The Book of Good Manners by W. C. Green (brene brown rising strong .txt) 📖

obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.

EVENING DRESS.

Men. Evening dress should be worn on all formal occasions, consisting of the swallow-tail coat of black material, made in the prevailing fashion, with waistcoat and trousers of the same material; or a white vest may be worn.

The linen must be white. Studs or shirt-buttons may be worn, according to fashion.

The collar should be high, and the cravat white. Low patent-leather shoes and white kid gloves complete the costume.

Evening dress should be worn at all formal functions after six o’clock—as, balls, dinners, suppers, receptions, germans, formal stag parties, theatre, opera, and fashionable evening calls where women are present.

The phrase, “evening dress,” is now used in place of full dress.

A Tuxedo should never be worn when women are present.

See also TUXEDO. CLERGYMAN—EVENING

DRESS.

WEDDINGS, EVENING. Full evening dress is worn by the groom and ushers. Guests are likewise in evening dress.

CLERGYMAN. Custom permits a clergyman to wear his clerical dress at all functions where other men wear evening dress, or he may wear evening dress.

EVENING RECEPTIONS. The etiquette is the same as for an afternoon tea (formal), save that no cards are left by the guests, and that they wear evening dress.

See AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL).

FACSIMILE CARDS, engraved, are no longer used.

FAMILY OF BRIDE. The family, except the father, leave the house first, then the bridesmaids, the maid of honor with the mother, and last the bride with her father or nearest male relative. At church the family is seated by the ushers.

At the conclusion of the ceremony they are the first to be escorted from their pew and to take their carriage for the wedding reception or breakfast.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride’s father or her nearest male relative takes in the groom’s mother, and the bride’s mother, as hostess, is taken in by the groom’s father.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The parents of both

bride and groom stand up with the married couple, and are introduced to the guests.

FAMILY OF GROOM. At the church the family and relatives of the groom are seated on one side, while the family of the bride and her relatives are seated on the other.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The groom’s mother is taken in by the bride’s father, and the groom’s father takes in the bride’s mother, who, acting as hostess, comes last.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The parents of both bride and groom stand up with the married couple, and are introduced to the guests.

FAREWELL BACHELOR DINNER. See BACHELOR’S FAREWELL

DINNERS.

FAREWELL BRIDAL LUNCHEON. See BRIDE—FAREWELL

LUNCHEON.

FATHER OF BRIDE.

DEBUTS. When the debut is a formal one, he stands beside his wife and daughter, and receives the congratulations of the guests. At a supper or dinner he escorts the most distinguished woman. If there is no brother to escort the debutante, he does so, and she is seated at his left hand.

DINNER, ENGAGEMENT. At a formal dinner given by the family of the engaged woman the father takes out his daughter first and her fiance escorts her mother. At the proper time the father drinks to the health of his future son-in-law, and announces the engagement. All rise, and congratulations follow.

He wears evening dress.

The father of the bride, or her nearest male relative, drives to the church with her, and is there received by the ushers and bridesmaids, and escorts her in the procession up the aisle.

After the procession has arrived at the chancel and the groom comes forward to take the bride’s hand, he steps back a little way and waits for the clergyman’s words: “Who giveth this woman away?” He then places the bride’s right hand in that of the clergyman, and retires to his seat in the pew with his family.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. He takes in the mother of the groom, following the ushers and the maids of honor.

WEDDING RECEPTION. He escorts the groom’s mother, and receives with the married couple.

FATHER OF GROOM. At a wedding breakfast he should take in the mother of the bride, and at a wedding reception he receives with the bride and groom.

At a church wedding he is, of course, given a front seat among those reserved for the groom’s family.

He should wear afternoon dress for an afternoon wedding, and evening dress at an evening wedding.

FEES.

CHRISTENING. See CHRISTENING—FEES

WEDDING. The wedding fee, preferably gold or clean bills in sealed envelope, is given by the best man to the officiating clergyman. Custom leaves the amount to the groom, who should give at least five dollars or more, in proportion to his income and social position.

The clergyman usually gives the fee to his wife.

A fee should also be paid to the sexton and the organist

FIANCE, MOURNING FOR. In the event of the death of a woman’s betrothed shortly before the date of the wedding, she may wear black for a short period or full mourning for a year.

FINGER-BOWL. The fingers should be dipped in the water and gently rubbed together, and dried on the napkins.

FIRST CALLS. Newcomers and brides are called upon first.

After a country visit, the visitor should call first upon the hostess when the latter returns to town.

Other things being equal, the younger or unmarried woman calls first upon the older or married woman.

A woman returning to town before another one would make the first call.

If one woman issues her AT HOME card before another, she should receive the first call.

FISH should be eaten with a fork held in the right hand and a piece of bread held in the left hand.

The bones should be removed from the mouth with the aid of a fork or with the fingers. If by the latter, great delicacy should be used.

FLOWER GIRL. The flower girls—one or two, as may be the case—follow the maid of honor up the isle and strew flowers in the path of the bride, who follows after.

In the procession down the isle they should follow the bride.

Flower girls and pages are not used now as much as formerly.

FLOWERS. Between friends, flowers may be sent as an expression of sympathy in either joy or sorrow.

BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF. If wishing to send congratulations after a birth, cards should be left in person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers may be sent with the card.

BRIDE. If she wishes, a bride may present flowers to her bridesmaids, and also to the best man and ushers.

CHRISTENING. A christening ceremony offers a good opportunity for the guests who desire to present flowers to the mother. This is not obligatory, however, and must remain a matter of personal taste.

CONDOLENCE CALLS. When making a condolence call upon a very intimate friend, cut flowers may be left in person or sent, together with a card, unless request has been made to send none.

DEBUTANTE. Friends should send flowers to a debutante at a formal tea given in her honor.

ENGAGEMENT. Flowers should accompany the greetings from the parents of the man to the parents of the woman.

FUNERALS. See FUNERALS—FLOWERS.

GROOM. He pays for the bridal bouquet carried by the bride at the wedding ceremony, and, if he wishes, for the bouquets carried by the bridesmaids.

MEN. If well acquainted with a debutante’s family, a man may send her flowers at the time of her debut.

After a slightly intimate acquaintance, a man can present flowers to a young unmarried woman as a token of sympathy either of joy or sorrow.

It is not usual for a man to send flowers to a woman who is a mere acquaintance.

BALLS. It is permissible for a man, if he wishes, to send flowers to a woman he is to escort to a ball.

THEATRE OR OPERA. It is permissible, but not necessary, for a man to send flowers to the woman he is to take to the theatre or to the opera.

WEDDING TRIP. The best man should arrange beforehand all the details of the trip—such as the tickets, parlor-car, flowers, baggage, etc.

PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS—FLOWERS.

FORK AND KNIFE. See KNIFE AND FORK.

FORMAL AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL).

FORMAL DANCES. See DANCES (FORMAL).

FRUIT. All raw fruit, except melons, berries, and grapefruit, are eaten with the fingers.

Canned fruits are eaten with a spoon.

FULL DRESS. This phrase is now no longer in good usage, and instead should be used the term: “Evening Dress,” which SEE.

FUNERALS. A member of the family, or very near relative, should take charge of the ceremony and direct the undertaker. A large funeral should be avoided, and the ceremony confined to the immediate family and nearest relatives, and, if possible, the service should be at the church.

All the details of the funeral should be carefully considered and carried out, with the ceremony started at the hour set, and with all appearance of confusion avoided.

It is not now customary to watch by the dead at night.

Funerals should be private, and only those intimately interested should be invited.

CARRIAGES. A carriage should always be provided to call for the clergyman and to take him from the church or cemetery back to his house. Carriages should also be provided to take the friends, mourners, and pall-bearers from the house to the church, and then to the cemetery and return. These are provided by the family.

DRESS. See FUNERALS—MEN.

EXPENSES. Though it is not customary for the clergyman in Protestant churches to expect or to receive fees for conducting funerals, yet it is in perfectly good taste to offer him a fee. In the Roman Catholic Church the rate of fees for funerals is fixed. There are, besides, fees for the sexton, the organist, and the singers.

FLOWERS. The family, in publishing notice of funeral, may add: “Kindly omit flowers.”

However, in the absence of such a notice, at the public funerals of prominent persons elaborate designs may be sent. But at a private funeral, if flowers are sent, they should be choice and delicate.

The custom is growing of having fewer flowers, and it is no longer in good taste to have a carriage in the procession carrying flowers and set pieces. A good use of the large set pieces is to send them afterward to the hospitals.

If any flowers are laid upon the grave they should be those given by the nearest relatives.

INVITATIONS. A church funeral can be attended by any one, friend or acquaintance, and no slight should be felt at the non-receipt of an invitation. Those attending should take especial pains to be in the church before the funeral procession arrives, and that they do nothing to distract from the solemnity of the occasion.

Notice of death and date of funeral may be printed on heavy bordered cards, or on mourning paper, and sent to friends.

Sometimes a notice is written and sent to most intimate friends.

MEN—DRESS. A man should wear either a black frock coat or a black cutaway, with the necktie, gloves, and other parts of the dress as subdued as possible. Under no conditions should light ties or light-colored linen be worn.

PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS.

PRECEDENCE. At a church funeral the parents, arm in arm, follow the body of their child, and the children come next in the order of their age.

A widow, leaning on the arm of her eldest son, follows the body of her husband, and the other children come after.

A widower, attended by his eldest daughter or son, follows the body of his wife, and the children come after.

The elder children always precede the younger. The pall-bearers are seated at the left of the main isle, and the near relatives at the right.

PUBLIC NOTICE. When the date of the funeral has been determined upon, notice should be published in the papers, giving date, place, and time of funeral—also date of birth