The Self Harmed by Chalen D. (libby ebook reader .txt) 📖

of us were gone. And the rest of us were trying to get better. I tossed my smoke and walked inside.

“It’s time for your weight.” A nurse said.

I sighed and followed her.

“Hop on.” I took off my shoes and got on.

“Same weight.” She wrote something down, and then left.

I pulled on my shoes, and left the room.

“Good job Charlie.” A nurse said.

“Just don’t want to end up a stone in a garden.” I tossed up my hands, and she gave me a strange look like she was afraid of me.

I smiled, and walked down the hall.

“So?” Owen walked over to me.

“Same weight.”

“Good.” He nodded, kissed my head and then left.

I watched, my eyes narrowed, and he left.

“Hey.” I turned around and Ryder grabbed my face. “I love you.” He kissed me.

“I love you too.”

He kissed me again.

“You know.” He took my hand. “I think that they would be proud of you.”

“I hope so.”

“They are.”

“How do you know?”

He gave me a funny look.

“How do you know?”

“Because they told me.”

“They told you?” I asked. “You can see them?”

He nodded, “Ava said to stop feeling so damn guilty already. It’s making her depressed and she’s supposed to be dead.”

I laughed, “That’s Ava for you.”

“She loves you Charlie.”

“I love you too.” I muttered. “Wait did you see Alen?”

He nodded, “Him and Daniel found peace yesterday.”

“Why not Ava?”

“She had to say goodbye to you.” He looked down.

“You okay?” I grabbed his hand.

He nodded, his face wet when he looked at me. “She just found peace.”

I nodded, and brought him in for a hug. She deserved it. They all did.

~Feeling any better, yet?~

I set my fork down and covered my stomach.

“You okay?” Alex asked.

“I’m fine.” I looked down. “My stomach hurts.”

“Maybe because you’re hungry.” Offered Owen. “You barely ate any of your food.”

“I ate too much.” I gave him a small shrug.

“Try to eat a little more.” Clara reached for my fork.

“She said she’s full.” Ryder said lowly but sternly.

Clara dropped the fork and the table went quite.

“You can force her into eating. If her stomach hurts it hurts. The idea is to get rid of an eating disorder. Not get another one by binge eating.” He said a little louder, but still as strong. “At least she’s eating.”

“It is a start.” Alex smiled at me.

I looked back at my plate. I had barley eaten anything, this is true, but I did eat and my stomach hurt. My ribs also hurt from the malnourishment, but this was a part I didn’t speak. My arm slowly moved to my ribs right under my boobs.

“That will go away.” Clara muttered to me. “After a while.”

Since everyone at the table was gaining weight we didn’t have to sit with a watcher anymore. Which was a relief on my part because I was starting to get really annoyed with her. Not only was she making Ryder stuff herself, but she was making everyone else stuff themselves, eating disorder or not.

“You okay?” I asked Ayelie.

She nodded chewing her bite slowly pushing her food around on her plate.

“Don’t stuff yourself.” Clara told her.

“I’m not.” She muttered.

“But-“

I tapped Clara with a hand and shook my head when she looked at me. She sighed and took a bite of her carrot stick.

~The color Gold~

“So.” Alex said, putting an arm around Ayelie.

It was dinner. We all looked down from a loss of words. We never said it but their deaths had affected us way more than we wanted them too. Everyone in the place was already hurting from themselves and now death had graced us and was playing a big factor. I did have to admit that I was proud of my little family here. Normally death and sadness would make you down fall, but they all were fighting harder than ever to get better.

“Fresh off the press.” Mr. Pepper handed me a year book.

I opened the page and Clara and Ryder leaned in.

“You want one?” Mr. Pepper asked, holding out a book to Ayelie.

He took three gold ones out of the box he held, “I made these ones for Ava, Alen, and Daniel. I thought you guys could take them around school so people could sign them. I know you already did this CHarlie, but that was for you guys. I want these ones for the school.”

I took them, “Thank you.”

Mr. Pepper gave a year book to Alex, Owen, Ryder, and Clara and then left.

“I’ll take around Ava’s.” Ayelie held out a small hand.

I handed it over and Ryder took one.

“For Alen.”

I looked at the last one I clutched in my hand.

“Charlie?” I looked up and Alex held out his hand.

“For Daniel.” I handed it over slowly.

“Do you want to do it?” He asked, both of us holding the gold book.

I shook my head and let go.

The three of them left the table and went around the dining hall.

“You okay?” Owen grabbed my hand.

“Yeah.” I lied.

“Don’t lie to us.” Clara grabbed my other hand.

“I’m sorry.” I just looked down.

“You’ll be okay.” Owen sounded distant.

“We all will.” Clara added, with the same distance.

“I hope you’re right.” I muttered my own voice ringing in my ears.

I glanced up to see Clara and Owen staring at each other. Like they could talk mind to mind. Clara nodded, grabbed her bag and left the table.

“Where is she going?”

“She’ll be fine.” Owen let go of my hand.

“Don’t.” I lunged for his hand that was sliding across the table to his lap. I grabbed it. “Stop.”

He grabbed onto my hand and I watched as He ate and as the other three brought the book table to table. They headed back over and I dropped Owen’s hand to stand up. Ryder, Alex and Ayelie stood in front of me.

“What now?” Ayelie asked.

“We write in them.” I took the book from Ayelie and sat down taking out a pen.

Ryder and Alex sat down too taking out markers. We passed the books around and then I stacked them in a pile.

“Where you going?” Ryder caught my wrist.

“To find Clara.” I finished getting up as he slowly let me free. “She needs to sign this.”

I hurried down the wing of the eating disorders. Clara’s door was cracked open. I slowly pushed it open. Clara was dumping a drawer on the floor. She tossed it over her shoulder with a lot of force for a girl with an eating disorder, and fell to her knees, in front of the pile of stuff. I jumped out of the way of the drawer and it smacked the door closed. She spun to look at the door, and then fell on her ass when she saw me.

“Ow!” She yelled tossing the thing she sat on. “What are you doing!”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m looking for something.”

“What?”

“You still have them?” She nodded.

“You haven’t signed them yet.”

She held out a hand and I handed them over. She grabbed a pen from her pile and opened a book. I layed back on my old bed and looked at the roof. Right away I found the little heart that would always give me hope when I was in this room. I would stare at it until I fell asleep.

“Okay.” She held out all three books.

I jumped up and took them from her, “I can help you-“

“I got it.” She smiled up at me.

“Okay.” I walked the way I came hearing another drawer be emptied.

I walked over to the stones, and set the right year book at the right stone. I kissed my hand, and then touched each stone. I popped up, with too much energy for a girl with an eating disorder, and left the garden.

~Thanks Giving Dinner~

Mom knocked on my door. I had been home for two days. We got a week off for thanks giving. I turned to face her, and held out the ends of the dress she had bought me for this night.

“How do I look?” I questioned.

When My parents where together they had planned this big ass meal in a hall inviting both of their families. They have been doing it since I was thirteen. Both of them didn’t want to tell their part of the family that the party was off, so they both bit the bullet and the party is still on.

“You look good and wear the heels that I bought you too.”

“Do I have to?” I asked as the doorbell went off.

“Yes.” She said, “Don’t you want to show your Father you’re still a composed Lady? That it’s what I taught you?”

“Yes.”

“Okay then.”And then she left to get the door.

My Mom’s friend from high school had just recently moved back to town. He was recently divorced and he had a son a year older than me who loved to soak me with buckets of water on the fourth of July. Mom had invited him to the party so She’s taking him as her Date, considering Dad wil have that Blonde bimbo girl. I’ll be prancing around the dance floor with his son, Caden.

“Jackson!” Mom said, as a deep voice said her name. There was a slight silence then, “You’ve gotten so big Caden!”

I pulled on my other heel and two shiny black shoes came into view. I stood up, but my eyes kept traveling up.

“Careful there Char,” He chuckled. “You’ll break your neck.”

There he was. He wore pressed black slacks and a soft blue turtle neck witch brought out his blue eyes and made his blonde hair even lighter. He had definitely let it grow out.

“Caden?” I questioned, a little shocked.

He just laughed, “Yep. You got a little shrimpy.” He poked me in the shoulder.

“I have an eating disorder.” I told him, covering my shoulder because he poked me too hard.

It wasn’t his fault. The littlest touch now hurt me. When Mom gave me a hug when she came to