The Self Harmed by Chalen D. (libby ebook reader .txt) 📖

you get worse.” Mom said. “I’m going to take you out of here.”
    “Do you really think that’s the best thing for her right now?” Dad asked.
     “Like ruining our family is?” She demanded.

“Wait you know?” I asked.
     “What?” She looked at me.
     “You didn’t tell her I knew.” I looked at Dad.

“No.” He looked down.

Mom got up and left the school.
    “I’ll talk to her.” Dad took my hand. “But you need to know we’re getting a divorce.”
    “You can’t fix it?”
     “Not this time sweet heart.” He touched my face. “Not this time.”
He left the school, and I just sat in the office chair. A divorce. Damn.

“You need a pass to class Hun?” The woman who was on duty at the front desk asked.

“Uh yeah.”

I took the pass, crossed my arms and headed to class. I sat down, and could feel Owen’s eyes on me. I could feel Ryder’s eyes on me on my other side. One Boy I loved. One boy who I was in love with. But did I really know what love was?
    “Mr. Pepper?” I raised my hand, and he looked over.
    “Can I use the bathroom?”

“Sure. Don’t take the pass class is almost over.”
    “Thanks.”
I grabbed my bag and left the room. I walked over to mine and Ayelie’s tree. I reached into the hole and grabbed the box of cigarettes. I pulled one out lit it and sat down. The door opened and closed and Ryder came into view. He bent down in front of me as I inhaled smoke. I held out the smoke, and he took it from me.

He sat down and took a hit. The door opened and closed and then Owen sat down next to me. He stuck a smoke in his mouth and patted his jacket. I held up my lighter and he took it. He lit the cigarette, took a hit and gave it to me. I inhaled as he lit another one.
    “My parents are getting a divorce.”

That was the only thing that was said while we finished smoking. We headed to the dining hall, ate with Ana and then headed to the last class of the day.
    “You okay?” Alex grabbed my arm as I passed him in the hall.

I nodded.
    “Here.” He handed over a bottle of cologne. “You smell like cigarettes again. How many did you smoke today?”

 “Four.” I sprayed myself down.
    “You shouldn’t smoke.”
    “It’s the least of my worries.” I handed over the bottle.
He grinned, raised the bottle in salute, and then headed down the hall to class. I went outside to the garden. Ryder was sitting under the tree with a cigarette in his hand. I sat down next to him and he handed it over.
     “My Mom’s trying to take me out.” I handed it over.
He took a long hit.
    “My Dad told her not to though.”

He nodded.
    “Are you okay?”
    “I’m alive.”

He handed me the smoke.

“You okay?”
     “I’m just tired.” I took a hit.
     “Of what?”
      “Life.”
     “Don’t give up yet.” He took the smoke back, and took a hit.

~On Leave~

The next Day I packed my suitcase. Mom signed me out of school for a couple of days so I could pack my room. They were moving out of the house I grew up in. I had already said goodbye to everyone. A knock sounded on my door, and Ryder pushed it open.

“Here.” He handed me a long box.

“What is it?”

“Just open it.”
I did. On a thin sliver chain was the word hope. The hope was covered in diamonds.
    “Can you put it on?” I handed it to him and pulled up my hair.

He clipped it into place.

“Thank you.” I hugged him. "Why’d you buy it?”

“Because I love you.”

He grabbed my hand, my suitcase and we left the room.
     “I’ll be back.”
     “I know.”

Mom was waiting in the office. A male nurse followed us out so Ryder could carry my bag. He set it in the trunk and shut the lid.
    “I know if I don’t do this now I’ll lose my window.”
     “Do what?”
He grabbed my face and kissed me, “I love you.”

He hurried into the school, the male nurse shut the door with a thud.

“Charlie, come on.” Mom called.

It was a quite drive to the house. I told Mom I was sorry and she said it’s fine. And that was it for talking. There was the distant sound of pots and pans banging as I jogged up stairs. I was starting to notice my room had a certain smell. I couldn’t name it but it did have one. I walked over to my desk, and gave a half smile as I picked up a head band.

I shoved it into my hair and walked to my bed which was filled with boxes. I plugged my I pod into the speaker on my night stand and began to build the boxes. The front door opened and closed.

“What are you doing here?” Mom demanded.

“I came to pick up the rest of my boxes. Would you relax?”

“No, I Will not relax!”

“Is Charlie home yet?”

“You stay the hell away from my daughter!”

I turned up the volume and brought a box to my book shelf. There were so many boxes. My room was the way I left it. It was like a room who’s owner had to stop everything. There was dust on the window ledge, dresser, desk, and book shelf. Not a lot to be dirty, but enough for me to notice. I blew on the shelf and a dust cloud whooshed into the air.

I waved it away, and grabbed a stack of books. I dropped the books carefully in the box and then finished the rest of the box.

“Leave her alone!”

There was a knock on the door. I looked over as the door was pushed open.

“Hey.” He nodded at me as he stood in front of the door.

I nodded back. He was jostled forward as the door was pushed open, and then he quickly stood against the door again slamming it closed.

“How are you?”

“Fine.” I looked over at him. “Is there a reason that your standing in front of the door blocking my Mother?”

“Oh.” He moved away from the door.

The door flew open and banged against the wall. I blinked at Mom.

“Sorry.” She calmly stepped into the room. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” I looked at the door that was slowly swinging away from the wall.

There was a little hole in the wall from the lock and a couple of cracks. Shit, she meant business.

“I just wanted to let you know that you can come visit me at the new place anytime you want to.”

“She doesn’t have time, Right Charlie?”

“She can make time.” Dad glared at Mom then looked to me, “Right Charlie?”

“Charlie has a lot to do. She won’t have time to visit you and the tramp. Right Charlie?”

“Charlie can talk for herself.” Dad visibly got tense. “Right. Charlie?”

“Don’t take a tone with her!”

“What tone!” Dad boomed.

“That tone!” Mom shot back.

“Um excuse me?” I asked bravely, raising a finger.

“What!” They booth glared at me.

“Um.” I looked down at my books. “I have to pack. The school gave me a dead line.”

Dad left pounding down the stairs, and Mom was right on his heels.

“Don’t pound down the stairs!” She gasped. “Don’t flip me off Fucker!”

 The door slammed.

The door opened and then Mom yelled, “Hey!”

“What!” Dad yelled.

I shook my head and shoved in some more books. I quickly packed the rest of my things. It was a round midnight when I was finished and Mom pushed open my door.

“Hungry?” She asked, holding a bag.

We sat down on my mattress and she handed me a black bowl of salad covered by a plastic dome. I popped off the top, picked out the chicken slices and put on some ranch. Mom handed me a bottled diet coke.

“So how’s school?”

“It’s fine.”

“Charlie.”

I looked up at her, “Do you really want to know?”

“Of course.”

“Well, Ayelie cut herself for the first time in two years.”

“With what?”

“I don’t know.” I lied.

Ayelie was walking through the dinning hall when there was an emergency down the hall. A chef left the door open and Ayelie had grabbed the knife and left to her room. I was the first one she told. She asked for help…but I didn’t know how to help her. So we found Owen, and He held her while she cried.

“Anything else?"

"Clara lost another two pounds. And her body is failing her. She can’t have kids.”

“Oh my god.” Mom covered her mouth.

I nodded, “That’s all she’s ever wanted was a family to call her own.”

“Pour kid.” She looked down.

“And Alex needed a sedative. He flipped out when Ayelie’s story leaked to him.”

“Who’s Alex? Is that your boyfriend?”

“No. He’s a friend.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Ish.”

“Ish?” She began to grin. “What’s his name?”

“Mom.” I looked at her.

“Ryder!” She smacked my arm. “Are you serious?”

“It’s complicated.”

“What’s so complicated?” She asked. “He loves you.”

“Well He had to go to the hospital and get the tube.”

She looked confused.

“The feeding tube.?" And they said he wasn’t going to come back. Then they called you guys because I went into a state of depression, and all that good stuff.”

“Yeah.” She nodded once. “I remember.”

“But Ryder turned out to be okay. Well okay for us Ck’s.”

“Ck’s?”

“Crazy kids?”

“Oh.”

“And anyways, I have no idea if We’re dating or not. He acts like we are but he never said we where together. And it’s really hard you know, because I think I’m in love with him.” I looked up at her, she was smiling at me.

“Well, if you really love him. Fight. Don’t let him go.”

I nodded. “Mom?”

“Yeah?” She looked up from her bowl.

I set my bowl aside, and pulled her into a hug. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s okay.” She rubbed my back. “Don’t cry Baby.”

“I’m sorry.” I shook from the sobs. “I’m sorry for everything Mommy.”

~The new place~

The apartment manager unlocked a door, and pushed it open. He had a round belly, smelled really bad of old person, and he was a pervert. He asked if me and mom were sisters and when we said no he seemed to not be interested in us.

"Well there you go." He said. "So are you single?"    

"Uh," Mom began.

I snatched the keys from him, "Thanks."

He wobbled down the walk way. I looked at mom.   

"Come on." She laughed slinging an arm around my shoulders, as we headed inside.

When I first had woke up that morning, Mom was still sleeping. She