The Experiment by Cassidy Shay (i can read with my eyes shut .txt) 📖

get a day off once in a while. Well, I’ve been here as an ordinary person for about nine years now, without a single day off. I think it’s time for me to get some fresh air.”
I list a few more reasons, and at the end, I sigh. So far, I feel like I haven’t been very convincing. I decide that, instead of trying to manipulate things, maybe I should try to get pity from him. “But the reason that is most important to me is that I have been here since I was five years old. I have been tortured, I have had my heart broken, and I’ve lost almost everyone that I love. I’m exhausted. I want a break from this monotony, from the inside walls that block the sunshine and fresh air.”
He nods and stands up. “Okay. I’ll think it over one more night. I’ll come see you tomorrow when I’ve made my decision.” He gestures toward the door. “Do you have any more requests?”
I think for a second “Yeah. I don’t know the layout of the city. I don’t know where to go, where to have fun. I want one of the Vipero to escort me. I want Marc to go with me.”
I could have asked to have Dr. Pender come with me. I’ve known her for longer, and she knows me better than Marc does. But Dr. Pender is quite a bit older than me, and Marc is only about a year older. He will have a better idea of where to go and what to do that’s fun for people our age.
He nods at the ground. “Alright. We can do that.” Then he catches himself. “That is, if I decide to let you go.” But his first sentence gives him away. It tells me that he’s already made a decision, that I get to leave this place.
He walks me back to the elevator and gets me up to Floor Six. I go straight to Dr. Pender and give her a hug before she can say anything.
“I’m getting out of here!” She hugs me tight, and when we break the hug, she has a huge smile on her face.
“That’s awesome! You deserve a break from this place.” She looks down at my jumpsuit. “And no offense, but your outfit is a little out dated. You should probably get some new clothes.” We laugh about it, and then I ask her if she knows where Belle is.
“She went down to see Aron.” I thank her one more time for showing me the paper, and give her one more sideways hug.
I go downstairs to see Julie and to see if Belle is ready to go home or if she wants to stay. I walk through the door and the first thing I hear is “Woah.” Julie is on the bed, reading a book. “You are huge.”
I laugh. “I know! These kids are gonna be big.” I rub my lower back. “I don’t know if my back will ever stop hurting.” We talk for a few minutes, and then she just stares at me for a minute.
“Okay, spit it out. Why are you suddenly so happy?” I tell her about leaving, and there are a few seconds of “I’m so happy for you” and things like that. But then she just looks sad. “I’m sure you’ll have a great time.”
“I would take you with me. I really would. But there’s no way that they would let you leave. You’re an Azulate.”
She frowns. “So are you. What makes you special?”
This time, I can’t smile about it. I know that she’s really upset. “I don’t have blue eyes or a birthmark anymore. By legal definition, I’m not an Azulate.”
I tell her a little more about how I managed to talk the Warden into letting me go. I don’t mention Marc, though. I know that that would make her feel even more like she was being left behind. I get up and I’m getting ready to leave when I touch her arm. “You know that I would take you with me, if I could. Right?”
She nods, but doesn’t say anything as I leave the room.
Later on, when Belle comes back from her appointment, I’m sitting at the table. I turn to her, and I gasp when I see her hand. It’s a collage of black and blue and purple, and it extends halfway up her arm. “Oh, my baby,” I say. I go to give her a hug, but she laughs.
“It’s okay, Mom. I’m not bruised. They just had me dip my hand in this dye to see if my skin had any special reaction to it.” She rolls her eyes. “They have it in their heads that I’m different on the outside, not just in here.” She taps the side of her head.
I grab her hands and squeeze them. “I’m glad you’re alright.” I decide to change the subject. “What do you want for dinner?”
“Mommy, who’s this?” She’s pointing to the picture that I have on the table.
I had taken it out of the bottom of my drawer for the first time in several years. It’s the picture of Carl, with Collin and I in the background.
“That’s Carl. He used to be my friend.” She looks at the picture again.
“Who is this?” She points behind Carl, to a young girl in a wedding dress, her brown hair flowing. “She looks so pretty.”
“That’s me. I used to look like that.” She reaches out to touch my red hair, and then looks back at the picture. A frown creases her face.
“Is this my daddy?” I freeze, and then calm down. She probably just thinks it’s Mathew. You can’t see his whole face.

“That’s Collin. He was another one of my friends.”
She looks up at me. “But… Collin is my daddy, though.” She gets up and goes into her corner, where she plays with her dolls. I can’t move.
When Mathew gets home, I can finally stand up. “Can you come talk to me in the bedroom, please?” He frowns and shakes his head no. I put a little more authority into my tone. “Come talk to me. Now.”
Reluctantly, he follows me. “Did you tell her about Collin?” The anger and frustration from a moment ago leaves his eyes.
“No. Why would I do that? And why would you think that?”
“She saw his picture today. And asked me if he was her dad. I told her it was Collin, and she knew that he’s her father.”
“Well, I didn’t tell her anything. I don’t know how she could have found that out.” He sits down on the bed and I go out to talk to her about it.
“Belle,” I say. She looks at me and puts down her toys. “Earlier, you said that Collin is your daddy. Who told you that?”
She frowns, and her two eyebrows become one for an instant. “You did, Mommy.” What?

She sees my confused look and explains. “When I was a baby. Everyone else left, and you told me about who my real daddy is. You said that Mathew takes care of us, but that Collin is my daddy.”
I think back to that day, when she was born. I’d told her about Collin, thinking that she wouldn’t remember it. “How do you remember that? It was the day that you were born. How could you possible remember that?”
She shrugs. “I remember everything.”
I go to make dinner, but burn the food three times. Finally, Mathew turns the stove off. “Let’s just go to the cafeteria to eat. You obviously have a lot on your mind.”
When we’re in the cafeteria, I see Marc and wave. He’s talking to some friends, but he excuses himself and walks my way.
He pats Belle on the head, and she turns to give him a hug. Some mornings, when I go talk to Marc, I bring her with me. Still holding on to Belle, he looks at me and says, “So, how did it go? Are you getting out of here?”
I nod my head. “Yep. And you’re coming with me. I thought we’d go have fun together, maybe visit your wife.” He smiles and nods.
“That’s awesome. I just had a break a couple weeks ago.” The Vipero only get a few days off every month, so an extra vacation is always welcome. “I’ll start planning some things to do. Do you know how long we’ll be gone for?”
I shake my head. “He’s going to come see my tomorrow and let me know all the details.” He nods, and then looks back over at the other Vipero.
“I gotta go. But I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” I nod. When he’s gone, Mathew snorts and mumbles something under his breath.
“Mommy,” says Belle, grabbing onto my sleeve. “Are you leaving?”
“Just for a day or two, honey. I’ll be back soon. I promise.”
“Are you going to see my daddy?” At the word daddy, Mathew raises his head. But then he frowns and his focus returns to his food when he realizes that she was not talking about him.
I hadn’t even thought about seeing Collin. I had been thinking about the trip, and thinking about Collin, but not the two together. I realize that it wouldn’t be completely out of the question, since Marc is married to his cousin. But I know that I probably won’t see him, especially because I probably won’t get too much time in the city.
“No, honey. I don’t think so. I’m going to meet Marc’s wife.” She looks at me for a couple seconds, and I try to figure out what’s going on behind those dark, dark eyes.
She goes back to her food, but I can’t focus enough to eat anything. What if I do see Collin?

I don’t know what I’d say to him. I haven’t seen him in years, and so much has changed. What is he like now?

I know that he still looks the same, but he can’t be the same boy that I knew before. Being a parent changes people.
Do I even want to see him?

There is a part of me that wants to see him. That part wants to know if I still really love him, or if I love who he used to be. But another part of me knows that it couldn’t do any good to see him. He’s married, and I’m going to have his brother’s kids. How could that get weird?

Chapter 30

The next morning, Marc tells me what he has planned. “I don’t think we should do a whole bunch of stuff where you have to be inside. I figured you’ve had enough time inside, right? So I think we’ll just take walks through town, or something. We’ll figure it out.” He laughs. “I was going to say that we should play some baseball or something, but then I