The Self Harmed by Chalen D. (libby ebook reader .txt) 📖

I tossed the box into a dinning hall dumpster.

"What's it to you?"

"I'm worried about you is all." He shurged. "An eating disorder is a big deal."

"And yet you still do it." I shook my head a little. "Just deal with your peoblems and I'll deal with mine."

"See you Mr. Pepper's class!" He called after me.

I shook my head and went to my room. There was another box on the floor with my name on it. It was from my parents. I sighed annoyed and then picked it up. I set it on the bed, and the paced the lenght of my bed.

"Just open it."
I opened the box and gasped. I could of died and went to heaven as I pulled my Ipod out like it was gold. I turned it on, scrowled to the P's and found the song I wanted.

'If I find the ones Who've hurt you I hope god turns away.'

I smiled and shoved it into my pocket. There was a letter from my Mom, and some paper and pens so I could wright her back. I grabbed the note book and a pen and sat on my bed. I turned to a clean page and did something I couldn't do ever since I got here.

*Owen,

A lot has changed since I last wrote to you. Mom and Dad found out I cut so they sent me to this school, where they deal with troubled kids. Stupid right? I've met a girl, yes a girl! Her names Clara, we're not on good trems right now of course but somethings never change right? She has an eating disorder, and everyone is saying I have the starting signs and they all want to help me, but I just want to be left alone. Is that bad?

Remember when you would always ask me if I ever wanted you to beat someone up for me? Now I do, His name is Ryder, and he's just plain annoying. First he wants me to admit to myself I have an eating disorder, then he doesn't want me to imbrace it. So I'm doing a little test. I'm going to throw away all my junk food and just eat the same. If I drop wieght then I will have an eating disorder. But until then I remain unconvinced!

The school is more crazy than I.The teachers are all happy like they're taking the meds themseves. Ha! I'm telling you Owen, the fun we could have in this place together. If only people could talk to ghosts right? Oh well, I guess I'm on my own now. No you, no Clara, or my parents.

I won't give in too soon though. For you. I miss you Owen, and I wish you would get to read this. I still pretend you got shipped off to boarding school. 

-Charlie*

I snapped the book closed as Clara came in. 

"I know your upset at me." I put my note bok in my trunk. "But I can't help you hurt yourslef Charlie, I just can't."

"It's fine." I sat on my bed. "Like I told Ryder, worry about your problems and I'll deal with mine."

"Don't you need a friend?"

"Nope." I shoved in my ear buds grabbed my camera and left the room. 

"Are you locking up?" I asked Mr. Pepper, as I came up on his class.

"I am."

"Dang. Tomorrow then."

"I can trust you with the key." He held it out to me.

"Okay." I took it.

"If any of the other kids in the class want to work here, you can let them in too."

"Thanks Mr. Peper."

"No problem Charlie."

I let myself in and set my backpack down. I developed all my pictures and grabbed the folder I'd need to do my collage. I looked up at a knock on the door to See Ryder. I rolled my eyes and let him in.

"Mr. Pepper said you'd be here."

"If your not going to work you have to leave. You have to work to be in here."

"I just need to talk to you."

"I don't have time. I have to work." I put in my ear bud, and looked up to see him leaving. 

By the time I was done it was time for dinner. I dropped my things off at my room, gave Mr. Pepper the key back and headed to the dinning hall. I grabbed a tray and walked to my table. Clara waved, and then I remembered I was mad at her. I walked by her table and got an empty table by the window. I wasn't hungry so I took my time with sculpting my food to one side of the plate. 

"Done hun?" A nurse asked holding a waiters tray.

"Yes. Thank you." I smiled.

"You made a good dent in your plate."

"Usually do."

"That's a good thing."

She patted my shoulder and left. I put my camera stap around my neck and went to my room. 

"Charlie-"

"Good night, Clara." I turned off my lamp.

~Sleep Tight~

Clara and I walked to the showers in silence. I could tell she wanted to say something but she didn't know how. 

"Are you still mad at me?"

"I needed your help." I set my things down on a bench in front of the shower I was going to use. "And you didn't want to. Friends help each other, and you didn't want to help me."

"Just remember Charlie." She lifted up her shirt to show her sitcking out ribs. "Not every suicide note looks like one." 

She dropped her shirt, grabbed her things and left. A couple seconds later I heard a shower on the other side of the lockers turn on, and then she started humming. I sighed stripped off my clothes and then turned on the shower.

 "Today, "Mr. Pepper said, "We're going to do a project about nature. This Saturday we're going to take a felid trip to the park, Simmer down! Once we're at the park You'll be set free, with your partner and you'll take pictures of what you think your pictures should be of. You're partners will be baced on the same grade range. So Ryder and Charlie will be partners."
Yippy. Everyone looked to the right front half of the room at Ryder's head, then to the back where I sat.

"I'm going to give you the rest of the class to talk with your partners. " Mr. Pepper said, after he paired the rest of the class. "There has to be a total of Tweleve photos. So keep it down, and go see your partners."

Everyone got up and made thier way to their partners. Ryder looked back and I looked out the window. He pulled out the empty chair next to me, and sat down.

"I've been in here for two years, so you'll have to show me where all the good spots are."

"I have a better idea. You take six pictures of flowers and bugs, and I'll do the rest."

"You're still mad."

"Stop talking to me, before I make you depressed."

"We're partners, you have no choice but to talk to me."

"Oh yeah?" I smirked.

I grabbed my things and left the class room.

"Uh Charlie?"

"I have to throw up." I told Mr. Pepper as I passed.

I just turned the corner and I heard the door open and then pounding feet. I plastered myself against the wall, as Ryder ran past me into the first girls bathroom in the hall.

I rolled my eyes and I went to my room. The door was knocked on and then it opened.
     "Hi Charlie." Ms. Sammie said. "Mr. Pepper said that you wheren't feeling well. Is everything alright?"

"Yes. I'm just having trouble with one of the students in my class."

"Do you need to tell someone? Who's the student?"

"It's that Ryder Nicks kid."

"Ah." She nodded. "I'll have Maggie talk to him. That's his nurse. Do you need someone to talk to? I could see if your Doctor is open."

"I'm tired. I think I'll take a nap."

"Alright, if there's anything I can do for you, let me know. Coming to a recovery unit out of the blue can be hard on some people. How are you sleeping at night?"

"Horrible. I barely sleep, and I always wake up with purple bagy eyes."

"Are you taking your sleeping pills?"

"I get sleeping pills?"

"Oh dear."

"What?"

She reached into her apron and gave me a bottel of pills.

"Don't worry," I took the bottel. "I won't tell."

"Good." She smiled. "I could lose my job."

She left the room and I popped the top. What kind of nurse give a bottle of sleeping pills to a crazy kid? I poured some onto my hand. 

"Oh well." I raised my hand. "See you on the flip side, Owen."

I dumped in the pills and took a drink of my water. I took another hand full and tossed the blanket over my head.

 

~Welcome Back~

"What kind of person gives a bottle of sleeping pills to a person in a recovering home?"

"She wasn't in the suicde wing-"
     "It doesn't matter. In order to self harm, you hate yourself. Don't you think She'd kill herself the first time she got! Do you even know how many times a cutter thinks about their death?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Ross, we asure you this will never happen again."

"I could of lost my daughter. I can sue you for this!"

"Mom?" I asked, my voice failing me.

The curtain flew aside and In strode Mom, Dad on her heels.

"Where going to get you out of here." She stroked my head.

"There's a nice recovery unit on the other side of town." Dad nodded.

"No." They looked at each other. "I have a project due. Even thouth I'm mad at Ryder, I can't let him down."

"Ryder." Dad nodded.

"Wait, you met him?" I asked looking past Mom.

"I did."

"We both did. He was worried about you so he went to your room. He knocked on the door and heard someone throwing up. He thought it was your roommate, so he kicked the door down, and saw it was you. He yelled for help, becuase he's seen an over dose before. He picked you up and brought you to the front office where the medics where." Mom smoothed my hair.

"What's that?" I asked.

"What's what?" Dad asked, pulling down his sleeve.

"That." I grabbed his arm, almost knocking mom out of the way to pull up his sleeve. "You cut?"

"I used to."

"That's why we put you here, Charlie." Mom smoothed my hair yet again. "So you wouldn't get as bad as we did."

"But you cut, and you starved, and your better. You know how to take care of me, can't I come home?"

"I thought you said you had a project?" Dad asked.

"I do. But I only brought that up