Love Is A Form Of Suicide by Jimm Tumbly (book club reads .TXT) 📖

Nobdoy Gets Used To Hell

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to die? Have you ever wanted to just shoot the gun once, pull the trigger, curious about the pain? I have, but thats not the only reason I shot the gun. Many factors played a roll in my attempt at suicide.

My name is Brent Skyes. My parents are rich, and Im popular. People ask theirselves, why would the captain of the football team kill his self? My answer to that is we are more troubled than people persieve. About a month ago I shot my self in the chest in my room. Why not in the head you ask? I wanted to suffer, to feel the blood draining from my body. My parents were at work, and I thought that would be the perfect time. Nobody would be there to save me. But one minor detail changed the whole course of my life. I forgot about our maid, Ms. Murllo.That one mistake is the reason I am still alive today.

"Brent, time for therapy." Jack says, opening my door. I rest my gaze upon him. Reluctantly, I stand up and follow him down the hall.

After my suicide attempt a month ago, Ive been placed in Spring Hill Mental Hospital. Ive been here for about three weeks. Jack is a member of the staff here. He takes me to and from therapy, group and lunch. Thats the only time I have out of my room.

He leads me to Mrs. Scarlett's office. She's my smokin' hot psyco therapist. Jack opens the door and I head inisde. He closes it tight behind me.

Nice to see you again, Brent. Sit down please." She plants a fake smile on her face as I sit down. "So, how have you been?"

"As good as anyone can be in a prison." I reply coldly.

"Brent, you will ajust soon. You have only been here for three weeks." I try not to roll my eyes. Does anyone ajust to hell?

"So, I thought we would talk about why you tried to kill yourself." She begins.

"I already told you why." I say.

"Yes, but I believe there is more to it than what you say." I sigh, Mrs. Scarlett is good. There is way more to why I tried to kill myself than just being stressed about football season and school work. My parents play a huge roll in my wanting to be dead.

"Your very smart, you know that?" I say, giving her a sly smile. She smiles back in return and I swear I see her blush.

"Thank you Brent. But back to the issue. I need to know why you tried to kill yourself. The only way for you to get better is to open up to me, let me inside your head."

She doesnt really want to be in my head, nobody does. Its cold and dark in there. Its scary, all the thoughts that pass through. But if that's what she wants, that's what Ill give her.

"You really want inside my head?" She nods. "Okay, well, everyday I think about how I tried to kill myself. Ha, and everyday I yell at myself because I wasnt succesfull. Its like in football, when I throw a pass and the ball gets intercepted, my parents would cuss me out for not doing it right. Well, thats what I do."

"And why do you feel like you need to be yelled at?" I stare her directly in the eyes.

I lower my voice,"Because Im still alive." She shivers a little bit at my tone of voice.

"Okay, well thats all for today, Brent. Jack!" She yells at the door. Jack opens it quietly. I stand up, give her a nod, and then head out the door.

Jack doesnt talk as we walk back to my room. As we pass the cafeteria there is an uprawr. Some patient went nuts. Two security gaurds haul out a girl with brown hair and wild eyes. I take one look at her and know who she is. Its crazy chick, thats what shes called. Last week she tried to strangle herself with her pillow. They put her in a straight jacket for a week. Now she's back to her old, fucked up ways. Jack and I continue down the hall to my room.

He opens the door for my and I slip inside. He shuts and locks it. I go over to my bed and sit down. One thing about this place that I actually like is we get to wear our own clothes. No white outfits classifying us as psyco. Im wearing grey sweat pants and a black shirt.

I look out the barred window at a blue sky. This is a prison to me. It will never be home to any of us. Im waiting for the day that I can be set free. But does anyone ever forget hell? I wont, because I live in it.

Psycho

Ive learned some things from being in a mental hospital; killing yourself doesnt make you crazy, living does. Living my days out here in Spring Hill Mental Hospital have made me crazy. Looking at the same walls, staying in the same small room for hours upon hours makes me want to rip my hair out. Not to mention the psychos who also live here.

I sit here in my chair at group, staring at the familiar faces Ive been seeing for the past three weeks. But as I glance around the circle, I notice a fresh face. Its a girl. Her hair is dark black and her skin is tan. She keeps her head down, so I cant see her face. Im staring at her when a voice calls my name.

"Brent," Mr. Corps says. Ironic, I know. "Why dont you welcome our newest group member, Victory Johnson." Victory, so thats her name.

"Welcome to hell, Victory." I say with a smirk. She lifts her head and looks at me. Right then, thats when my heart stops beating like I entended it to when I shot the gun. I cant breathe. Her eyes are a moss green and her lips are plump and pink. She has high cheek bones and an all together perfect face. But its when she speaks, her words that kill me.

"Ha, I guess this is what I get for wanting to die." Her voice is sweat like honey, her words cutting me with a knife. If feels like Ive been stabbed in the heart. Ive never felt like this before. What is wrong with me? She offers up a sly smile, and I melt.

"Okay, thats enough." Mr. Corps jumps in. "Victory, why dont you tell the group why you are here."

She looks around the group and then her eyes rest on me. When she begins to talk, its as if we are the only ones in the room. Its like shes telling her whole life story just to me.

"Well, I tried to kill myself." So we have something in common. "I downed a bottle of my moms oxycotton. I was too scared to stab myself or shoot myself. I wanted just to pass out and die that way. My mom came home early for work. It was my birthday and she wanted to spend the day with me. I wish I could have seen the look on her face when she found me on the floor of the bathroom." She broke her eyes from me and looked at Mr. Corps.

"Okay, good. Your opening up to us, thats a start." Mr. Corps says, writing something on his clip board.

I continue to stair. at Victory while the rest of the group goes over their stories for her. Finally, its my turn to speak.

"Brent, why dont you tell Victory what brought you here."

I shift in my chair at the sound of her name. For some reason, I have butterflies in my stomach. But I dont let her know that.

"Why not? So I shot myself in the chest. I was in my room and my parents were at work. I thought I was for sure going to die, but then our maid found me. Guess I didnt think it through enough." I shrug my shoulders and smile, trying to seem like a tough guy. She doesnt reply, but keeps staring at me.

"Well thats all for today. Jack and May will escort you back to your rooms." Mr. Corps stands and exits the room. Now is my chance. As we line up, I walk over to Victory and stand next to her.

"Im Brent Skyes." I offer her my name, hoping she'll talk to me.

"Victory Johnson, but you already know that." She smiles and I see a twinkle in her eye. I smile back at her, staring like an idiot. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Come on you two." Jack says from the door. I brake my gaze from Victory to see that we are the only ones left in the room. We begin to walk out the door and down the hall.

"So you shot yourself. You must have a pretty bad scar." Victory says.

"Yeah, its awesome." I smirk and lift up my shirt, exposing my toned abs and long scar above my right peck. She does something I dont expect. Carefully, she runs her hands a long my chest, tracing the scar with one finger. I shiver under her touch, my body begging for more.

We reach the end of the hall where the boys and girls rooms are split.

"Well, see you later psycho." She leaves me with a smile and then heads in the opposite direction. I stare after her like a puppy dog staring after its owner.

"Come on lover boy, lets go." Jack says, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards my room.

"Lover boy, come on. Im so not in love with her." I reply, following behind him.

"Have you seen the way you look at her?"

"Dude, shes hot. I want a piece of it, thats it. There is no way Im in love with her."

"Suit yourself." He says, unlocking my door and allowing me inside. I walk in and sit on my bed as he shuts and locks the door behind me.

I lay back on my bed, crossing my arms behind my head. I stare at the ceiling and think. There is no way at all that I could love Victory, I just met her. Of course Id love to bang her, but thats it. I mean, how could I fall in love with a freak who tried to kill theirself? I dont even love myself.

Victory

What the hell is wrong with me? Yesterday in group, Victory had made my heart stop beating. Unfourtunatly, I was still alive though. But after seeing her perfect and beautiful face, I cant stop thinking about her. She's the reason I wake up in the morning. There is no way that Im in love with her. Im a ladies man, the perfect stud. I hit on girls not fall for them!

Jack opens the door and notices me pacing the floor, talking to myself.

"what's wrong, Lover Boy?" He asks. I stop and give him a look.

"I dont love her!" I