Kerplunk - It's Over!! by A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends (i can read with my eyes shut txt) 📖

prayers were answered. Just a lot of little day to day things but I felt like I was being guided and helped. I have continued to live this way ever since.” – Pam, 29


PRAYER OF CONFESSION

I confess to you, knowing God, what I am.
I am not the person I like others to think I am.
I am afraid to admit, even to myself, what lies in the depths of my soul.
But I cannot hide my true self from you.
You know me as I am, and yet you love me.
Help me not to shrink from self knowledge.
Teach me to respect myself for your sake.
Give me the courage to put my trust in your guiding power.
Raise me out of the paralysis of guilt into the freedom
and energy of forgiven people.
And for those who through long habit find forgiveness hard to accept,
I ask you to break my bondage and set me free;
through Jesus Christ our Redeemer. Amen.

(England 20th Century - UMC Book of Worship)


No therapy for me, thanks! I’m full!
A few of our girlfriends chose to forego therapy for different reasons. Some could not persuade their Ex to go with them. Some refused because they felt they simply didn’t need it. Others dove into self-help books and Internet research and self-diagonosed their problem: chronic unhappiness due to bad life choices and poor mate selection!
“My Ex consistently refused to go to therapy with me. He said I was the crazy/a b!t*h, so why should he waste his valuable time on MY problems?!” – Brooke, 43
“We never when to therapy – he wasn’t worth it.” – Angie, 30
“He was already in therapy for bipolar disorder. I had attended several support groups for his condition. I knew I didn’t need therapy. I just needed to be free from his continued mental anguish.” – Courtney, 52
We know it can be an overwhelming decision to go if you have never been to therapy. That is ok! Most of us were in the same place you are right now. You can do it and we'll cheer with you after your first session. You might cry or laugh, but we can guarantee that your eyes will be a little more open than before you went in! "People generate the type of life that they think that they deserve." – Dr. Phil. So let's not waste any more time on what's his name and move into the amazing life that we deserve! Come on! Giddy up, girlfriends!
Chapter 6 Checklist: Therapy – Is a couch trip going to fix what’s broken?

___ Check this to acknowledge that you are open to investigating therapy or counseling.
___ You are going to counseling alone.
___ You are going to counseling alone with your spouse?
___ If you went to therapy, list 1 thing that you learned: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
___ List 2 issues you would like to work on with your therapist:
________________________________________________________________


CHAPTER 7
Positive Power – Just Say No to Hater-Aid!
Hater-Aid - Say what? It is the millennial drink option for those who can’t find what they want in Gatorade or Kool-Aid. It tastes kinda good in a sickening sweet, syrupy way, doesn’t it? Come on. Admit it. It’s addictive. You get started and you can’t stop. You mixed it up, after all. You concocted this special blend of Hater-Aid that you take sips (no gulps) of it whenever things aren’t going your way. You take a nip when you convince yourself that nothing is wrong and if something is wrong it’s all your fault and you can fix it. You know what Hater-Aid tastes like, don’t you? You know how it makes you feel. It makes you say things like:
“This is all my fault.”
“I was crazy to think that I could make it on my own.”
“I’m so stupid! I hate myself.”
“My kids are miserable. They will never forgive me.”
“This is too much! The attorneys, the police, the expense! I am so afraid!”
“Everyone is judging me! No one understands. They believe his lies.”
Hater-Aid! Available in these fruitylicous, tempting flavors: “Oh, I’m So Blue-Berry”, I’ve Been Lied to Limeade”, “Pity Me Pineapple” … you get the idea. Stop drinking that poison right this minute. Just say NO to Hater-Aid! We know there may be days when you are feeling completely out of sorts. Nothing is going your way. You may feel like you are fighting an uphill battle with no army to help with the attack and no one to bring up the rear. We had those days. Those days when you hate and doubt yourself. When you regret that you even made this decision, chose this life and you want to give up. When that happens, turn to this chapter and let us boost you back up, girlfriends.

New! Hater-Aid! Available in these fruitylicous, tempting flavors:
Oh, I’m So Blue-Berry, I’ve Been Lied to Limeade, Pity Me Pineapple,
Divorce Sucks and My Butt is so Big! Banana
I Feel Rotten Raspberry … you get the idea.
Stop drinking that poison right this minute.
Just say NO to Hater-Aid!

Personal Empowerment 101
(Otherwise known as Take Charge of YOUR LIFE, Sweetie!)
It’s time to pump up your ego and prop up your self-esteem. Roll up your sleeves because we are giving you a shot of positivity! Come to this very page when you need to give yourself a lift. When you are filled with doubt and self-deprecating brain paralyzing thoughts, turn to this chapter and hear our cry to all of our girlfriends in pain and in a pity pit: Be Strong! Just keep going. It will finally end!
No man is worth making yourself miserable over. Believe in yourself!
“Everything works out in the end.
If it’s not working out for you,
then it’s just not the end.”
– Patty Briguglio

Don’t agree to things, or give up things you are feeling forced to accept just to get through the drama more quickly. Don’t avoid things because you think it will make it smoother for the kids. You will regret it later. Hold your ground.
And on a positive note…
He was so calm and offered to help pack, move, pay child support. I don’t have any bad feelings toward him. – Ava, 33
Your kids will get through it and one day they will realize why this happened. Their future relationships will benefit from how well you handle this.
You are the one who chose to allow this husband into your life. Take responsibility for that choice. Now applaud yourself for how much you are learning from your mistakes. Learn from it and there will not be a need to choose those personality traits in a mate ever again. There is NO excuse for abuse. Never. You made the absolute right choice to escape an abusive relationship.
“There was no abuse, not ill will, no infidelity so it was hard for us to say what happened. We just looked at each other as we were driving home from the relatives for a holiday dinner and knew that it wasn’t right anymore. The kids were grown. We decided to separate and start on new chapters in our lives.” – Brynn, 59
“It is okay to set appropriate personal boundaries and hold fast to them. You are the master of your universe. You control who gains access to your mind, your body, and your soul. You CAN choose to NOT answer the phone. To not return voice mails. To not read emails and to NOT answer the door!” – Camille, 37
And on a positive note…
“I don’t see that I’ve made mistakes, but rather that I’ve made missteps. I have learned so much and I’m not sure how else I would have learned this. I see life as a school and that we all have lessons to learn!” – Crystal, 46
“Make NO verbal agreements – put everything in writing – no matter how persuasive or charming he may be (or may pretend to be).” – Audrey, 56

Don’t blame yourself for everything and don’t be afraid.

“You will stop crying, you’ll breathe again and when all is said and done your heart will stop hurting (well, it won’t hurt as much).” –Ginger, 35
“Learn the power of “ok”! Figure out what is worth fighting for and what is not.” – Penny, 52
You CAN make it on your own. You are worthy on your own.
“Do not negotiate your children – think about the real bottom line.” – Pam, 47
“You will never truly know the man you are married to until you divorce him!”

Do exactly what your attorney says, they’ve seen it all, heard it all – you think you know best but actually your attorney probably does. FYI – attorneys told us you really don’t know your husband at all. They were right.
Trust your GUT!
Get a journal to write down emotions and don’t rely on friends and family to work it all out for you.
“Expect the worst, pray for the best!” – Anita, 40
A little bit of feel good goes a long way! Pass the Hater-Aid Antidote!
Okay, we will allow you an occasional pity party but don’t make it a habit. We mean it! This is the hand that life has dealt you, girlfriend. It’s time to pick up the cards and get in the game! Just say no to self-medicating! No to binging on those Bugles® and cookie dough! No to a night on your couch with a six-pack of beer! No to the bottle of wine! No to pulling the covers over your head and spending the entire weekend in a Lifetime Movie cry-athon! Get up! Get moving! Get connected and stay healthy!
It can be the absolute last thing on your list when you are drained or exhausted, but get out and be with people and move it, Sister! Add some exercise. Join a fitness group, gym, neighborhood walking group – anything to keep those exercise-induced endorphins flowing through your stressed out body.
This is no time for hibernating or being a hermit – oh yeah, we know you are thinking …just a few days; I need some alone time…NO! You are too important and valuable! You will feel better, other people and new surroundings entertain your mind. Then you just won’t be able to help it! You will feel better!
You are going to have bad days. We know. Life’s not fair, and who ever told you this, lied to you. Expect some downer days and know that they too shall pass. But when you find yourself having one of those days when absolutely everything goes wrong, flip open this chapter and re-read your favorite lines. Write it down on a post-it and stick it to your mirror, put it on your calendar, or put it on your steering wheel! Yeah, days like that pop up like summer thunderstorms. We are sorry, honey because we know days like these just suck. They may blow your lawn furniture all over the back yard and knock over your potted geraniums, but those thunderstorms do roll past and the sun will shine again soon. We were there. We survived. We know you can get through this too.


Chapter 7 Checklist: Positive Power – Just Say NO to Hateraid!

___ Stop Blaming yourself!
___ Turn anxiousness into ACTION and move forward!
___ Start to TRUST your gut or intuition!