider what little sponges
our kids’ brains are, isn’t it?

We are proper ladies who know good etiquette. Be sure to send old-fashioned hand written Thank You notes to the District Attorney, Assistant District Attorney, your contact in the Domestic Violence Department, the Chief of Police and specific police officers who helped you. They have tough jobs and we respect the really good ones who rise above the others to help us! Your momma will be so proud of your good manners.
If a trip to the Lock-and-Key Resort (Jail) is the next step for your man, (also known as adult detention), your court representative will call and tell you where he is being held. They will give you his own personal inmate number to keep under your pillow at night– aw, sweetie! At this point they will ask if you want to keep track of him, if they should relocate him and any other possible activity. You will typically need to fill out a form, sign it and mail it to them so you will be notified of his future whereabouts and release date.

More Tips on Making The System Work for You
“My Ex was a repeat offender. I ended up the proud owner of eight 3” ring binders full of Restraining Orders, court date notices, police reports, notes, evidence, you name it. Get organized. You will be glad you did.”

“My Ex was an immigrant and I had to deal with ICE and Immigration. Be proactive and make copies of all police reports and other information to provide to Immigration because they will request it.” – Sue, 46

“The crème de la crème of my separation, divorce and criminal trial was realizing that my Ex was a sociopath thus his behavior will be extremely unpredictable and always methodical and frightening. Google ‘sociopath’ and ‘extreme narcissism’. Research the character traits. Theses two personality types are more common that you think. If you know what signs to look for, you can begin to detect patterns and learn to better protect yourself.” – Jo, 54

Many of our girlfriends had difficulty with certain aspects of The System, for example: policemen talking down to them, ignoring them, or not following up with them as promised. So what did the girlfriends do? They went above that the officer’s head. They went to the top, to the Chief of Police. Caution: some of our girlfriends were even warned and threatened their pulling rank would upset “certain people” and that it might make some of the civil servants on our case a lot less apt to “serve and protect” us. Thankfully this is a rare occurrence but nevertheless the truth.
We do have to report that some of our girlfriends had to go one step further in order to have justice served. Do not be afraid to be heard. The System is put in place to protect you so learn how to make it work to help you. Justice will be served if you are willing to stay the course.

Tips for Partnering with the Police
• Just the facts, ma’am
• Be polite and respectful
• Ask questions. If you don’t know…ask until you understand
• Take notes
• Get copies of any and all documents that are generated during this process. (Your Incident Report, the Police Report, the Sentencing Report, Restraining Orders or Protective Orders, etc.)
• Follow all of their procedures…read below

How do you find out whom to ask? Look them up! No excuses when there is the power of the Internet and Google, baby! If the police ask you to follow up with something, follow up. If you follow up and can’t get anyone to help you by phone, then go to the local police station. If you continue to get ignored, go to the Chief of Police. If the Chief of Police ignores you, go to your state assemblymen, congressmen and senators. How do you find out whom to ask? Look them up! No excuses when there is the power of the Internet and Google, baby! Send your representatives snail mail letters (keep a copy for yourself). Make a phone call confirming the address. You may even be lucky enough to talk with your representative and they may have some immediate ideas to help you - some our girlfriends experienced this. Send a copy of the same letter to them via email, as well. Print a copy for your files.
If you hadn’t guessed by now, you will need a big file box (Walmart has some really fun colored plastic ones!) and quite a few file folders to store documents, reports, statements, forms, business cards, from police officers, detectives, state representatives, court correspondence, domestic violence information, district attorney information, state senators letters, drug enforcement information, immigration documentation, fraud investigators reports, marriage counselors articles and information – you get the idea.
Keep a daily journal of this freaking freak show because this is now your life, at least for a short time, sweetie. If you write down what happens when it is happening to you, you have covered yourself. Don't forget to add dates and times. Most of our girlfriends were grateful that they did this because they did need and used almost all of this information in the future. (A couple of our girlfriends did not do this and they are still regretting it!) You never know what piece of information you might need later. A note, a letter, a phone record…something that seemed irrelevant at the time might end up being requested by an Assistant District Attorney 8.5 months from now and you will be Johnny-on-the-spot with it!
“The trial was over two years ago and I just got a call from the courthouse asking for a copy of paperwork because they could not find something. Luckily, I kept all of my paperwork neat and organized and I was able to fax it within a few minutes.” – Penelope, 48

What about using your divorce lawyer for the domestic violence trial?
Well, if your husband assaults you or he assaults you while you are going through a separation or divorce, you may get advice from your divorce attorney. However, they practice divorce law and not criminal law and thus will not be able represent you in a criminal trial. If it does go to court – the District Attorney (or Assistant D.A.) will help you for free. Free sounds nice right about now, but there is a good side and a bad side to the District Attorney or Assistant District Attorney representation.
First the positive side: the District Attorney (or Assistant DA) will represent you and the court proceedings will be free, or in other words…at no cost to you! Since your spouse is the one in trouble “with the law” he will be the one paying for a criminal attorney to represent him. He is now being charged with assault on a female, a felony, so he needs the criminal attorney. (We just want to go on record, your Honor and state that we are extremely grateful to the kindly police detectives who took the time to explain this and a whole lot more about the system to us during our Oh-My-Gosh-What-Is-Happening moments! There truly are angels among us!)
Now the flip side: The District Attorney and Assistant District Attorney have many, many cases just like yours. If you keep your wits about you, stay organized and stay on top of everyone, you will fare okay; but we have to be honest, it is going to be very frustrating at times vying for their attention. If you have the coins, the connections and if your case is more severe than you wish to leave up to the free legal eagles, then we suggest you hire a criminal attorney.
We know this is a lot of information to process. After our legal ordeals were over we felt as if we had received a graduate degree on working The System. None of it was pleasant. Not one minute of it, but we are absolutely smarter for having lived through it.