Why We Flop In Love by Santosh Jha (korean ebook reader TXT) 📖

as mystery is only till mind accepts it otherwise, which was always there even when the person accepted it as mysterious. Like, a man who has not seen a murder happening shall always accept ‘the murderer’ as a mystery but another person who was a witness to the murder shall never say so. Even when someone did not see the murderer, the murderer shall always remain a reality, because, murder is a reality for all. Mystery is on the side of those minds who do not know yet.

The point is, mystery is not on the side of women, they are what they are as something very real and anything but mysterious but men shall always call women ‘mysterious’ as if they still don’t know them but would someday, like the mysteries of cosmos!

Almost all credit of making women mysterious goes to men. Almost all societal, cultural and behavioral benchmarks for women were made by them. Since long, art, literature, sculpture and even scientific research have been all man-initiatives. What men created for women to follow had their natural hypocrisies and internal confusion about what they wanted from ‘their’ own women and ‘other’ women. This naturally had to reflect on women’s behavior as they accepted and behaved the way the dominant men-folk prescribed and commanded.

This issue is so vast and complicated to understand but find a reflection of this hypocrisy and conflict in men which made women ‘mysterious’ by the following example. Men wished ‘their’ women to be within confines of homes and live in veils. They imposed all possible etiquettes on them to keep away from freely mingling with men in society and even in family.

The men then themselves wrote loads and loads of poetry and verses complaining, lovingly or otherwise, about the ‘indifference, coyness and flinching loyalty’ of the women. The center of their energy was ‘other’ women. The father and husband wanted their women to be what men as lovers, pursuers and otherwise grumbled about. The women of those times had to adjust their stifled consciousness between the two conflicting benchmarks.

It was only natural that this dualism made women never a linear personality but a zigzag one. The men would naturally be confounded and they ended up covering their disgust and frustration by calling women ‘mysterious’.

Scientists now admit; all men start as ‘female’ brain as they are born but since ages, a woman’s brain has been vastly conditioned by what the ‘male’ brain wished. So, if women minds are ‘mysterious’ it is only because since ages, male minds have made them a ‘free for all laboratory’ of their own hypocrisies, conflicts and cunning inventiveness for personal gains.

Look at the history of mankind. All male adventures and misadventures have invariably resulted in adding a hell lot of conflicts and chaos in the lives of their women folks. Men shall win wars and women shall be raped and acquired as loot money. Men would lose wars and their women shall commit suicides. A man becomes successful, winner and mighty and he creates a huge harem for himself. A man loses and he shall make the lives of his women worse than those in harems. The men should actually ask, “Why are they the most mysterious creatures on earth?”

Still, globally, especially in the underdeveloped and developing societies, majority of women have one common enemy that is making their lives hell. It is ‘conflict’, which has since ages defined womanhood. The modern women too seem not better off as it is not easy to unwire the brain that has been fed with so much of conflicts for so long. It will take time for a real and true women brain, sans classical mind socialization to come and define women.

Actually, the human brain itself is in continuous evolution and the process is on for almost four million years now. Those were very uncertain and transition phase for humanity and it was only very natural for even the males to behave and act as they did. There is certainly no need for a blame game now. The need is to correct the archetypal stereotypes.

Even hundreds of years back, those men, who had the wisdom to understand life and its goodness, they were good and understood their women perfectly. They respected the individuality of all women, their or others. Today, the numbers of such men have increased but still, lots of brain evolution in most humans, men or women has to take shape.

It is very simple thing to understand, all humans are born as ‘female’ brain. Brain functioning is shaped very partly by genes but mostly by external environment in which the brain functions. The external environment has since ages been male-dominated and still is largely, in varying degrees across the globe.

The behavioral aspects of a male or female brain are a societal and collective product. This product shape has to be what a male viewpoint is. Therefore, if men say, women are mysterious; they must look to resolve the mystery by asking themselves and looking inside their own brains.

If one could accept a woman as a neutral mind and could see through their minds, they would find nothing mysterious. If one could also see the history and cultural shades inside women’s mind, one would never find them mysterious. They could be uncertain, unsure, insecure, conflicting and even stupid at times as men could also be, but never ‘mysterious’.

If you have a mature and evolved male brain, you can easily deconstruct a woman’s mind and when you do it with great admiration, respect and innocent objectivity, you shall find women anything but mystery.

You can easily see through their minds and find that as usual, in a woman’s mind, there are lots of histogenetic shades and contemporary societal impressions as well as colors of individual choices, as is evident in any brain, irrespective of gender divide.

And, if you believe firmly in the beauty of an unjudgmental mind, you shall find all women very beautifully predictable in all their unpredictabilities. This is no ‘mystery’, this is life and living and its garden of gorgeously stunning possibilities and choices, it is women.

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Love Wisdom – 10

Lovers say, ‘I love you’ and joyously believe, it has taken place. This ‘illusion’ is the initial joy in love, but an ultimate calamity.

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Men Are Men, They Must Lead The Change

The markets never fail to push this idea that ‘men are men’. However, as against the advert, the real men are a confounded lot. They ask, ‘what’s actually being a man and what’s so wrong being a man?’ The feminist psychologists are out with the jury, labeling modern man still being influenced by his ‘cave-man-gene’ and still not being in perfect tune with realities that the female world has evolved to.

The men are the confounded lot; they surely are when it comes to assessing their women. The men always have believed women are mysterious and this belief now has more elements of certainty. The men all over the world, especially in more urban-centric developed nations, where modernity has far more changes in women than men, find their women more mysterious. The men are confounded and ask why?

This is where the men go wrong and women probably say rightly that ‘men are men’. They should not ask ‘why’ but should always ask, ‘how’. Changes are evolutionary and when they happen, the smart way is to know ‘how’, never ask ‘why’. The universality and inevitability of change answers all ‘whys’. The solution is in knowing, accepting and appreciating ‘how’.

This cannot be avoided and wished away. Already too much damage has been done and it is men who have to come around to the changes that are wreaking havoc on social fabric. Developed societies fear, as the divorce rate is already half the marriage rate, what is in store for future? That is, half the marriages are failing and that too in quick time. In addition, domestic violence and intimate relationship violence are hitting all time high figures. In urban spaces of most developing nations, the gender conflict has already well into initial gender war, with growing rates of crimes and atrocities against women.

There is a lot that has happened in the female world and that too very fast. However, the man’s intuitive nature and his instincts have not yet evolved. Probably, will not in any near future. It takes years of socialization for any minor change in one’s intuitive behavior pattern. Recent researches have confirmed, female evolution has been better compared to men.

The changes in the environment of females are all too drastic and men feel at loss because they do not know, often not willing to accept, how these changes happened and how to deal with them. Acceptance is the first prerequisite of any meaningful change in male behavior pattern.

Things have almost taken a U-turn for men. Until a few decades back, men would go to work and women folks would be in exclusive charge of the families and household. The men would face the rigors of the work place and when they would come back to home, they would expect their women to be nice, soft, sweet and caring. The women were their wellness-recharge mechanism.

The men always said, ‘they can face the war with the world and still win it if their women supported them back home’. This has happened since thousands of years. Men still expect the same. It is part of their cultural mind and ingrained deep in the intuitive consciousness too. There is nothing wrong about expecting this. However, the evolution has added another equal face to this.

The women today are writing their success stories at work places. They are almost facing the same crisis and conflicts, which men faced since ages in the outer world of work and success. The women too are in huge need of a ‘wellness-recharge’ mechanism, which they had successfully provided to men for ages. They are now in a stage of living choices where they expect men at home to do the same for them. And why not? Home and family have always been this wellness-recharge mechanism. The trouble is, as both men and women are now busy and successful in their respective work places, there is no one back home to handle successfully this age-old role of the wellness-recharge provider.

It has to be understood and accepted. Everyone, be it a male or female, has a limit to his or her goodness. You need a lot of goodness and wellness emotional intelligence at your work place for success and achievement. It is a two-way process. You give a lot of goodness and wellness at an outside environment only when you get it replenished by your family members and especially spouse.

We are now all nuclear families where the entire support system boils down to one person, the wife or the husband. Therefore, every wife and every husband has a lot of and exclusive performance pressure of being the replenish-agent of the precious goodness and wellness.

We all live in a very fast-paced and over-stressed life and living milieu. We are all starved for time. There is an epidemic level crisis of intimacies in relationships, especially between spouses, as we do not have enough leisure and rest. Already, a section of psychologists in America are warning of a huge crisis of ‘sex-less marriages’ and labeling it as cause number one for estrangements between spouses. The intimacy-starved relationships have triggered off the looming crisis of intimacy-anorexia.

Men need to be more proactive and rational in understanding the crisis as women are now in state of relative insecurity and big transition. This is so because they are up against the established norms. They may not right now understand the ‘process of evolution’ as they are more concerned in making a space for themselves in the universe of success and achievements where men ruled for centuries.

Men will have to be appreciative of the fact that the modern times are the times of reciprocal and equitable aspirations between man and woman. Men need to