The Self Harmed by Chalen D. (libby ebook reader .txt) 📖

spun around and walked down the hall.

“I’m sorry.” Clara shook her head and ran after him.

“Clara!” And there went Ayelie.

“Aylie!” Ryder jogged down the hall.

“I’ll talk to them.”

I nodded, Alex kissed my forehead and jogged after them.

“Come on!” He tossed up his hands.

“I thought you said they were nice.”

“My eating disorder taught me how to lie.” I informed him. “What wing are you in?”

“Same as you. Room one-oh-six.”

I swallowed. Daniel’s room.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” I grabbed my bags, “You’re next door to me. Come on.”

I showed Caden next door and then tossed all my old clothes onto the bed. I shoved my new clothes into my trunck and tossed all my old clothes in the suitcase. I zipped it up and took off my makeup bag, setting it on the bed. I took off my backpack as well and shoved everything that was in my old one into the new one. I had lost two shoe sizes thanks to my eating disorder. I shoved all my old shoes into a bag and stopped with one of them in my hands. I lifted the pad and gave a half smile, and shoved it into my bag.

“Who’s Daniel?” Caden asked.

“Hand me that bag.” I pointed.

He handed me the bag with my shoes, and I began to put them in my closet.

“How do you know about Daniel?”

“His name is carved into the desk.”

“He’s the kid that was in your room before you.”

“What happened to him?”

“ I’ll show you.” I stood up.

“Where we going?” He asked following me into the hall.

“You’ll see.”

Caden was silent as we looked down at the stones. There was fresh flowers and candles.

“You would of liked him.”

“You sure about that?”

I laughed, “Yes. And Alen too.”

I grabbed a year book and turned to the page.

“This is them.” I handed it over.

Caden studied their faces and ran a thumb over Ava.

“What about her? She’s pretty. What happened?” He looked at me.

I took the book and slammed it shut, and bent down. Caden flowed me.

“She killed herself when she heard that they were murdered."

“Murdered?”

I flopped on my butt and he followed suit.

“Alen and Daniel snuck out and some girl was about to get rapped. The guys were gang members. Daniel and Alen tried to help.”

“They got shot didn’t they?”

“Bang, bang.” I muttered pulling the trigger on my finger gun.

“They were good. They were trying to help.”

“They didn’t care Caden." I looked at him. “They didn’t care that they had a family, or friends.”

A jacket came down on my shoulder and I stood.

“If I keep taking all you’re jackets I’ll have to buy you one for Christmas.” I smiled at Ryder who kissed my nose.

Caden stood up too.

“Mr. Pepper is taking down the November decorations in the dining hall. He wants to know if you’ll help put up the december ones.”

“Sure.” I pulled my arms through the sleeves.

“You too, Caden.”

“Yeah sure.” Caden offered up a smile.

Ryder smiled back and grabbed my hand.

“Why are you smiling?” He asked as we headed to the hall.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He kissed my head.

“Here.” Ayelie handed over a string of lights to Caden. “Have fun.” She grinned.

“I will.” He grinned back.

Ayelie snorted and walked to a box.

“I’ll hold the latter.” Owen said.

“Uh,” Caden began.

“I’ll hold the latter.” I said quickly.

Caden relaxed.

“Why are you taking his side?” Owen demanded.

“At least he didn’t let me think you were dead.”

“Well that’s not very humane of you now is it?” Caden asked.

I glared at him.

“Sorry.” He looked down at the string of lights.

“Hand the lights over to Charlie.” Clara said. “We need your freaky hight to help with the snow flakes. And Ryder will hold the latter.” She glared at Owen.

He didn’t Glare back, he actually Grinned at her.

“Stop.” She told him.

“I’m sorry.”

I was about to say something but Caden flopped the lights at me with too much force.

“Sorry.” He said, reaching out for me.

But Ryder had already grabbed me glare in place.

“It’s okay. And when you all grow up you’re going to have the worst wrinkles.”

Alex burst out laughing.

“Alright, got the other lights.” Mr. Pepper came into the hall.

“Light duty.” I raised a finger.

He handed over the box and grinned. “Nice to have you back Charlie. All of you.” He added louder. “I’ve missed you.”

“You’ve missed the free labor.” Owen joked.

“That I did.” Mr. Pepper laughed, grabbing a bag of cotton for fake snow.

Ryder grabbed a latter and we walked to the end of the room.

“I missed you.” He said after I set the box down. “I missed you a lot."

He kissed me, and Ayelie whistled. I knew it was Ayelie because she was the only one that could whistle like that. Ear shattering.

“Break it up,” Mr. Pepper called.

Ryder steadied the latter and I climbed up with a sting of lights.

“Okay, Hand me the gun.” I reached for the staple gun. “Ow!” I looked down at him. “Did you just bite my butt?”

“It’s my butt.” He shrugged.

I pushed his head and we laughed.

“Careful, don’t fall.”

I held the blue icicle lights to the wall and stapled them in place.

~The talent show~

We were all sitting under the tree smoking. Ryder was leaning against the tree, and I was leaning against him. Ayelie was leaning on Alex, who had an arm over her collar bones to our right, and to our left Clara sat next to Ryder, and Owen sat next to her.

“Look at this.” Caden Bent in front of me and held out a paper.

“Talent show.” I took the paper.

“We should get the band back together.” He smiled.

“No.” Owen and I said together.

“Why?”

“Band?” Clara looked at Owen.

“I’ll take that.” Ayelie leaned forward and snatched the paper from me before falling back on Alex.

“We where little.” Owen shook his head.

“It’s a good idea.” Caden took the pack of smokes from my pocket and took one.

He handed the pack over and pulled out a lighter.

“How’d you sneak that in her?.” Ayelie nodded.

“You really want to know?” Caden grinned.

“No.” Owen covered Clara’s ears.

Caden smiled, “You’re only saying no because you used to do it.”

Owen opened his mouth but it was me who spoke.

“We all did, now drop it.”

“So what do you say, Charlie?” Caden asked. “You still got that voice?”

“You sing?”

“No.” I looked at Clara and then at Caden. “No.”

“I want to hear you sing.” Ayelie said.

“Me too.” Alex said.

“No.” I sang.

Owen smiled.

“You sing with him.” I spat at him.

“No!” Him and Caden said together.

“I sound like a Wahle.” Owen said.

“A dying one at that.” Added Caden.

Owen tossed a hand out to him in agreement.

“It doesn’t matter.” Alex said and we all looked at him. “It’s a thing they do here. You pick a song or a play or anything about something you’ve been trying to get over here at school. It’s mandatory. They invite our parents and everything.”

“Perfect. You’re with me then, Charlie.” Caden grinned.

“Us?” Clara asked and Owne nodded.

“I’ll be with you.” Ayelie told Alex.

“Wait-“

“I’ll go solo.” Ryder kissed my head "It’s okay.”

“Perfect.” Caden grinned, “Then it’s settled.”

~The show must go on~

I had just Was standing off to the side of the stage behind the curtain as Clara and Owen came onto stage. I could tell Owen was nervous. I knew him. Clara sat on a stool and adjusted the microphone. She nodded at Owen and He nodded back. I was surprised to see him sitting behind the keyboard and so was Caden.

“I rubbed off on him.” He smiled.

“Sh.” I pushed his arm, with a smile.

“Oh darling, can’t you see the way we merge and intertwine? The day that you were born, I said ‘I knew you would be mine.’ I breathe in and you breathe out. I end where you begin. The fiber of your being and the shivers on your skin. Keep running up that hill my love, keep running to your dream. The life that you’re competing for, They’ll never hear your screams.

So dine upon my misery, and waste me to my core. Just waiting to be weightless, that’s all I’m asking for. Pastel pallor of your face, impassive air of icy grace. Your poker-face, your ribs of lace, dependent on my cold embrace. You’re losing at this sluggish pace, You idiotic waste of space. Your guilt and hunger I’ll erase, you’re winning in this brittle race. Keep running up that hill my love, keep running to your dream.

The life that you’re competing for, They’ll never hear your screams. So dine upon my misery, and waste me to my core. Just waiting to be weightless, that’s all I’m asking for. So punish me for starters, and exert me for dessert. Fragile skin so paper thin, just starve me if it works. Thrust your menu at my strength, seduction at its worst. You’ll be my friend until the end, together we are cursed.

Keep running up that hill my love, keep running to your dream. The life that you’re competing for, They’ll never hear your screams. So dine upon my misery, and waste me to my core. Just waiting to be weightless, that’s all I’m asking for. Glossy thinspiration, concave declaration, long limbed exacerbation, of this mental sublimation. Perfection by the pound, and feeling sinless by the stone, just waiting to be weightless, with the volume of my own. I’ll keep running up that hill, I will keep running to my dream, the life that I’m competing for, they’ll never hear my screams.

 So light and high, that I can fly. Above the rest I’ll sore. Just waiting to be weightless, that’s all I’m craving for.”

Everyone stood and clapped as they finished. They both bowed and then left and stood on the other side of the stage. Clara waved at me as I gave Ayelie a hug for support. She sat at the microphone, Alex at the piano.   

“There is a girl in the front of my class who I swear I’ve never seen do anything but laugh. She tall and she’s smart, beautiful and strong, and when someone’s down she tries to fix what is wrong. How does someone so perfect, feel so insecure as to scar her skin with cuts and burns, and still want to hurt more? How does someone so loving, learn to hate her own guts? Drawing a picture on her arms with a blade as if her mind isn’t dark enough. There is a girl in the front of my class who’s eyes are glazed over like newly cut glass. The ghost of a smile, hints at her face and she laughs as they tell her ‘Who’s on first base.’

How does someone so perfect, feel so insecure as