Fantastic Fables by Ambrose Bierce (self help books to read .TXT) 📖

the Swallow

 

A SWALLOW who had built her nest in a court of justice reared a

fine family of young birds. One day a Snake came out of a chink in

the wall and was about to eat them. The Just Judge at once issued

an injunction, and making an order for their removal to his own

house, ate them himself.

 

The Wolves and the Dogs

 

“WHY should there be strife between us?” said the Wolves to the

Sheep. “It is all owing to those quarrelsome dogs. Dismiss them,

and we shall have peace.”

 

“You seem to think,” replied the Sheep, “that it is an easy thing

to dismiss dogs. Have you always found it so?”

 

The Hen and the Vipers

 

A HEN who had patiently hatched out a brood of vipers, was accosted

by a Swallow, who said: “What a fool you are to give life to

creatures who will reward you by destroying you.”

 

“I am a little bit on the destroy myself,” said the Hen, tranquilly

swallowing one of the little reptiles; “and it is not an act of

folly to provide oneself with the delicacies of the season.”

 

A Seasonable Joke

 

A SPENDTHRIFT, seeing a single swallow, pawned his cloak, thinking

that Summer was at hand. It was.

 

The Lion and the Thorn

 

A LION roaming through the forest, got a thorn in his foot, and,

meeting a Shepherd, asked him to remove it. The Shepherd did so,

and the Lion, having just surfeited himself on another shepherd,

went away without harming him. Some time afterward the Shepherd

was condemned on a false accusation to be cast to the lions in the

amphitheatre. When they were about to devour him, one of them

said:

 

“This is the man who removed the thorn from my foot.”

 

Hearing this, the others honourably abstained, and the claimant ate

the Shepherd all himself.

 

The Fawn and the Buck

 

A FAWN said to its father: “You are larger, stronger, and more

active than a dog, and you have sharp horns. Why do you run away

when you hear one barking?”

 

“Because, my child,” replied the Buck, “my temper is so uncertain

that if I permit one of those noisy creatures to come into my

presence I am likely to forget myself and do him an injury.”

 

The Kite, the Pigeons, and the Hawk

 

SOME Pigeons exposed to the attacks of a Kite asked a Hawk to

defend them. He consented, and being admitted into the cote waited

for the Kite, whom he fell upon and devoured. When he was so

surfeited that he could scarcely move, the grateful Pigeons

scratched out his eyes.

 

The Wolf and the Babe

 

A FAMISHING Wolf, passing the door of a cottage in the forest,

heard a Mother say to her babe:

 

“Be quiet, or I will throw you out of the window, and the wolves

will get you.”

 

So he waited all day below the window, growing more hungry all the

time. But at night the Old Man, having returned from the village

club, threw out both Mother and Child.

 

The Wolf and the Ostrich

 

A WOLF, who in devouring a man had choked himself with a bunch of

keys, asked an ostrich to put her head down his throat and pull

them out, which she did.

 

“I suppose,” said the Wolf, “you expect payment for that service.”

 

“A kind act,” replied the Ostrich, “is its own reward; I have eaten

the keys.”

 

The Herdsman and the Lion

 

A HERDSMAN who had lost a bullock entreated the gods to bring him

the thief, and vowed he would sacrifice a goat to them. Just then

a Lion, his jaws dripping with bullock’s blood, approached the

Herdsman.

 

“I thank you, good deities,” said the Herdsman, continuing his

prayer, “for showing me the thief. And now if you will take him

away, I will stand another goat.”

 

The Man and the Viper

 

A MAN finding a frozen Viper put it into his bosom.

 

“The coldness of the human heart,” he said, with a grin, “will keep

the creature in his present condition until I can reach home and

revive him on the coals.”

 

But the pleasures of hope so fired his heart that the Viper thawed,

and sliding to the ground thanked the Man civilly for his

hospitality and glided away.

 

The Man and the Eagle

 

AN Eagle was once captured by a Man, who clipped his wings and put

him in the poultry yard, along with the chickens. The Eagle was

much depressed in spirits by the change.

 

“Why should you not rather rejoice?” said the Man. “You were only

an ordinary fellow as an eagle; but as an old rooster you are a

fowl of incomparable distinction.

 

The War-horse and the Miller

 

HAVING heard that the State was about to be invaded by a hostile

army, a War-horse belonging to a Colonel of the Militia offered his

services to a passing Miller.

 

“No,” said the patriotic Miller, “I will employ no one who deserts

his position in the hour of danger. It is sweet to die for one’s

country.”

 

Something in the sentiment sounded familiar, and, looking at the

Miller more closely the War-horse recognised his master in

disguise.

 

The Dog and the Reflection

 

A DOG passing over a stream on a plank saw his reflection in the

water.

 

“You ugly brute!” he cried; “how dare you look at me in that

insolent way.”

 

He made a grab in the water, and, getting hold of what he supposed

was the other dog’s lip, lifted out a fine piece of meat which a

butcher’s boy had dropped into the stream.

 

The Man and the Fish-horn

 

A TRUTHFUL Man, finding a musical instrument in the road, asked the

name of it, and was told that it was a fish-horn. The next time he

went fishing he set his nets and blew the fish-horn all day to

charm the fish into them; but at nightfall there were not only no

fish in his nets, but none along that part of the coast. Meeting a

friend while on his way home he was asked what luck he had had.

 

“Well,” said the Truthful Man, “the weather is not right for

fishing, but it’s a red-letter day for music.”

 

The Hare and the Tortoise

 

A HARE having ridiculed the slow movements of a Tortoise, was

challenged by the latter to run a race, a Fox to go to the goal and

be the judge. They got off well together, the hare at the top of

her speed, the Tortoise, who had no other intention than making his

antagonist exert herself, going very leisurely. After sauntering

along for some time he discovered the Hare by the wayside,

apparently asleep, and seeing a chance to win pushed on as fast as

he could, arriving at the goal hours afterward, suffering from

extreme fatigue and claiming the victory.

 

“Not so,” said the Fox; “the Hare was here long ago, and went back

to cheer you on your way.”

 

Hercules and the Carter

 

A CARTER was driving a waggon loaded with a merchant’s goods, when

the wheels stuck in a rut. Thereupon he began to pray to Hercules,

without other exertion.

 

“Indolent fellow!” said Hercules; “you ask me to help you, but will

not help yourself.”

 

So the Carter helped himself to so many of the most valuable goods

that the horses easily ran away with the remainder.

 

The Lion and the Bull

 

A LION wishing to lure a Bull to a place where it would be safe to

attack him, said: “My friend, I have killed a fine sheep; will you

come with me and partake of the mutton?”

 

“With pleasure,” said the Bull, “as soon as you have refreshed

yourself a little for the journey. Pray have some grass.”

 

The Man and his Goose

 

“SEE these valuable golden eggs,” said a Man that owned a Goose.

“Surely a Goose which can lay such eggs as those must have a gold

mine inside her.”

 

So he killed the Goose and cut her open, but found that she was

just like any other goose. Moreover, on examining the eggs that

she had laid he found they were just like any other eggs.

 

The Wolf and the Feeding Goat

 

A WOLF saw a Goat feeding at the summit of a rock, where he could

not get at her.

 

“Why do you stay up there in that sterile place and go hungry?”

said the Wolf. “Down here where I am the broken-bottle vine cometh

up as a flower, the celluloid collar blossoms as the rose, and the

tin-can tree brings forth after its kind.”

 

“That is true, no doubt,” said the Goat, “but how about the circus-poster crop? I hear that it failed this year down there.”

 

The Wolf, perceiving that he was being chaffed, went away and

resumed his duties at the doors of the poor.

 

Jupiter and the Birds

 

JUPITER commanded all the birds to appear before him, so that he

might choose the most beautiful to be their king. The ugly

jackdaw, collecting all the fine feathers which had fallen from the

other birds, attached them to his own body and appeared at the

examination, looking very gay. The other birds, recognising their

own borrowed plumage, indignantly protested, and began to strip

him.

 

“Hold!” said Jupiter; “this self-made bird has more sense than any

of you. He is your king.”

 

The Lion and the Mouse

 

A LION who had caught a Mouse was about to kill him, when the Mouse

said:

 

“If you will spare my life, I will do as much for you some day.”

 

The Lion, good-naturedly let him go. It happened shortly

afterwards that the Lion was caught by some hunters and bound with

cords. The Mouse, passing that way, and seeing that his benefactor

was helpless, gnawed off his tail.

 

The Old Man and His Sons

 

AN Old Man, afflicted with a family of contentious Sons, brought in

a bundle of sticks and asked the young men to break it. After

repeated efforts they confessed that it could not be done.

“Behold,” said the Old Man, “the advantage of unity; as long as

these sticks are in alliance they are invincible, but observe how

feeble they are individually.”

 

Pulling a single stick from the bundle, he broke it easily upon the

head of the eldest Son, and this he repeated until all had been

served.

 

The Crab and His Son

 

A LOGICAL Crab said to his Son, “Why do you not walk straight

forward? Your sidelong gait is singularly ungraceful.”

 

“Why don’t you walk straight forward yourself,” said the Son.

 

“Erring youth,” replied the Logical Crab, “you are introducing new

and irrelevant matter.”

 

The North Wind and the Sun

 

THE Sun and the North Wind disputed which was the more powerful,

and agreed that he should be declared victor who could the sooner

strip a traveller of his clothes. So they waited until a traveller

came by. But the traveller had been indiscreet enough to stay over

night at a summer hotel, and had no clothes.

 

The Mountain and the Mouse

 

A MOUNTAIN was in labour, and the people of seven cities had

assembled to watch its movements and hear its groans. While they

waited in breathless expectancy out came a Mouse.

 

“Oh, what a baby!” they cried in derision.

 

“I may be a baby,” said the Mouse, gravely, as he passed outward

through the