The Book of Good Manners by W. C. Green (brene brown rising strong .txt) 📖

a man call during the first season, and neither her mother nor her chaperone be present, she should decline the visit. She may make and receive visitors alone the second season.

When calling upon a debutante, men and women should leave cards for her and her mother.

CARDS. A debutante should use her mother’s card with her name engraved under her mother’s, but after a season she uses her own card. Personal cards should not be used during the first season. If she is the eldest unmarried daughter, her name is engraved (as, Miss A—) beneath her mother’s name, but if there are other sisters, with the initials (as, Miss A. A—).

The cards of a debutante may be sent by mail or messenger.

DANCES. A debutante always receives with her mother standing by her side. A good order is for the mother to stand nearest the door, the debutante next, and the father last.

It is a good plan for the debutante to ask a few of her girl friends to stand beside her the first half hour.

The mother should introduce guests to her daughter, who may introduce them to her friends.

The debutante shakes hands with each one introduced to her. She dances every dance, and at the end stands beside her mother to receive the greetings of the guests.

The girls standing up with the debutante after the first hour are free to dance and enjoy themselves as they please without standing in line again.

MEN. Her mother should select in advance the man who is to have the pleasure of the first dance with the debutante at her debut. No man should dance more than once with the debutante. If well acquainted with the family, a man may send flowers to a debutante at the time of her first debut. A man should make a formal call on mother and daughter a day or two after her debut, and, if unable to do so, he should send a card.

DEBUT. When her mother receives visits after her debut, the daughter is included, and should be present. The mother should keep a complete record of the visits made by entering the cards in a book kept for that purpose.

FLOWERS. Friends should send flowers to a debutante at a formal tea given in her honor.

MEN. When calling upon a debutante, a man should leave cards for her and her mother, whether the entertainment was attended or not.

See also DEBUTS.

DEBUTS. A debut may be made at a dinner, reception, or ball. The debutante’s card should be enclosed with the invitation, reading: Miss Wilson; or, if a younger daughter, Miss Minnie Wilson. For an “At

Home” debut, the least formal of all these entertainments, the name of the debutante is engraved below that of her mother.

The mother and elder unmarried sisters prior to the debut should call formally upon those whom they wish to invite to the ceremony.

Cards of the family are left, including those of father and brothers.

BALLS—INVITATIONS. When a young woman is to be introduced into society by a ball given in her honor, the parents may use a Mr. and Mrs. calling card, with the words added in writing: Dancing at ten o’clock, with card of the debutante enclosed.

Or the parents may use a specially engraved invitation.

CARDS, LEAVING. At the entertainments at a debut, as at a supper, cards should be left for the mother and daughter, and if guests are unable to be present, they should send them the day of the entertainment.

ENTERTAINMENTS. Debuts may be an “At

Home,” supper, or dinner, the latter being more formal, and only intimate friends being invited. When making her debut, the debutante should stand beside her mother in the drawing-room, near the door, and be introduced by her. On formal occasions the

father stands with them. The debutante may receive flowers from intimate friends only.

AT HOMES. These are the least formal.

SUPPERS OR DINNERS. If the debut takes the form of a supper or dinner, the brother takes in the debutante, and the father the most distinguished woman; or, if there is no brother, he takes in the debutante himself, and she is seated at his left hand. The mother is escorted by the most distinguished man.

Should dancing follow, the mother should select the first partner, who dances but once, when others are at liberty to follow.

GUESTS. Guests should offer congratulations to a debutante at her debut in a few well-chosen words, and also to the parents. A few moments of conversation with her only is admissible.

INVITATIONS. Invitations are engraved, and should be sent by mail or messenger two weeks in advance, addressed to Mr. and Mrs.

A, or Mrs. B, or The Misses A. While the invitations to a family may be enclosed in one envelope and sent to the principal one of the family, the son of the family should receive a separate invitation. Men should receive separate invitations and acknowledge them, in person.

Acknowledgment is mot necessary for an “At Home” debut occurring in the afternoon, but would be for a formal one in the evening, for which special engraved invitations had been sent.

If invitations for an afternoon “At Home”

reception are accepted, cards should be left for mother and daughter. And, if not attending, cards should be sent by mail or

messenger.

DIAMOND WEDDINGS. These occur after seventy-five years of married life, and naturally are of very rare occurrence. If they are celebrated, the invitation may bear the words: NO PRESENTS RECEIVED, and congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitation. An entertainment should be provided for. Any article of diamonds or precious stones is appropriate as a gift.

DINNERS. If the circle of acquaintances is large, a series of dinners is necessary during the season.

Dinners should begin at an hour between seven-thirty and eight-thirty.

The dining-room should be bright and attractive, well lighted, and artistically decorated with flowers.

The success of a dinner lies in the selection of the guests, with regard to their congeniality to each other, and their conversational powers and varying attainments. It is better to have a few at a time, perhaps eight, as a larger number is unmanageable.

CALLS. Guests should call soon after the dinner.

DRESS. Full dress is worn by both men and women.

GUESTS. When guests are not congenial, or have dislikes, they should not show it, but appear as if the contrary were the case.

Guests should be prompt in arriving at the hour named.

At the table it is in good taste to accept whatever is offered, eating it or not, as one desires. Wines should be accepted, even if one does not partake of them. And if a toast is offered, a guest should recognize the courtesy by raising his glass.

Conversing across the table is permissible, provided the distance does not require the voice to be unduly raised.

When coffee is served in the drawing-room, young women serve, and the men hand it to the guests.

When the men re-enter the drawing-room after the coffee, the guests should retire, unless some further entertainment follows.

This is usually about eleven o’clock. When leaving, a guest should thank the host and hostess, making some agreeable and appropriate remark suitable to the occasion.

HOST. When dinner is announced, the host offers his left arm to the woman he escorts.

She may be the special invited guest, or the most prominent guest present.

The signal for all to rise is given by the hostess, who bows to the woman on the host’s right. The men escort the women to the door or drawing-room, after which they return, and cigars and liquors are offered.

The host wears full dress.

GUEST LATE. The host should always come forward to shake hands with the late-comer, and help him to find his seat, and do all in his power to make his late-coming quickly overlooked.

HOSTESS. The hostess receives her guest at the parlor entrance.

At table the guests should remain standing until all have found their places, when the host and hostess seat themselves, after which the others follow. The men should assist the women they escort before taking their own seats.

At an informal dinner a hostess should introduce a man to the woman he is to escort to dinner, informing him whether he is to sit on the right or left hand of the host.

When the dinner is announced the host with his escort leads the way, followed by the guests, and the hostess and her escort come last.

GUEST LATE. The hostess should always bow and shake hands with a guest arriving late, but does not rise unless the guest is a woman.

HOURS. Dinners begin from 7 to 8 P.M., and usually last from one hour to an hour and a half.

INTRODUCTIONS. If a man is not acquainted with the woman assigned to him, the hostess should introduce him to the woman.

INVITATIONS. These should be acknowledged immediately by a letter of acceptance, or declining with regret.

The invitations are given in the name of husband and wife, and should be sent out two or four weeks in advance. R. S. V. P.

is not used, and they should be answered immediately.

Invitations to a dinner in honor of a special guest are engraved, and state this fact. If for good reasons there is not sufficient time to engrave, an ordinary invitation may be used, and a visiting-card enclosed, upon which is written: To meet Miss Wilson.

For ceremonious dinners, cards may be engraved, with place for guest’s name left blank and filled in by hand.

When frequent dinners are given, invitations may be engraved, with blanks to be filled with dates, etc.

Written invitations are also proper to indicate an unceremonious dinner. Note sheets can be used.

HUSBAND AND WIFE. Both the husband and wife should always be invited to a dinner.

When a husband and wife are invited to dinner, and the former does not accept, the wife should decline, giving her reason. The hostess can then invite the wife only, who may accept.

MEN. Full dress is necessary for all except informal dinners.

The man at the door, after asking the guest’s name, hands him an envelope, with his name upon it, enclosing a card with the name of the woman he is to escort to dinner; or these envelopes may be in the dressing-rooms, if preferred. It will also be designated at which side of the table (right or left) a man is to sit; or a diagram of the table, with the names of the guests, should be hung in each dressing-room. The guests pair off as indicated.

As soon as possible a man should seek the woman assigned to him, and inform her that he will be pleased to act as her escort, disguising any personal preference he may have otherwise.

He should offer his left arm when escorting her to dinner.

When the dinner is announced, the host leads the way with the woman he escorts, and the rest follow. To avoid confusion, a man should remember on which side of the table he is to sit, his place being indicated by a dinner card.

If unacquainted with the woman a man is to escort to dinner, he should seek an introduction from the hostess.

When the women rise to leave, the men rise and remain standing until the women leave the dining-room, or they may accompany them to the drawing-room, and then return for coffee and cigars. They should not remain longer than half an hour.

LEAVING CARDS. After a dinner a man should leave a card for host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not; or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with an apology for so doing.

PRECEDENCE. The host offers his right arm to the woman who is