The Self Harmed by Chalen D. (libby ebook reader .txt) 📖

bottle out.
Owen still had his arms crossed, and didn’t take the water bottle from me.
     “I’m fine Owen.” I told him. “I’m still standing.”
I shook the water bottle and he sighed grabbing it.
      “See you.”
I hurried down the hall and hugged Ayelie.
     “What did he want?”
     “He’s worried.”
     “Why?”
     “I don’t know.”

I grabbed her hand and we headed down the hall. I looked back. Owen shook his head, pushed off the wall and headed down the hall away from me.

“So did you…”
    “Yes.” I pulled open the doors to the food hall. “You going to judge?”

“Nope.” She shook her head and went inside. “You coming?”

“I’ll meet you in there.”

I let the door shut, and ran down the hall to the door that led to the garden. I pushed open the door twice before it gave. I jogged over to the bench Clara sat on and grabbed her hand.
    “What’s wrong?”

She looked at me.
    “They brought a doctor in today.” She sniffed, fresh tears sliding down her face. “To see the kids who had the disorder longer.”
I squeezed her hand. Something was wrong with her.

“And?”
    “And I got my results.” She hugged me. “I can’t have kids.”
    “What?” I hugged her tighter.
Clara wanted kids. More than anything.
   “My body can’t carry kids.” She pulled back. “Because I’m sick. Even if I get better it’s too late.”
She layed her upper body on my lap, and I grabbed onto her arm. I looked up to see Ryder leaning against the wall. My mouth fell open, but nothing came out. He pushed off the wall, and sat next to me. He grabbed both my arms tightly like he needed to hold onto me to stay anchored.

“I wanted a family so bad.” She sobbed.
I looked up at Ryder, and a single tear fell down his cheek.

“You’ll be okay Clara.” I folded my body over her. “You’ll be okay.”

And then I was crying for her. I didn’t want her to hurt so bad. The door opened.
    “Ryder. Let’s go.”

I looked up to two male nurses. Ryder pressed a hard kiss to my cheek, and then stood up. Clara sat up and hurried to receive the hug Ryder bent down to give her.

“Where are they taking him?”
    “To the hospital.” She hiccupped. “He needs the tube.”
    “What?” I demanded. “Ryder!”

I got up, but My arms where grabbed in a tight grip.

“He’ll be okay.” Alex muttered low. “I promise.”
Ryder looked back, the two nurses each had a hand on his arms.

I love you, He mouthed before the door shut.

I turned around and glared at Alex.
    “What’s happening?” I demanded. “What are they doing?”
    “Ryder lost too much weight. He doesn’t have enough protein-“

“There going to tube feed him.” Clara cut him off.   

I hurried to her and grabbed onto her arms, like Ryder held me.

“When is he coming back?”
Alex looked pained.
     “Alex?” I took in a jagged breath, and then walked to him. “When is Ryder coming back?”
Alex took in a breath, and then looked me in the eye, “They don’t know if Ryder is coming back this time.”
    “What do you mean?” I took a step away from him, and then looked at Clara and she began to sob.

“They don’t know if He’ll make it this time Charlie.”
    “He will.” I backed away from Alex.

“Charlie-“
     “Your lying!” I yelled at him.

I yanked open the door and ran down the hall.

“Charlie?” Ayelie asked confused as I ran past her. “What happened?” There was silence, as I kept running. “What!” She suddenly screamed.

I slammed my door, and slid to the floor. It wasn’t true. Ryder was going to come back. He had to. He loved me. And I loved him. He had to come back. He would.

He was strong enough, I know he was. It took the school A weekend to realize that I wasn’t going to the food hall. They came into my room on Monday, put me in a wheel chair and wheeled me into the food hall. Ayelie smacked Clara, and they both watched as a nurse rolled me up to a table. She stabbed a carrot and held it to my face.
    “You have to eat something Charlie.”
     “Can I try?”

“Sure.”
The fork was passed off.
    “What the hell are you doing?” Owen demanded. “You’re not talking to anyone, you’re not eating. You’re going to end up in the hospital. Do you want to end up like Ryder?”

Something in me snapped. I grabbed my cup of water and tossed it at Owen. I got up and tumbled a little bit. I was weak, and black dots clouded my vision.

“Charlie?” A nurse grabbed my arm.
    “Get off of me!” I yelled at her.
    “I’m trying to help. You weak.”
    “Don’t fucking touch me!”
    “Charlie please calm down.”
    “No!” I grabbed my tray and chucked it. “Fuck you Owen!”

A male nurse came over, “Come on Charlie, calm down.”
     “Fuck off.”
He grabbed me pinning my arms across my chest.
     “Get off.” I kicked my legs.

Another male nurse came over and grabbed my legs.
    “Just calm down Charlie!”
I felt a prick in my side and then everything slipped away.

~What happened to you?~

When I woke up I was in my room. I sat up and looked around. I gasped, tossed off the covers, and ran to the chair in the corner of my room. Cyrus stood up and grabbed me into a hug.
     “They took him.”

“Who?” He held me at arm’s length and grabbed my chin.
      “Ryder! They took him.”
      “Shit.” He pulled me into a hug. “When?”
       “Friday.” I dug my fingers into his jacket, "They took him before lunch. And Clara can’t have a family.”

“It’s okay, Ryder will be okay.”
     “No one knows that for sure. It’s bad this time. I never even knew. I want to go home Cyrus.”

“I know.” He rubbed my back. “It’s okay.”

Being numb for the past two days really made me break down. I pulled back and wiped my eyes.
     “I dropped more weight and they said that I’m going to need a watcher. And I haven’t gotten any calls from my parents.”

“You just have to stay strong.”
      “I don’t know how.” I sat on my bed. “I thought I did, but I don’t.”

He sat down with me.
I looked at him, and shrugged a shoulder, “I don’t want to live anymore.”
    “That’s Crazy talk woman.”

I screamed and jumped from my bed.

“Ryder!”

I ran into him, and he stumbled back, and Cyrus hurried to grab his arm.
      “What’s wrong Charlie?” Ryder rested his chin on my head.
      “They said you weren’t going to make it.” I then pulled back and looked at him accusingly. “You promised you’d never leave me!”

“And I didn’t.”
    “You almost did!” I objected. “You could of left me. And not just me. You could of left Clara, and Aylie. And Alex! What about your family?”
     “Charlie.”
      “You have a lot of people who care about you.”
      “Charlie.”
     “There’s a lot of people who love you Ryder-“
     “Charlie.” He grabbed my face. “I love you more.”
I opened my mouth but no words came out.
    “It’s okay now.” His face was stern. “I’m okay. We’re okay.”
    “Okay.” I nodded.

“I promise I won’t leave you.”
    “I promise I’ll Always love you.”
     “I’ll love you too.” He pulled me into a hug. “I promise.”

“Ahem.” Cyrus said, after a couple of seconds.
     “Oh right.” We pulled apart.
     "Cyrus this is Ryder. Ryder, this is my big brother.”

They shook hands.
    “Good to see that you’re okay.”

“Thanks.”
    “Anyways.” Cyrus hugged me. “I have to get to work. Bye Ryder.”
They shook hands and then He left.
    “Charlie, I have to sit down.”
I hurried him to my bed, and he layed down. I shut my door and then leaned against it.
    “Why are you staring at me?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”
     “What did they say?”

“They always say I’m going to die to scare me.” He grabbed the blanket. “Now can you come here?”

I stretched out beside him, and he tossed the blanket over me. He kissed my head.
    “I thought I was going to lose you.”
     “You won’t.”
    “But what if you get worse?”
    “I won’t.” He said. “They’re putting me on lock down. I have to eat with a watcher.”

We both fell asleep and then headed to dinner.
    “Ryder!” Clara screamed.
    “What?” Ayelie stood up from her chair and hit the table.
    “Dude!” Alex got up and hurried over.

Owen smiled, and looked at his tray. 'Lucky bastard,' He mouthed.

“You’re okay.” Clara smiled.
     “You're okay.” He touched her arm.

“Whoa.” Ayelie grinned. “What is this I see?” She waved a finger between our hands.

We both looked down at our laced fingers.

“Are you dating?” Clara all but yelled, grabbing my arm.
     “Come on guys." Alex grabbed their arms and pulled them to the table.
I followed Ryder to the food bar.
     “Ryder, I’m Ana. Your watcher.” She shook his hand, and then smiled at me. “Hi.”
     “Hi.” I muttered grabbing Ryder’s upper arm with my free hand.

~Don't give up~

It was Wednesday. Clara had lost two pounds, Owen got his hands on a lighter, Alex needed a sedative, and Ayelie had made her first cut in two years. I was headed to the office right now because I got word my Mom was in the office. But When I walked into the office Mom and Dad sat there arms crossed. When they saw me they both stood up.
     “What’s going on?” Dad demanded.
    “I told you not to come.” Mom hissed at him looking around to see if anyone was looking.

“Sit down Charlie.” Dad said.
I sat down.
    “They called and said they had to give you a sedative.” Mom said.
   “I freaked out.”
    “Why?”
    “I freaked out on Owen.”
     “Why?" Mom asked.
I sighed, “I wasn’t eating, and He was trying to get me to eat. My friend Ryder was taken to the hospital because he had to get a feeding tube. So over the weekend I stayed in my room. On Monday they stuck me in a wheel chair and took me to the dining hall.  Owen asked me if I wanted to end up like Ryder, so I splashed my drink on him, told him to fuck off, and then got up. I saw dots from the sudden lack of food. A nurse tried to grab me to help me stay standing and I flipped out on her, so I was sedated.”

“I don’t like the fact that every time something happens here,