Why We Flop In Love by Santosh Jha (korean ebook reader TXT) 📖

subjective consciousness to accept and accommodate a thing, idea or person in its fold. Therefore, love basically is a very selfish and self-indulged emotion, an expression of the self’s ever-present need to maintain its homeostasis. It is our higher consciousness, which assigns and aligns this ‘selfishness’ to lofty and noble values of life and living in societal space.

Love is a mind-mechanism and process in the side of ‘self’, for enhancement and aggrandizement of the broader need of survival and wellness. When we explain love in these terms, we shall see that there is nothing that remains in the veil of mysticism, magic and marvel. Everything, even weirdest of action-behavior in love can be explained and understood in scientifically calculable ways.

A person’s homeostasis often accepts contradictory ideas. It is possible that a person is a devout faithful, still that person relishing an abusive tongue. It is all in the subconscious. It became ingrained in that person’s subconscious mind probably early in his childhood and now forms part of his or her larger wellness homeostasis. Therefore, this person would love another person, who has similar faith system, however, would not desist from using bad mouth to him or her as the subconscious mind is used to accepting the abusive tongue as ‘good’ and acceptable. You may see a dualism and contradiction in it. You may think, if a person loves you, he or she should use nice language with you and should not be a boozer or a gambler. However, for that person, love is only an expression of his or her ‘self’ and his or her ‘self’ already accepts abuse and boozing as acceptable things for his or her wellness homeostasis.

If you attempt to reason it out with him or her that if he or she loves you, he or she should stop abuse and booze, he or she shall first of all look confused. He or she would not even understand why you are saying this. Because, he or she (his or her subconscious mind), does not see any contradiction and conflict in it. Most likely, he or she shall take your words of reasoning as a threat to his or her wellness homeostasis and would likely to go away. Nobody can compromise with his or her long preserved homeostasis.

Actually, this person loved you because you fitted in his or her larger scheme of homeostasis wellness. Now when you have put up ideas, which disturb his or her homeostasis, his or her sense of wellness is threatened and compromised. He or she is likely to stop loving you, or shall be unsettled and erratic in his or her action-behavior.

The subconscious mind is almost too obsessed with the idea of survival and homeostasis. That is why, when it is faced with some situation, which is unpredictable and for which it has no ready solutions, it shall start creating such ideas for ensuring his or her win and success, which shall be weird and even illusory. Not only that, it would also prompt the conscious mind to go ahead with those weird ideas in terms of action and behavior.

For example, when you ask someone you love deeply to do away with some nasty or not so good habit or idea with him or her. He or she would first resist it saying, ‘why do you want to change me?’ You may tell lot many things to convince him or her but with little success. Consider, what this person’s subconscious mind can come up with. It can device a series of questions, which shall essentially be his or defense against the change you want.

His or her subconscious mind shall create all possible patterns of action-behavior to ensure he or she wins against your suggestion for change. Homeostasis needs to always win for survival.

The person would ask:

Why is there a need for me to change, I am doing perfectly fine!

Why should you ask me to change, can’t you accept me as I am?

Why should I change and even if I have, why should I listen to you?

Oh! Do you think you are God! Even God cannot ask me that!

Why should I change if I am not convinced there is something wrong about it?

If I have to change, only I shall decide, no one has the right to judge me.

I am open to change but only for someone who first accepts me as I am.

I would change only for someone who loves me blindly.

I accept changes but it would be tough as I was made this way.

Give me time, I am a not good at it! Etc.

The general refrain of most people in love is, “why cannot you accept me as I am. The God accepts me and loves me the way I am, good or bad. Why can’t you? Are you greater than God? Love never puts conditions!” Etc.

Remember, the more intelligent a person is, more artistic and ingenious shall be his or her advocacy against change. More unsettled, ephemeral and indecisive one’s overall homeostasis is, more intense and vocally demonstrative he or she shall be in love. However, this person shall be tougher for you to change him or her and shall be equally demonstrative in denying changes.

This dualism needs to be understood. The unsettled homeostasis makes one to seek love more intensely, desperately and sincerely. Such love is usually highly demonstrative and aggressively centrifugal. Love is the emotion of search for larger wellness homeostasis and people, who have larger need for wellness poise, shall be very intense, highly possessive and overwhelming in love. This initially suits love needs of both the partners.

Everyone loves to be smothered and submerged in love’s intensity and its mystically disproportionate multidimensionality. However, this is the seed of big trouble-tree of love. If we wish to be swept away by the storm of love, we need also to be ready of the calamitous fallouts of this storm.

Love in its pure and pious form is never passionate but always compassionate. Love is a ‘well-poised’ consciousness positioning, an innate state of settled internal wellness, seldom in need of passionate and demonstrative expressions. Love’s expression is like systemic serenity of ‘song and dance’ staged within a person’s consciousness. You shall come to relish and feel at peace with his or her innate song-dance positioning, without that person saying anything to you.

The higher consciousness, in compassionate possession of the settled wellness of love shall be calm and composed like a deep ocean and blue sky. Such a person shall be widely accommodative, assimilative and integrative towards everything, like an ocean and sky. Compassion only assimilates; passion can often drift in the storm of disproportionate demonstrations of love.

We shall talk about this dualism and many other aspects of love’s conflicts and contradictions here. We shall definitely talk about how we all can rise above this dualism to be successful in love and intimacy. We are surely not only our mechanism. We are more than our mechanism and this ‘more’ in us can take better control and utility of this ‘mechanism’ when we understand and accept this mechanism and its operative processes in an objective way, through a holistic, assimilative and integrative perspective.

There is no need to reject our age-old ideas about love and intimacy. Because we have already talked that all wisdoms, old or new have beautiful commonality and mutuality in all ideas of humanity. Only their approach is different.

That is why, we shall talk about them in a holistic, assimilative and integrative way, accepting all wisdoms and rejecting nothing.

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Love Wisdom – 3

Life is one long continuity, queued up with a series of constants. The key ‘constants’ are relationships. People, who love you, often accept you as ‘constant’. Naturally, the ‘continuity’ of ‘relationships’ is the casualty. Continuity of love owes it to constant evolving. This dualism needs to be understood and accepted!

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Dualism And Non-Dualism of Love

The larger humanity has always accepted that there is something divine about love. That is partly because the experience, the feeling is amazingly and beautifully satisfying and seems in good congruence and conformity with the archetypal mechanism of divinity.

It is also because the spectrum of this super emotion is still indefinable and unfathomable for most humans. Love, the mysticism of human consciousness is the door to a non-dualistic consciousness and existence, which all genres of wisdom prescribe, be it religion-spiritualism, philosophy, psychology or pure science. Yet, it is so elusive for most, though most intrinsic in all living beings.

Almost all wisdom of humanity since ancient times has prescribed humanity to be in a perpetual and persistent consciousness of love. Every single human being too wants to be in the perpetuity of love. Still, love is the most elusive and evasive content in the lives of humans. It is because; it seems most of humans does not understand love in its non-dualistic avatar or form and remain hooked to its wider dualism. Like, most of us do not arrive and remain at this non-dualistic consciousness. Love in its holistic, assimilative and integrative form is a sure ticket to perpetuity of non-dualistic consciousness.

The key question is how to be in perpetuity of non-dualistic consciousness through Love. Let us attempt to unravel the mysticism of Love and its pluralistic dimensions.

There are levels or stages of development of consciousness. The consciousness in both cosmic sense as well as in individualistic sense starts with raw objectivity (subconscious), traverses through subjectivity (cultural mind) and needs to arrive at pure and exalted objectivity (higher consciousness).

This seems a mysterious and psychic process. However, in contrast, the mechanism is simple. A newborn also loves but his or her love is need based and purely led by survival instincts coded in his or her un-evolved mind since ages. This is a consciousness, which is bereft of dualism, conflict and different pulls of a cultured mind.

He or she grows and loves more as the instinctive love gets rainbowish colors of cultural mind. As we grow, homeostasis is in constant adjustments as we face a complex and colossal societal milieu. That is why, adolescents and teenagers are much more in need of careful and sufficient love, care and intimacy.

This is however, the transitional and supposedly, the worst stage of love. The love has to reach to the stage of pure objectivity where his or her love sheds and unlearns all that his or her cultural mind made him or her accept. This love is a product of higher consciousness and is akin to a newborn’s love but far more pure and truly objective.

There is a stage of life, let us say up to 25 years, when a person builds up his or her consciousness and accepts rather subconsciously, many cultural ideas, realities and benchmarks, making it part of his or her ‘self-image’. This is somehow an auto process as the core mechanism of mind extends the domain of the person’s larger wellness homeostasis, essential for his or her survival and excellence in the ambient milieu.

However, as we talked earlier, many of these ‘self-image’ of his or her consciousness is a product of his or her ambient culture and milieu, which is essentially very localized. They create loads of dualism and conflict within. After say 25 years, when his or her maturity is in right stage, he or she must start the process of very conscious ‘unlearning’, to prune and shed many elements in his or her ‘self-image’, which are at the root of his or her conflicts.

Suppose, a girl is raised by her mother in a single parent family, where she unconsciously was made to accept many negative ideas about her estranged father. As she grows, she is likely to have this in her mind that men are not faithful and she always need to guard her individuality. Irrespective of what is the truth about her father or the fact about men, she has to enter a love relationship with a neutral mind, never a predisposed or ‘affected’ mind. A pre-inclined mind shall hamper her relationship with her man. Therefore,