The Experiment by Cassidy Shay (i can read with my eyes shut .txt) 📖

he says. “It’s alright. Why are you down here? Are you allowed to be here? You won’t get into trouble, will you?”
I shake my head. “I’m not supposed to be here. But I really don’t care. I came down because Mathew is installing a window and I need to tell him that I’m pregnant because he wants a child so bad and I’ll finally be able to give him one after eight years.” I ramble for a few more seconds before Jack shuts me up.
“Okay. I’ll take you over there.” He moves my hair back over the information printed on the jumpsuit. “Follow me.”
He leads me through the halls until I can see the drew working on the walls.
“Mathew!” I yell. “Mathew!” I watch as all the men slowly look over at me. “Mathew?” I’m quieter this time. One member of the crew comes over to me.
“Mathew will be back in a minute. The Warden called him down to his office.” He looks at Jack. “If you want, you can go now. I’ll keep an eye on her.” Jack shakes his head.
“No, no, that’s fine. I have nothing else to do. I’ll stay with her and keep her company until Mathew gets back. You can go back to work.”
The man nods, and Jack and I sit with our backs against a wall. We don’t say anything, but I can tell that there’s something on his mind. I just wait. I know that he’ll get it out eventually.
“Penny,” he says after a few minute. “I know about the revolution. I know what they’re doing to you.” I look down at my hands. I don’t question how he got this information. Vipero generally are not very good at whispering. “And I made a deal with them.”
“Jack, no.” I don’t know what the deal is yet, but I know that it can’t be good for Jack.
“Yes, Penny. A few days ago I went to see the Warden about it, and then he arranged a meeting with Clay.” He looks at his hands now. “I couldn’t stand what they’re doing to you.”
“Jack, what was the deal? Please tell me It’s nothing bad. Please. I can’t deal with knowing that you were hurt because of me.”
He smiles, even though this is definitely not a funny or happy situation. “Then as far as you know, I get to skip through fields of dandelions and slide down rainbows.”
I start crying again. I lean into him, and he tried to comfort me.
In a few minutes, I see Mathew standing there, confused.
“Meagan, what’s wrong?” I stand up and walk towards him. The tears have stopped, and I put a smile on my face.
“Mathew, I’m pregnant.” Those are the only words that he needs to hear. He grabs me around the waist, plants a long, excited kiss on my lips. I blush, because even after all that’s happened, I’m embarrassed to be seen kissing a man in front of my brother. I feel like I’m fifteen when I’m around Jack, since that was the last time that I saw him.
“This is great,” he says. He turns to look at everyone. “She’s pregnant!” They give a short cheer, then return to their work. I know that, later on, he’ll receive much more of a congratulations from his crew. But right now, he gives me another kiss. “I love you so much.”
Jack stands up and walks over to us. “You must be Mathew.” He extends his hand. “I’m her brother, Jack.”
Mathew smiles. “Nice to meet you. I promise that I’m taking good care of her.” He blinks a couple times, and his smile disappears. “Well, not as good of care as I would like, but I promise that I’m doing everything I can.”
One of the workers comes up and hits Mathew lightly on the shoulder. “C’mon, lover boy,” he says. “It’s time for you to get back to work.”
Mathew gives me one more kiss, and jack offers to walk me back to the stairs. “You really like each other, don’t you?” he says. I can tell that he’s trying to sound casual, but he’s my brother. I know that, even though we haven’t seen each other in years, I’m still his baby sister.
“Well, we’ve been married for eight years. When you’re expected to breed, you fall in love with that person. It saves a lot of hurt.”
He raises an eyebrow at that. “So, you don’t love him because of who he is. You love him because you guys were forced into bed together.”
“Well, no. He helps me with Belle and he’s always been there for me. And he loves me.”
“But you don’t really love him,” stats Jack. It’s not a question, not a suggestion. It is a statement. Jack was always good at reading me. He usually knew how I felt about something before I did. But I shake my head, refusing to admit- to myself or to him- that he was right.
“I heard that he’s Collin’s brother.” How does he know everything?

“Could that be why you’re pretending to love him?”
I stop and spin to face him. “I am not pretending to love him,” I snap. “I do love him.” But it’s forced,

I admit to myself. I realize that I forced myself to love him to get over Collin and to make things less painful.
By now, we’re at the stairwell. “Bye, Jack.” I hug him tight, and he releases me first. “Don’t get yourself into trouble.” But I know that it’s already too late for him to do that.
“Stay strong, Penny,” he tells me. “Don’t let my sacrifice go to waste.”

Chapter 26

That night, as we’re eating dinner, we have a visitor. I open the door and see my father-in-law, who I now know is Clay. I groan. “What?”
“Your brother loves you very much, you know.” I look at the ground. Why can’t he just leave me alone?

“Next Monday, you may say good-bye to him. At the same time that you would normally go to the DarkRoom. Don’t be late.” He starts to leave, but turns back around to face me. “Oh, and congratulations on the pregnancy.” When he’s gone, I fall against the door.
“What happened?” Mathew has taken Belle into the bedroom as soon as he’d seen who was at the door. I guess he didn’t want to see Clay any more than I do.
“Jack. Jack made a deal with him. I don’t know how he knew what was happening to me. But he made a deal with Clay. And now he’s going to die.” Mathew moves towards me. “He’s the only one left. I don’t have anyone else who knew me as Penny. I have nothing else to hold on to.”
“Meagan, you don’t need to hold on to them anymore. You have me now.”
“You don’t get it,” I snap. “He is my brother.” I put as much emphasis on the word brother as I can. “You might be able to pretend that you don’t have a brother, but I can’t do that. My brother is my brother. He used to be my best friend. Why do you expect me to just throw that all away?”
He doesn’t have an answer. I go into the bedroom, and I fall asleep crying on the bed. In the morning, I go to talk to Marc. I don’t have to go to the DarkRoom today, but I like talking to him. Plus, I like looking out the window. I don’t know if I’ll ever get tired of this view.
When he sees me, he takes a step back. My eyes are puffy and red from crying, and I have a blanket around my shoulders, even though it’s summer time. “What happened to you?”
“They’re killing my brother,” I say. “He found out what was going on with me and made a deal with them.” I shake my head. “Really, I’m killing him. If I had just given them what they wanted, he would still be able to live. They wouldn’t be killing him.”
I lean against the wall. “You can’t blame yourself for that,” he says. “Your brother didn’t have to make a deal with them. That was his decision.” I nod, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I still think that it’s my fault.
“So what else happened yesterday? There had to be a good thing that happened, somewhere.”
I think about the machine in the DarkRoom, about Dr. Gibson. “Well, actually, yeah. There was something good. I’m pregnant.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Congratulations,” he says. “But, if you’re pregnant, shouldn’t you be in bed or something?” He laughs. “From what I’ve heard, you haven’t been too lucky with your pregnancies.”
I wince, but he doesn’t notice. I know that he didn’t bring up my miscarriages as a weapon against me, but that’s how the words were used anyway. I shake my head to clear those thoughts. “I know that I should be in bed. But I can’t stay in the apartment.” I lay my head back. “Last night, Mathew tried to tell me that them killing my brother is no big deal, because I don’t need him anymore. I guess Mathew is the only one who I’m supposed to talk to and care about.”
He looks confused, like he doesn’t understand something. I don’t give him a chance to ask me a question, though. “Did you ever take a moment to think about someone, and you realize that you never really loved them?” He just looks even more confused now.
“I don’t mean that I don’t love Mathew as a brother or a friend. And I certainly wouldn’t want him to get hurt. But I don’t think that I am in love with him.”
Marc looks at his watch. “What do you plan on doing about it?” he asks. “You can’t really leave him. Even if you didn’t have kids to think about, I doubt that the Academy would let you guys split.”
I know that he’s right. And I wouldn’t want to be separated anyway. It’s selfish of me, but I need someone there for me, someone to comfort me. I need to have someone to keep me warm at night. I need the physical interaction that Mathew gives me. Holding hands, hugs, and even just knowing that he’s sleeping next to me each night.
I explain this to Marc, and he just nods, thinking about it. “You probably think that I’m crazy, don’t you?” I ask. “You’re married to someone because you love her. I’m married to someone because I want to hold someone’s hand.” I shake my head and look at the ground. “I wish I could go back in time to when things were simple.”
“Things were never simple,” he says. “I don’t know much about history. I only know what I’ve been taught in school, and I don’t think that I can rely too heavily on that information.” He looks at me, as