The Self Harmed by Chalen D. (libby ebook reader .txt) 📖

~Someone like me~

It was eight o’clock, and the school had put stones in the school’s garden. Alen Jake Nicks- Daniel Victor Nickolson- Ava Angel Blaire. Angels who will always watch over the school, and their students. But only a few of us would know their real story. Their lives. The things that each of them stood for and protected. It didn’t matter how they died.

They were too young to be taken. They had set little glass candles around the stones with the names. They would be lit every night to remember the three. A heavy jacket was placed on my shoulders followed by hands.

“You okay?”

“Why did they have to die?” I asked. “Why couldn’t someone else die? Someone who was a bad person, who kept secrets from the ones they loved. Someone like me.”

“Hey.” Ryder spun me to face him. “Don’t think that way.”

“They didn’t deserve to die Ryder.” I hissed, looking at the stones and tossing a hand. “They were good people. They had their whole lives a head of them. Families, jobs. The whole nine yards. What are we supposed to do? Just fucking move on?”

His face was stone, “We’re supposed to get better Charlie.” He looked at the stones. “So we don’t end up like them. Good people with just a stupid fucking stone to remember them by.”

“Hey,” I reached for his arm.

But he pulled his arm away, and walked down the path way disappearing behind the wall.

“Ryder?” I called. “Ryder!” I ran after him pulling on his jacket sleeves.

I ran down the hall after him.

“Don’t do this!”

“Don’t do what?” He continued down the hall.

“Don’t you shut me out.”

“Don’t shut you out?” He spun around and looked down at me. “Alen was my little brother! And Daniel was my cousin! Ava was a family friend Charlie!”

“What?” I took a couple of steps back.

“Yeah,” He laughed once. “You didn’t see that little twist in the story did you?”

“Ryder, please!” I yelled after him. “Ryder! You’re not going to do this.”

“Do what?” He asked me when I grabbed his arm. 

“You’re not going to give up.” I glared at him. “Your going to remember what good people they were.”

“I can’t.” He shook his head.

“Your going to remember that their love was pure.”

“Stop.” He crushed my hand in his.

“You’re going to remember each of them, and you’re going to be strong for them. You won’t give up for Alen. You’re not going to stop for Daniel, you won’t give in For Ava.”

“ I won’t stop for Daniel.” He gasped. “I won’t give in for Ava.” He gripped my hand tighter. “ I won’t give up for Alen.” A tear slid down his cheek.

I nodded a sob escaping, “You won’t stop fighting for you.”

He looked at me, and grabbed my face, “I won’t stop fighting for you Charlie. Because I love you.”

“Come here.” I hugged him. “I love you.”

~The year book~

“Charlie?” Someone sat down next to me, and bumped my shoulder. “Charlie?”

“Huh?” I ripped my gaze from the stones and looked at Owen.

“You missed breakfast.”

“People are worried about me, I’m guessing.”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Alex.”

“Alex?” I asked confused. “Why?”

“He said he has a bad feeling.”

“Why?”

“Because they’re all trying to get better-“

“So they don’t end up stones in a garden, and I skipped breakfast so they think that I’m not going to get better.” I stood up, and Owen raised a hand.

“Exactly.”

I pulled him to his feet.

“Do me a favor and tell them that I ate okay? I have to get ready for class.”

“Hey Charlie?”

“What?” I turned back to him.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m good.” I walked around the hedge.

“Nice jacket.” He called.

“Thanks.” I shook my head a little and pushed open the door.

“So.” Alex came literally out no where and put his arm around my shoulders.

“So.” I grabbed his hand.

“You missed breakfast Sister.”

“And how do you not know I ate alone Brother?”

We stopped walking and glared at each other.

“I’m watching you, Sister.”

“You won’t find much Brother.”

He pecked my forehead, and headed down the hall, “See you in class.”

“See you there.”

I changed into a long sleeved shirt and some leggings. I pulled on Ryder’s jacket grabbed my backpack and left my room. This was my room. Not the one at the new place. This felt like home.

“Charlie!” I turned and saw Mr. Pepper jog down the hall through kids, his tie smacking him in the face.

“Hi Mr. Pepper.” I smiled.

“Hey.” He nodded. “So I haven’t seen you walking around with your camera lately. It’s a shame really, so I was wondering if you wanted to be in charge of the year book?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, We already took self-pictures while you were gone.” He lifted up a camera.

“Oh.” I stood against the wall and smiled.

The camera flashed and I blinked.

“So what do you think?”

“Sure.” I nodded. “I’ll be in charge of the year book.”

“Thanks.” He punched my arm and jogged down the hall.

“He only asked you because I turned him down.” Ryder passed me.

My mouth popped open. He looked back and grinned at me.

“Ass hole.” I laughed jogging after him.

He grabbed my hand and we walked to classs. At lunch I slipped out and walked to my room. I grabbed my camera and went out to the garden. People would remember them if I had anything to do with it. I took three pictures of the stones and then went to Mr. Peppers class room. He had a big file of pictures he took.  

He filed them away by names. I grabbed the folder that had Ava, Daniel, Alen, Ayelie, Alex printed on it and sat at a table. I opened the folder and the first picture was of Ayelie and Ava. They both looked younger. They were standing under the tree holding Pinky’s. The next was of Daniel and Alen in the hall, Alen’s arm tossed around Daniels shoulders. The next was of Alen and Ryder.

Ryder had Alen in a head lock. The next was of Daniel and Ryder they were sitting on a bench in the garden both sticking out tongues with a rock on sign. So Ryder hung out with them once upon a time. The next picture was of Alen in the garden, with me On his back. I was laughing, my hand on my head to keep his beanie on. I smiled. The next picture was of me and Daniel.

Daniel was holding me bridal style and I was laughing pushing his face away from me, his mouth in a kissy face. I laughed, and set that picture in my pile. The next stopped me cold. It was of Ava and I. Ava’s legs where wrapped around my waist, and our faces were pushed together, both of us smiling. I took pictures of the pictures and went back to my room. I put the pictures on a hard drive and opened my door to Mr. Pepper.

“Jeesh!” We both jumped back.

“I just wanted to give this to you. It’s a proto type. All you have to do is fill in the blank spaces with pictures. I book marked a page.”

“Thanks.”

“And I put in a few pictures myself.”

“Okay.”

He nodded and left.

I grabbed my camera bag and turned to the page he book marked. R.I.P was at the top. There was a space for two pictures on the first page, and then on the second there was a big picture, and on the bottom there was three smaller ones, already tapped in was Daniel Alen and Ava’s pictures. I tapped in the pictures of the stones and turned to page. Always here. I tapped in the rest of the pictures, and then turned to the first page. I flipped a couple more pages.

The Best friend: Ava.

Most likely to care: Daniel

Most likely to save a life: Alen

Most Scary: Ayelie

Most likely to Recover: Ryder

The Best Big Brother: Alex

The Best little sister: Clara

The New strange kid: Owen

Most likely to change the world: Charlie

I smiled, and went back to Mr. Peppers class room. I Opened up the files again and filled in the rest of the pages. I handed it over to Mr. Pepper at dinner, and then sat down with my group.

“There you are!” Clara said. “I was looking for you.”

“Why?”

“I was wondering if you were okay.” Clara said softly. “About you know.”

“I’m fine.” I gave her a smile, and ripped open my package of fruit.

“Good.”

~Peace~

“Hey sister.”

“Cyrus!” I grabbed him in a hug.

“I heard.” He tightened his grip on me. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you want to see?”

“Yes.” We joined hands and I led him to the garden.

It was after lunch when he showed up.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” I nodded. “But I’m doing to Year book so There’s a lot of pictures in there.”

“How you doing?”

“Well I never really had a friend die, and stay that way. So I don’t know how to react. I keep thinking a couple of months they’ll come back because that’s what Owen did. But.” I lifted a shoulder, and tossed up a hand.

“Yeah. I know.” He put an arm around my shoulders.

“I have to get better Cyrus.”

“Well it just doesn’t happen all at once.” He scuffed the grass. “It takes a while.”

“I have to try.”

“Well I’ll support you.”

“Good. I need all the support I can get.”

“Everyone does.”

I said goodbye to Cyrus and then went to my last class. The classes I had with Ava or Daniel or Alen seemed empty. Without a purpose.

“So If you’ll all take one and pass the box down.” Mr. Pepper said, setting a box on the front table. I looked up to see people grabbing yearbooks.

“Why did you take four?” Ryder whispered.

“You’ll see.”

During dinner I told everyone to sign it for them. Then I went outside and set a year book by each stone. I grabbed my lighter and lit the candles. I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit up.

“Rest in peace guys. You deserve it.” I gave each stone a touch and then left to the tree.

I pulled a picture out of my pocket and unfolded it. It was of Ava, Ayelie and I smoking under the tree. I pinned it inside of the hole, and set the lighter back. I sat at the base of the tree and finished my smoke. So this was it. Three