What if i love you by brea isomee (books to read to get smarter .TXT) 📖

again " don't tell me . . . . . . Damon ?! Lil bra ?"

My mother swatted at his arm as i just watch " boy , can you shut the heck up ? Mind your own business ."

D'shawn still doesn't let it go after that " so , wait : Damon is banging Destiny , got her pregnant and now she's gonna get all fat and shit ."

Hearing him say that added fuel to the fire and Destiny began to cry harder .

" Shawn , can't you keep your mouth shut some fuckin' time ? Damn , learn when to speak and when to keep yo irrelevant ass comments to yo' self . You not helping shit !"
Chapter four -

- Damon -

I sighed and Destiny kept her head buried in my chest as we stood in the middle of the kitchen floor , everyone silent .

" ay , man , " D'shawn started " im not judging or nothing but , does it feel good to fuck your baby sister ?"

" does it feel good to be a dead beat ass dad ? Huh ? Does it feel good to have already had 2 STD'S ? You must be proud . Oh , man , it must feel real good to know that you -"

" shut the fuck up , " he stood up from his chair making it slide against the wall behind him " stop right there ."

" naw , you want to try and put me on spot let's put yo' ass on spot too . Huh ? You want mama to know yo' secret ?"

" Damon , i swear to god man , shut the fuck up ."

I pushed Destiny's shaking body behind mines as i took a few steps closer to D'Shawn " you swear to god what ? What you gone' do ? Hit me ? Give me yo' best shot , right here . " i pointed to my cheek as i searched the movements of his body . His fists balled at his sides , he looks like he wants to hit me but he's not going to . Growing up me and him always used to fight , and i mean like street fighting . To the point where our mouths were bloody and our hands were aching and we still wouldn't stop . We'd end up eventually getting pulled off of each other by police and be taken to the hospital for our cuts and bruises , sometimes broken bones . I had given him a fare share of ass whoppings and he's given me some too , we just aren't really a match for each other , we fight too much alike . We have similar height and build and plus we know what the other is going to do before they can do it . Fighting with him is like fighting against myself .

My mother stood up " listen - i don't know what problem it is you two boys have got but i want it over and done with now . If you want to fight take it out side . I done got too old to be trying to worry about you two and Destiny's not in a condition where she should be stressing about anything . "

I took a deep breath searching his face " nah , we good . Am i right ?"

He unwillingly shook his head " yeah , we straight . "

My mother exited the room and D'shawn started to talk again " you remember what we said , right ? That shit goes to our grave man . "

" to be honest , i wasn't gone say nothing . I just wanted to see the look on your face when you thought i was ."

He chuckled " man , i was seriously contemplating beating your ass ."

" we both know how that's going to end . The same way it always does . "

" right .So , uh , ya'll really together ? " he gestured toward Destiny who's still standing behind me , now hugging herself .

I wrapped an arm around her shoulder " yeah man , this is it for me ."

" i just , don't get it ."

" nigga , i don't either but this just how it is . She carrying my seed and shit , " i kissed Destiny's forehead " she gone' make me a father man . You don't get how happy that's making me ."

" yeah , well , i wouldn't know shit about that ."

I gave him a knowing look " man , i know Chelsey's baby is yours , you know that shit too . "

He shook his head and sighed " naw man , i can't be a father . Maybe in a few more years ."

" man , you gotta grow up . I don't give a fuck what you say . I'm growing up for mines , you need to do the same shit ."

" you right but -"

Destiny spoke up in a light voice " Chelsey is spending the night tonight . She's bringing her son too . If you want to she'll let you see him ."

He reluctantly shook his head yes and we stood silent for a moment .

I can see the excitement in D'Shawn's eyes but i can also see the fright and the pain . I think he's scared because he doesn't want to fuck up anything , he doesn't want to seem like a dead beat either . It has nothing to do with him wanting to party , although he wants to , it's about his fears of not being good enough .

________________________________

-D'Shawn-

5 minutes .

Destiny talked to Chelsey on the phone a few minutes okay and she said they'd be here in 5 minutes . That had to have been at least 4 minutes ago . And , i'm scared shit-less . What if she doesn't want me to be around the baby ? Then that'll just make me feel even worse and even more scared and thinking about the fact that i don't belong . For a whole twelve months i've been able to put this off by going to college but deep down inside i knew this moment would come . The night before i left for college Chelsey was spending the night over our house , she wasn't paying me any attention though . Her and Destiny were watching movies and talking about school and all that other shit . I'd been attracted to Chelsey for a long time but she never seemed to give me the time of day , i could have had any girl i wanted except her , and that made me want her even more . The fact that she didn't give it up to me at all until that night kept me chasing after her . But anyways , that night i was coming out of my room and she was coming out of my sister's room and we bumped into each other in the dark hallway . I grabbed hold of her to keep her from falling and i didn't want to let her go so i didn't . One thing led to another and the next thing i know she's on my bed letting me pound the hell out of her . And of course we used protection but i hadn't realised it had broken until afterward , but i didn't say anything to her i just kissed her and she left my room . I know , i know , it sounds cold hearted but it's really not .

I honestly didn't think she'd get pregnant , but hey , i guess i was wrong .

I went to college the next day and about 2 - 3 weeks later Chelsey began to blow up my phone talking about some baby , leaving me voice mail after voice mail . I knew it was mines , Chelsey is really not the kind of girl who just goes around giving it up to anybody . I know i wasn't her first but i was damn close . I eventually got my number changed . 9 months after we fucked Damon called me and told me Chelsey had a little boy , and 3 months after that here i am : scared . Yeah , scared .

I heard the doorbell ring but i didn't move from my spot on the couch , Insted Destiny went to go get the door and i'm left sweating , talking to Damon .

" man , what if she says i can't be in my babies life ?"

" she won't ."

" what if she hates me ?"

" she don't ."

" what if -"

" Shawn man , stop . Here they come ."

I could here the light cries of a baby , not crying as in screaming , but like a yawn , like he's just waking up . I put my head into my hands wanting to cry . How can i leave something that's going to be the biggest part of me , and the girl who has always had the biggest part of my heart no matter how many girls i talked to through out my life and my time at college .

" yeah girl , he's been sleeping all day . I'm suprised his butt woke up " Chelsey laughed a little , that sexy laugh , the one that got me hooked on her in the first place . But the laughing soon stopped , i can feel her standing close by me , and her eyes burning a whole into my head .

I looked up and into Chelsey's face not exactly sure what to say . I stood up and walked over to her " Chelsey . "

She gave me a nasty look , the one i have been afraid to receive from her " it's you ! You know what , Destiny , i think i gotta go ."

" no , let me talk to you . We need to talk . "

She pushed the stroller over to Destiny before i could even see his face and she walked off to the kitchen with me following closely behind .

She sat up on the counter " talk , D'Shawn , i don't have all day ."

" i'm sorry ."

" for what ? " she damn near laughed but i can see the pain in her eyes " for fucking me ? For getting me pregnant ? Or are you sorry for ignoring my calls and changing your number ? Huh ?! So i guess you don't got nothin' to say now . Hmm , or are you sorry for not being their to sign the birth certificate , not helping naming him , not taking care of him . Do you know his birthday ? No , better yet , do you know his fuckin' name ?!" I didn't say anything because she's right . I don't know his name or his birthday . I wasn't there for him or her and there isn't anything i can say to make up for that .

" oh , " she