The Book of Good Manners by W. C. Green (brene brown rising strong .txt) 📖

and late place of residence of deceased. Such announcement may contain notice that the interment is private, and also the words: “Kindly omit flowers.”

A notice of death and date of funeral may be printed on heavy bordered cards or mourning paper, and sent to friends. Sometimes a notice is written and sent to most intimate friends.

CHURCH. The pall-bearers and the nearest relatives meet at the house. At the appointed hour the procession leaves the house, the casket borne on the shoulders of the undertaker’s assistants, followed by the pall-bearers, relatives, and friends.

The same order is followed in the procession up the aisle, the relatives occupying the first pews on the right, the pall-bearers the first pews on the left, of the middle aisle.

At the conclusion of the ceremony the friends wait until the family and pall-bearers have left, and then quietly retire.

HOUSE. At a house funeral, some one representing the family should receive the people as they enter and direct them where to go, it being customary for the family and relatives to be in one room and the friends in another.

Usually there are no pall-bearers; but if there are, their duties are the same as at a church funeral. The clergyman should stand near the casket, and if there are musicians they should be so stationed that, while they are not seen, they are easily heard. At the conclusion of the ceremony the friends depart, and thus allow the family and relatives to take the last leave of the deceased before they take the carriages for the cemetery.

It is customary for the family to be in retirement at the hour of the funeral, and they are the first to enter the carriages.

Those in charge of the house should, after the funeral party has left, arrange the apartments to make them as cheerful as possible, and also provide a substantial meal for the mourners on their return.

GARDEN PARTIES.

CARDS. Guests leave their cards in the hall either when entering or leaving only at large garden parties.

DRESS. It is customary for women to wear light afternoon dresses.

Men wear summer business suits, yachting flannels, and straw hats, and even white duck trousers. Gloves are not worn.

The regulation frock coat and high hat is not worn, save by men from the city or at some extremely fashionable affair.

GUESTS. After leaving their outer garments in the dressing-rooms, the guests should pay their respects to the hostess, after which they are free to enjoy themselves as they please.

The usual length of stay is about half an hour or the whole afternoon.

While guests may arrive at their own convenient time, they would do well to remember that they have not the same freedom to come and go as at an afternoon reception.

Guests should take leave of the hostess unless she is very much engaged.

HOSTESS. The hostess wears afternoon dress, and usually one that is dainty and delicate—

suitable for a summer afternoon.

She receives on the lawn, shakes hands with each guest, and makes introductions when deemed essential.

She may, if she so desires, receive with some member of her family.

HOURS. These are from 3 to 7 P.M.

INVITATIONS. These are issued in the name of the hostess, and may be engraved or written.

Sometimes the hostess writes on her card: GARDEN PARTY, JULY 17, FROM 4 TO 7, or she may use an AT HOME card, and in the lower left-hand corner write: GARDEN PARTY. The engraved card usually indicates an elaborate affair.

These invitations may be sent by mail or messenger.

It is a good plan to add to the invitations some information regarding the trains, or to enclose a time-table.

All such invitations should be promptly acknowledged or declined.

MEN. Men wear summer business suits, white ducks, or yachting flannels, A tennis suit would be permissible.

The regulation frock coat and high hat should be worn only by men from the city attending an affair in the country, or at some extremely fashionable affair.

Men should greet the hostess both on their arrival and departure.

Visiting-cards are left only at large garden parties.

WOMEN. Women wear light, delicate, afternoon dresses.

They should greet the hostess, both on their arrival and departure.

Visiting-cards are left only at large and formal outdoor affairs.

GERMANS. See COTILLIONS.

GIFTS.

AFTER HOUSE PARTY. While not necessary, a guest after a house party may send some trifle to the hostess as a token of pleasure and appreciation.

BEST MAN. After the groom selects the best man, the latter should send a gift to the bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the groom, a custom not yet clearly established.

CHRISTENING. A christening ceremony offers a good opportunity for the invited guests so wishing to send a gift to the baby. These should be sent a day or two before the ceremony, and, if of silver, should be suitably marked with the child’s name, initials, or monogram.

ENGAGEMENT. If both families of the engaged couple are old acquaintances, the parents of the man may send a gift along with their greetings and congratulations.

WEDDING. See WEDDINGS—GIFTS.

GIFTS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN. Books, flowers, and other small articles of decoration are proper gifts to accept.

Sending valuable gifts of jewelry, or any other article, depends largely upon the relationships of the parties, and should not be done unless the sender is sure of its acceptance. Such gifts should not be accepted from mere acquaintances or friends.

It is bad form for a man to send expensive presents to a woman who may be compelled to return them.

GLOVES.

MEN. At the opera or theatre, if in full dress, gloves may be dispensed with, but they are worn with street dress. With formal evening dress, white kid gloves should be worn.

For afternoon dress, gloves should be of undressed kid, gray, tan, or brown. When calling, the glove of the right hand should be removed upon entering the drawing-room.

Gloves should not be worn at high teas.

MEN—AFTERNOON DRESS. Undressed kid

gloves of a dark color are worn.

MEN-BALLS. Men should always wear gloves at all balls, in summer or winter, in town or city.

MEN-CALLING ON WOMEN. Gloves need not be removed at a formal or brief call.

MEN-DANCES. Gloves should be worn at formal dances, and should be put on before entering the room.

MEN-HIGH TEA. Men do not wear gloves.

MEN-MOURNING. Black or dark-colored gloves should be worn.

MEN—SHAKING HANDS. At weddings, operas, or dances, and on all very formal occasions, men wear gloves. In shaking hands with women on these occasions gloves should not be removed.

If a hostess wears gloves at any formal affair, a man wears his when he shakes hands with her.

A man with hands gloved should never shake hands with a woman without an apology for so doing, unless she likewise wears gloves.

A sudden meeting, etc., may make a handshaking in gloves unavoidable. Unless the other party is also gloved, a man should say: “Please excuse my glove.”

WOMEN. Gloves should always be worn on the street.

At dinners, or formal teas, women should remove their gloves at the table and place them in their laps.

At dinners and formal teas, when the women have retired to the drawing-room, they may resume their gloves or not, or follow the example of the hostess.

At informal teas or “At Homes” the hostess need not wear gloves.

BREAKFAST. Gloves should be removed at table.

DINNER. Women may remove their gloves at table, and it is not necessary to replace them. They should be laid in the lap. The hostess generally determines by her own actions whether the women should resume gloves or not.

MOURNING. Gloves may be of black kid, suede, or black silk. In the evening, black suede or glace, or white suede should be worn.

White gloves with black stitching should not be worn in the evening.

BRIDE. See BRIDE—GLOVES.

GROOM. See GROOM—GLOVES.

USHERS. See USHERS—GLOVES.

GODFATHER. A man asked to be one of the sponsors at a christening ceremony should reply by a written note or by calling in person.

He should call immediately on the parents and send flowers to the mother, and express himself as pleased at the compliment.

He should send a present to the child, usually a piece of jewelry or some silver, and, if a wealthy relative, may deposit a sum of money to the child’s credit, and present him with the bank-book.

He should also send with his present one of his calling cards, on which is written some appropriate sentiment.

It is his privilege, when the wine is about to be drunk after the ceremony, to first propose the health of the child and then the health of the mother.

The duties of the godfather at the ceremony consist of assenting to the vows.

GODMOTHER. A woman asked to be a sponsor at a christening should immediately accept or decline the invitation either by a written note or a call.

She should also call on the parents and send flowers to the mother, and express pleasure at the compliment paid to her.

It is always customary for the godmother to give the child a gift, such as a christening robe, a cradle, or some piece of silver. If the latter is sent, it should have the child’s name on it. With the gift should be sent the sponsor’s calling card, with some appropriate sentiment on it. It is customary to send the gift to the child itself.

GOLDEN WEDDINGS. Fifty years after the weddingday comes the Golden Wedding. The invitations may bear the words: NO PRESENTS

RECEIVED, and congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitation. An entertainment is usually provided for.

The gifts are, appropriately, articles of gold, and this is a fitting occasion for giving fifty gold pieces of either, five, ten, or twenty dollar denomination. The invitations are appropriately engraved in gold, and the decorations golden in color.

GOVERNOR OF A STATE—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor, sir, to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Governor Wilson, and ends: Believe me, most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Governor John J. Wilson.

GRAPES AND PLUMS should be eaten one by one, and the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the half-closed hand and then transferred to the plate.

GROOM. The groom selects his best man, usually an unmarried intimate friend, though a married man or widower is permissible. After consultation with the bride he calls upon the clergyman, the organist, the sexton, and invites the ushers.

When he is informed by his bride of the day selected for the wedding, he should ask her mother to accept the day agreed upon.

He may make what present he desires to the bride, and, if he also wishes, to the bridesmaids. If any gifts are sent to the groom, they should bear his name or cipher.

He should furnish the bride’s family with a list of names of persons to whom he desires to have invitations sent, designating his preference for those to be asked to the wedding breakfast or reception.

BEFORE CEREMONY. The day before the ceremony, or sooner, he gives into the safe-keeping of the best man the ring and the fee for the clergyman.

He also sends or hands the marriage license (if one is needed) to the officiating clergyman before the ceremony.

CHURCH, It is not customary for the groom to see his bride on the weddingday till he meets her at the altar. The groom and the best man usually breakfast together on the weddingday and arrive in ample time at the church.

Upon the arrival of the bride in the vestibule, the clergyman enters the chancel, followed by the groom and the best man. The groom then steps forward, and stands at the