The Self Harmed by Chalen D. (libby ebook reader .txt) 📖

sent Jackson down and he got pissed when He saw us all lying around. He demadned we got put on the right pills." Ayelie added.

"What day is it?" I rubbed my head, and sat down on my bed.

"May Twenty-nine-th." Ayelie reclaimed her place on the wall.

"That long?" I looked at them.
They both nodded.

There was a knock on the door, and we all looked. The door was pushed open. Caden marched into the room, freshly showered, and there wasn't a stain on the front of his shirt, like the last time I saw him. Which was who knows how long ago. He pulled me in for a hug.
    "You okay?"

"Yeah."
He pulled back and looked at me.

"You guys good?" He looked at Ayelie and Clara.

"Yeah." Clara rubbed her neck.

"Peachy," Ayelie snorted.

I reached over and pulled on a jacket. Caden watched me but didn't say anything. It was probably hot as hell. Ayelie was in a pair of shorts and a tank top. Clara was dressed in sweats and a sweater. Yup, hot as hell.

"Were's everyone else?" I asked.

"Alex is in the food hall with Owen." Caden shoved his hands into his pocket. "It's dinner time."

"Where's Ryder?" Clara looked at him.

"Don't tell me he's dead," Ayelie held up a hand. "Don't you dare. I'll beat your ass all the way to the white room."
    "He's fine." He quickly said, when He saw my face. "He's with the Doctor right now. He was the last to wake up, so they're changing his meds right now. I was told to come get you guys."

Aeylie, Clara and I joined hands and we headed to the food hall. We grabbed a tray and then headed to the table ALex and Owen had calimed.

"Charlie!" Alex grinned, pulling out a chair. "Hey!"

"Hey,' I smiled.
I set down my tray and slowly sat down. I turned to him and we hugged. I high fived Owen. Ryder came into the food hall. He pulled down his sleeves and got into line.

"I'll be back." I touched Clara's arm, who had sat next to me.

As I got closer I saw dark circles under Ryder's eyes. When He spotted me he smiled, and stood taller. I hurried to him, and we hugged. He smoothed a hand over my head.
     "You're okay." He whispered. "Everything's fine."

"Are you okay?" I pulled back and he grabbed a tray.

"Best as I can be."

 

 

 

~Can I go home?~

 I was sitting in one of the Doctor's offices. I was on a leather couch with Caden. I had my legs over the arm rest, my back on Caden's side. He had an arm around my collar bones, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose, probably praying. Dr. Lancer was sititng at Her Desk with Mom and Jackson, going over our file. If we're deemed healthy enough, if we made enough progress, we could go home for three months of summer. If not, we'd stay for a month of summer school, and then go home for two months.

"Well Caden can go home no stringe attached." Dr. Lancer said.

Caden sighed, adn opened his eyes.

"And my daughter?" Jackson demanded.
   "Well I recomend you leave her here for summer school." Dr. Lancer handed over a folder to Mom.

Of couse you do bitch.

"But I can take her home?"

"Of course. She's made enough progress." Dr. Lancer set a paper on the desk. "This is her meal schedule. She has to eat according to this chart. You have to be stern. And here's how many times a week she needs to be wieghed. And her wieght goals are here in the couner. If she gets below nintey-four, you need to bring her back."

Caden patted my arm in sucess. But I felt empty.

"So this is everything?" Mom asked.

"Yes," Dr. Lancer stood and we did too. "Have a nice day."
Mom, Jackson, and Dr. Lancer shook hands.
   "Bye Caden and Charlie. See you next year."

That's what you think bitch.

~Get ready, get set, go!~

We had bearly gotten into the foyer of the house, when Jackson truned to us wipping out two credit cards. Mom held up a ring of keys.
    "Get ready, get set go!" Jackson announced.

I grabbed my card, puched Cadne, grabbed the keys and ran for the door. Caden grabbed my arm, yanked me back, adn ran down the front lawn. We headed to the mall, and went different ways. I grabbed what I needed for my brothers room and then Caden and I met back up in the food court. Caden glared at me until I slowly began to eat my salad. Once at home we began our work. COltan's room was bare. White walls, carpet. I layed out a sheet and got to work on the walls.

"So," Jackson grinend at Cadne and I, "How's it going?"

"I already have ahlf of Chloe's things set up." Caden grinned, then looked at me.
     "I'm doing good."

"Can we get a sneak peek?" MOm asked eating a peice of chicken.
    "No way." Caden shook his head.
    "Nope." I agreed. "You'll jsut want us to change everythign."
     "No I won't!" She gasped.
    "Honey," Jackson raised his eye brows.
    "Fine." She sighed. "I'll wait."

I looked down at my plate. I had already eaten all of my carrots. When the hell did that happen? I looked over at Caden's plate, but he didn't have carrots. He didn't even like carrots, so I guess I did eat them. I looked at Mom and she nodded at me with a smile. Yup, my fat ass ate them all. After diner I took a quick shower, and sat down at my lap top. I opened it, and Caden walked in.

"You started yet?" He dryed his hair with a Towle.

"Just in time." I told him.

He sat down next to me. Five squares popped onto my screen.
     "Hey!" Clara squeled and leaned into her lap top.

Ayelie covered her ears, and then grinned.

"What's up guys?' Alex grinned.

"Can we take a minute to talk about how hot it is here?" Owen demanded.

Ryder, Clara and I stayed quiet, and Ayelie, Alex, and Caden agreed with him. We neer thought it was hot. I was starting to miss the feeling of being warm. Even when I took hot showers I still dind't feel warm. I always felt cold.

"So," Ryder changed the subject, "Who's in the lead with the baby room?"

"Me." Caden qucikly said.
     "As if," I shoved his arm. "I bet Chloe's paint is different shades."
    "Is not!" His mouth popped open.

"Sibling rivalry!" Ayelie sighed, "I love it."

Caden laughed, and I flipped her off.

 

 

~Big girls eat~

 Caden and sat at the table. I had my knees pulled up to my chest,a dn I was picking at my grabe bowl. Caden stabed four peices of waffle and shoved it into his mouth.

"Good morning family." Jackson said coming into the kitchen.

He kissed MOm, who was at the stove, and then high fived us as he passed us.

"Is that all your eating?" Jackson asked me.

Even though he was just asking a simple question, I thought he was judging me. I bit my tounge from snapping at him, until I tasted blood. He was Jackson. He wasn't trying to belittle me. He didn't know how that question could effect a person with an eating disorder. He didn't know that when I was asked this that I thought of the needel on the scale slowly climbing up to three hundred pounds. He didn't know I thought about every time I binged, every type of cookie I had ever stuffed into my mouth.
    "Mom's making her pumpkin spice pancake." Caden spoke up as I didn't answer.
    "Oh," Jackson looked at the paper. "Good."

Caden looked at me.

'You okay?' He mouthed.

I slightly lifted my left shoulder.

"Here honey." Mom set down a plate in front of me and sat down.

I let my legs fall to the floor, and scooted closer to the table. I looked at my pancakes.

"Are they too hot?" Mom was sudden;y worried, "Do I need to put them in the fridge?"

"No," I shook my head looking at the plate.

"Then what's wrong?" SHe asked, poking a pancake to see if it was too hot.

"Why did you give me two?" I looked at her.

"What do you mean?" She looked confused. "The batter made two."

"Mom." I flatly said.
     She looked at me, "What?"

"Why did you give me two?"

"Oh, right." She looked at her plate. "I forgot."

"You need to eat both of them for your food schedule." Jackson snapped his paper.

"What if I can't?" I questioned.
     "Baby steps." Mom said, touching my arm.

"Baby steps to her grave." Caden muttered.
     "Caden." Jackson warrned.
     "Sorry." Caden loked down, "No one was supposed to hear that."
     "Well I did." I pushed my chair back. "And It hurt my feelings big brother."

 "Charlie!" Caden called after me. "I'm sorry."

I slammed the door to my room and grabbed my lap top. I saw Clara was on and Clicked on her name.

She was in a fluffy pink robe with hearts, her hair in a braid.

"How much do you wieght?" I shot off.

"Ninety-three." She looked confused. "What happened?

"Are you on a food schedule?"

"Yeah," She muttered, "Stupid piece of shit."

"Caden told me I was going to die."

"Excuse me?" She demanded.

"Well my stupid chart says I have to eat two pancakes. So I said, what if I can't and My Mom said Baby steps."

Clara nodded, taking a sip form a bottle of diet coke, "Yeah."

"And then Caden Said Baby steps to her grave."

"What a dick." She looked hurt. "DId he not spend a year with you in a recovery school? Does he not remember how hard you fought to get to where you are today. What an ass hole. I'll kcik his ass next year, I promise."
I laughed, "I miss you."

"I miss you too Love!" She looked sad.

There was a knock on my door.

"I got to go."
    "I love you!"