The Book of Good Manners by W. C. Green (brene brown rising strong .txt) 📖

the guest, or the most distinguished woman, or the eldest, or the one invited for the first time. If the dinner is given in honor of a married couple, the host would take in the wife, and the husband would accompany the hostess, who comes last in the procession into the dining-room.

It is a fixed rule that relatives, or husbands and wives, are never seated together.

If possible, there should be an equal number of men and women, and if the latter outnumber the former, the hostess enters alone.

SECOND HELPING. At formal dinner parties, luncheons, and breakfasts, second helpings are never offered by the host or hostess, and should not be asked for by the guests. This is only permissible at a small dinner party or at the daily family meal.

Of course, this does not apply to a second glass of water for which the guest might ask, or for wine, for which the butler should keep a good lookout.

TABLE ETIQUETTE. See TABLE ETIQUETTE.

WOMEN. When wraps have been removed, and the woman leaves the dressing-room, the escort chosen by the hostess approaches and makes known the fact, accompanying her to the table. If the escort is not thoroughly agreeable to the woman, she should conceal the fact.

At the conclusion of a dinner the hostess rises and the women follow, leaving their napkins unfolded. They retire to the drawing-room, while the men remain for coffee and cigars.

If the men prefer, they may escort them to the drawing-room, where they bow and return.

GLOVES. Women may remove their gloves at table, and it is not necessary to replace them.

They should be laid in the lap. The hostess generally determines whether the women should resume their gloves or not by her own actions.

Full dress is worn.

GIVEN BY MEN—WOMEN. A young woman may accept a man’s invitation, provided she has the consent of her mother or guardian, and is assured that there will be present a chaperone.

GIVEN BY BACHELORS. See BACHELORS’ DINNERS.

DINNER DANCE.

INVITATIONS. The hostess issues two sets of invitations—one for those invited to both the dinner and the dance, and one for those invited to the dance only.

For the former she could use her usual engraved dinner cards with the words: Dancing at eleven, and for the latter her usual engraved At Home cards with the words: Dancing at eleven.

A less formal way for the latter invitation is to use the Mr. and Mrs. card or Mrs. and Miss card, and to write on it in the lower left hand corner: Dancing at ten, February the tenth.

DOCTOR—HOW ADDRESSED. A doctor or physician should be addressed as Dr. both by correspondence and in conversation.

This title of Dr. must not be confounded with the honorary degree of Doctor of Divinity, conferred upon clergymen by educational institutions, and the degree of Doctor of Philosophy, conferred upon college professors after certain conditions of study have been complied with.

DOWAGER DUCHESS. See DUCHESS, DOWAGER.

DOWAGER MARCHIONESS. See MARCHIONESS, DOWAGER.

DRESS.

AFTERNOON. See AFTERNOON—DRESS.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS—DRESS.

AT HOMES. See AT HOMES—DRESS.

BACHELORS’ DINNERS. See BACHELOR’S DINNERS—

DRESS.

BACHELORS’ TEAS. See BACHELOR’S TEAS—DRESS.

BALLS. See BALLS—DRESS.

BREAKFASTS. See BREAKFASTS—DRESS.

CHRISTENINGS. See CHRISTENING—DRESS.

COTILLIONS. See COTILLIONS—DRESS.

COTILLIONS BY SUBSCRIPTIONS. See COTILLIONS

BY SUBSCRIPTIONS—DRESS.

DANCES. See DANCES—DRESS.

DINNERS. See DINNERS—DRESS.

EVENING. See EVENING DRESS.

GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES—DRESS.

HIGH TEAS. See HIGHT TEAS—DRESS.

HOUSE PARTIES. See HOUSE PARTIES—DRESS.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEONS—DRESS.

MATINEES. See MATINEES—DRESS.

MUSICALES. See MUSICALES—DRESS.

THEATRES. See THEATRES—DRESS.

WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS—DRESS.

DRESS—MEN AND WOMEN. For particulars as to dress at different functions, see each entertainment —as, Balls, Dinners, At Homes, Theatres, Breakfasts, etc.

DRESS—WOMEN.

BRIDE. See BRIDE—DRESS.

BRIDESMAIDS. See BRIDESMAIDS—DRESS.

CALLS. See CALLS—WOMEN—DRESS.

FUNERALS. See FUNERALS—WOMEN—DRESS.

MAID OF HONOR. See MAIDOF HONOR—DRESS.

MOURNING. See MOURNING—DRESS, WOMEN.

DRESSING-ROOMS. At all entertainments, dressing-rooms should be provided for both the men and for the women, with suitable attendants, where all outer wraps, coats, over-shoes, etc., should be left.

DRIVING

MEN. When driving with a woman, a man should be careful that the carriage is well drawn up to the steps, and that she be given time in which to comfortably seat herself before he begins to drive.

A man when driving with a woman should refrain from asking her permission to smoke, and, of course, would never do so without her permission.

He should be careful to lift his hat as if he were on the street, and if this is not possible, to touch it with the whip in place of a bow.

The host of a coaching party, if he is also the whip, would give the chaperone the seat on the box at the left of his, unless he wished that seat to be occupied by some special young woman. The person occupying this seat should always be helped by the host to climb to her place.

It is customary when the coach is a high one to seat a woman between two men, and they would ascend and descend in the order in which they were seated.

Even if the woman asks a man to drive with her, he should help her to her seat, and be ready to step down when a halt is made to assist her to alight.

It is not customary when a woman has asked a man to drive with her for her to call for him at his club or home, but to meet him at her house.

DRESS. The whip wears a gray suit with a gray high hat and gray gloves, with a white silk tie and white linen. But in summer this costume is often made lighter and more comfortable to suit the weather, and a straw hat or panama, with flannel trousers and dark serge sacque coat, would be in good taste.

There are no hard and fast rules governing the dress of men when driving.

WOMEN. The etiquette in general is the same for a woman as for a man.

When a woman asks a man or a male relative to drive with her, she does not call for him, but meets him at her door. Even if a groom is present, he should help her to mount to her seat, and at the proper time descend before her and help her to alight.

DUCHESS—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, may it please Your Grace, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Grace’s obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My Dear Duchess of Kent, and ends: Believe me, dear Duchess, yours very truly.

The address on the envelope is: To Her Grace, The Duchess of Kent.

DUCHESS, DOWAGER—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: May it please YOUR Grace, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Graces’s obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Duchess Of Kent, and ends: Believe me, dear Duchess, yours very truly.

The address on the envelope is: To Her Grace, The Dowager Duchess of Kent, or, To Her Grace, Minnie, Duchess of Kent.

DUKE—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord Duke, may it please your grace, and ends: I have the honor to be your grace’s most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Duke of Kent, and ends: believe me, dear Duke, your Grace’s very faithfully.

The address on the envelope is: To His Grace, The Duke of Kent.

DAUGHTER OF. See Daughter of Duke.

WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF. See Wife of

Younger Son of Duke.

YOUNGER SON OF. See Son (Younger) of Duke.

EARL—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to be your lordship’s obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable The Earl Of Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lord Kent, and ends: Believe me my dear Lord Kent, very sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the Earl of Kent

DAUGHTER OF. See Daughter of Earl.

WIFE OF YOUNGER SON. See Wife of Younger Son of Earl.

YOUNGER SON OF. See Son (Younger) of Earl.

EGGS are usually broken into a glass and eaten with a spoon.

ELEVATOR. Men should remove their hats when riding in an elevator with women, although it is held by some that an elevator is as much a public conveyance as a car, and this act of courtesy as unnecessary in the one place as in the other. Women enter and leave before men.

ENGAGEMENT.

MEN It is his duty to see the woman’s parents or guardian, and to make known his intentions, and to tell them fully and frankly about himself, his family, his social position, and business prospects. He should court the fullest investigation, and take his own family into his confidence, but not mention it to others.

PARENTS OF MAN. They should send their pleasant greetings and congratulations, accompanied with flowers, and if both families are old acquaintances, a present may be sent to the prospective bride.

PARENTS OF WOMAN. The first step is to bring together both parents in social intercourse—

as, by a dinner given by the man’s or woman’s family, when friends may be invited, by interchange of notes and congratulations, by any social visit, or by any function that good taste may dictate.

If one family lives out of town, it may invite various members of the other family living in the city to make visits of some duration, as a week or more. These visits should be returned.

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT. This item of news is rarely published in the papers, but if it is, the expense is borne by the family of the woman. The public announcement is usually made at some social entertainment—as, a dinner, tea, or an “At Home,” given by either family.

At a formal dinner given by the family of the woman, the father takes out his daughter first and her fiance escorts her mother. At the proper time the father drinks his future son-in-law’s health and announces the engagement. All rise, and congratulations follow.

Notes may be written to intimate friends informing them of the happy event.

WOMEN. A woman should at once confide in her parents, and trust to their future guidance and to their making a full investigation of the man, his social condition, and business prospects. They should not mention the matter to others.

Immediately after the engagement, each of the two parties should be introduced to the family of the other party. Before the wedding-cards are issued the woman should leave her card personally at the homes of her friends, but without entering. After the wedding-cards are issued she should not appear at any social function, or make any personal visits, or be seen at any place of amusement.

It is not wise for her to call at the place of business of her fiance, and if a meeting is necessary, it is better to make an appointment elsewhere.

RING. The ring is given by the man immediately after the announcement of the engagement to the woman, who wears it on the third finger of her left hand. It should be a small and unostentatious one. Diamonds, rubies, moonstones, sapphires, and other precious stones may be used.

He may ask the woman to aid him in the selection, but it is better for him to make the selection alone. The woman may give the man an engagement ring or a gift if she wishes.

ENTERTAINMENTS—CALLS AFTER. See CALLS—MEN—AFTER

ENTERTAINMENTS.

ENVELOPES, ADDRESSING. See ADDRESSING ENVELOPES.

ESQUIRE. Either ESQ. or MR. may be used in addressing a letter, but never the two at the same time.

EVENING CALLS. When no special day for receiving is indicated, calls may be made at any proper hour, according to the custom of the locality.

Men of leisure may call at the fashionable hours, from two till five o’clock in the afternoon, while business and professional men may call between eight and nine in the evening, as their