Love Is A Form Of Suicide by Jimm Tumbly (book club reads .TXT) 📖

lights up and my heart begins to beat fast. Her hand brushes mine and I feel as if my heart will explode. Her very existence is anything and everything I could ever need.

“So, today I thought we would start off by telling each other how we feel. I want you to tell everyone in the group the advances you have made by coming here.” Mr. Corps says. He looks around the room and his eyes rest on me. “Brent, why don't you go first.”

I know why he picked me, its not hard to tell. I have been the hardest one to deal with in this hell hole. I've never spoken up at group until Victory got here.

“Okay. Well, by coming here I have found happiness.” I glance at Victory. “I have found love. I've learned to deal with the cards I have been dealt, and to keep on living.” Mr. Corps stares at me for a moment, unable to comprehend my smile.

“Very good Brent.” He smiles. I look at Victory as he chooses his next victim.

“I really make you that happy?” She whispers. Her voice sounds delicious and sweet. Its high pitch tone and beautiful melody will forever ring in my head.

“Of course.” I reply. “Doesn't love do that to you?” A brilliant smile lights up her face and I want nothing more than to wrap her in my arms.

“Victory.” Mr. Corps says. “Why don't you go now?”

Victory shifts in her seat. “Okay. Well, um, since coming here I have learned a lot. I have learned that there are a lot of people like me, that, you know, tried to kill their selves. But I have also learned that all of these people here are totally and completely different from me. They all have their own problems, their own fears. But one thing that links us together is the desperation for love. We all want someone to love us and care for us. At least we want someone to notice us.”

“Very good Victory.” He says with a smile. “Very, very good.” I take Victory's hand and squeeze it.

“Your amazing.” I lean over and whisper to her. She blushes.

“Yeah well, amazing is hard to keep up with.” She replies. I chuckle and sit back in my seat, listening to everyone else so called “findings”. People mention the same things, often repeating what the person before them said. But no one came close to a perfect answer like Victory's.

Today is Wednesday which means that Victory and I will be able to leave this place for two hours. Jack and Mrs. May are taking us to the movies to see some romantic movie called “The Last Song”. Its supposed to teach us to value what we have. I'll probably fall asleep, but I'm glad I'm finally able to take Victory on a date, even if it is with staff and other prisoners.

“Very good today, guys.” Mr. Corpse says, bringing me back to reality. “You all have some interesting things that you have “found” by coming here. I want each and everyone of you to think about what was said here today. That's all. See you tomorrow!” Victory and I stand up, more than ready to leave. Jack and Mrs. May walk into the room and grab the few prisoners that are allowed to go to the movies. Victory, Tyler and I walk out into the hall. There are two more kids that I don't really know standing next to Jack.

“Now, before we go I want to address some rules that we have.” Mrs. May says. We all listen intently, wanting nothing more than to escape the walls of hell and experience the world we once knew. “You all have to have a buddy. No one is allowed to go to the bathroom or anywhere without a buddy or Jack or me. Secondly, you must stick with the group when we enter and exit the theater and van. No wondering off. Lastly, no one will be allowed to bring back anything to the hospital. Do I make myself clear?” We all nod. “Good, now lets go.”

They lead us down the hall and out of the building. As soon as my feet hit the cement sidewalk relief overcomes me. Finally, after 6 months in this hell of a place, I am able to step foot into the outside world. The sun beats on my face, warming my body instantly. I hear the sound of a bird chirping in the distance, calling out for its mate. Close by, a car speeds down the asphalt road. The sounds of nature ring into my ears until a more beautiful sound invades them.

“Wow, it feels great to finally be outside.” Victory whispers beside me. I squeeze her hand.

“I know.” I reply.

Jack leads us to the van and we all pile in. Tyler and another kid sit in the front row while Victory and I sit in the middle row. Some guy I don't know occupies the last row. Jack climbs into the drivers seat with Mrs. May sitting in the passenger seat. He pulls out of the parking lot and I watch my hell disappear.

Secrets Under A Sweatshirt

People say that when you start to hear voices your crazy. I don't think that's entirely true. Maybe the voices they hear are their conscience getting mixed in with voices of their peers. Maybe it's just voices they make up. Maybe society is wrong, and they aren't. But I do know that when you start to hear those voices, you will do anything and everything to make them stop shouting.


“Come on people, we don't have all day. Let's go.” Mrs. May says, directing us out of the van. Victory and I step out and grab hands. We wait for the others to pile out of the van.


“Okay, is everybody ready?” Jack asks. We all nod. “Okay then, let's get going.” He leads us into the theater and we stop at the ticket counter. He buys a ticket for each one of us, including himself and Mrs. May. Once our tickets are bought we head into the theater.


“Stay in this row.” Mrs. May says as we take our seats in the very back row. I grab Victory's hand and smile at her.


“Finally I get to take you on a date.” I say. She returns the smile.


“Yeah. I'm glad we were able to get out of that place.” She replies. I stare at her for a moment, taking in her beauty. The previews begin, signaling the movie is about to start. The lights go off and the screen lights up. That's when the voices start. That's when I begin to go crazy.


At first they are soft, barely a whisper. I blow it off as if it is just someone talking in a row below me. But then they begin to get louder until they are screaming at me. They are shouting, pleading for me to bleed. I close my eyes and mentally shake myself, trying to lodge them out of my head. That only makes them worse. My hands shake as I grip the arm rests beside me. Beads of sweat form on my forehead.


“Brent, are you okay?” Victory whispers beside me. I look at her and loosen my grip.


“Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to go to the bathroom, that's all.” I stand up and nudge Tyler beside me. “Come on, “buddy”, I need to take a piss.” He gives me a dirty look but stands up and we head out of the theater into the bathroom.


“Hurry up, the show is about to start.” He complains.


“Like you really wanna watch that chick flick?” I reply, unbuttoning my pants and pulling them down to pee.


“No, but its better than being in here the whole time.” I role my eyes.


“Then go back.” I say, pulling my pants up and buttoning them.


“But the rules-”


“I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself.” He shrugs and heads out of the bathroom. Once hes gone I head over to the sink and wash my hands. Then I splash water on my face as the voices begin again.


“What the hell is wrong with me?” I ask myself the same question I did when I first fell for Victory.


Just a little blood. It wont hurt you, promise. The voice rings in my head. I scream.


“Ugh! Stop it!” I hold my head and lean my back against the wall, sliding down to the floor. I rock back and forth, wanting nothing more than for the voices to go away.


Just one little cut. It will feel so good. The voice says. I open my eyes and begin to think. Cut. It wants me to cut myself. I had heard about people at my school doing it, but never actually thought about it. I heard that it helps. That is actually feels good. Maybe I should try it.


“What am I saying!” I shout. “I cant do something stupid like that!”


Yes you can. The voice responds as if we are having a conversation.


“Why do you want me to?” I shout back.


Because it will help you forget the things your father did to you. I stop and stare blankly. It will help me forget what my father did to me. I had tried my whole life to forget the horrifying images that were lodge in my brain, never moving. At night they would replay over and over again, with the occasional exception of Victory appearing.


Without thinking, I stand up and head over to the paper towel dispenser. With effort, I pull out the blade that tears the paper towels. I bend it until it brakes in half, throwing one half of it away. I look at myself in the mirror, blade in hand. I stop, resting the blade on my wrist.


“What am I doing?” I say to my reflection. Without giving the voices time to respond, the answer comes to me. I am forgetting. Slowly, I slide the blade along my forearm, leaving a thin line of blood behind. It only hurts for a second. The cut is two inches long and not deep at all. Once I'm done I close my eyes, letting the blood drip down the side of my forearm. Not only the blood is oozing from me, but so is the pain. Instantly, the voices are gone and so is the pain. I open my eyes and look down at my arm. Blood slithers down the sides of my forearm, showing the pain that was harboring inside me. I turn on the sink and clean off the blade and my arm. I wrap the blade up in paper towels securely and stuff it down my pants.

Just as I'm about to leave I hear footsteps entering the bathroom. “Brent?” Jack's voice calls. I quickly pull down the sleeve of my sweatshirt as he reaches me. “What are you doing without a buddy?” He asks.


“Tyler was with me, but he was complaining so I told him to leave.” I reply.


“I better not catch you in here alone again. Come on, the movie just started.” I nod and follow him out of the bathroom. We