The Self Harmed by Chalen D. (libby ebook reader .txt) 📖

list and I'll be down stairs."

"Alright then."
I bent down to pick up the papers.

"You said you'd tell me what happened to make you come home?"

"And I will." I smiled up at her. "When we're shoping for bell peppers."

"Okay." She smiled.

I looked back down.

"Charlie, honey." I looked up to see her looking down. "I don't know how touchy of a subject this is for you." 

I shoved the box under my bed and walked to her.
    "What is it?" I asked, taking her hands. "You can ask me anything."

She gripped my hands in her cold ones, "You've lost wieght."

"Oh yeah." I looked down at myself. "It's nothing to worry about. I'm fine, I just cut out all the junk food I was eating. I was eating a lot. How come you never told me I was fat?"

"I would never say that!" She was apaulled. "Even if you where! My momther said that to me, and I developed an eating disorder to please her."

"Well, I'm fine."

"Okay."

I let go of her hands and walked to my bag. She smiled at me and then left my room. I got dressed and made a list. I grabbed the money from my top drawer and went down stairs. I was saving the money for a really good camera case but that would have to wait.

"Ready?" Dad asked.

"Yep." I gave him a high five as I got off the last step. 

Dad went right to the junk foods and cakes, while Mom and I went to the veggi's.

"So?"

"Do you remember Owen?"

"That's why you left?"

"You know?" I asked stopping the cart.

"His Mom called me late last night and told me the news. I was going to tell you but when you called you said you where coming home, and I was so excited that it slipped my mind."

"He didn't lose his memories." I said pushing the cart.

"But the Doctors-"

"Owen lied. Only I know, and My friends."

"We have to tell his Mom so Owen can get the right treatment."

"You go ahead." I picked up a pepper.

"What's wrong?"

"He knew who he was all the time, and he let me think he was dead."

"I know where your coming from." Mom stopped me from moving forward. "But right now you have to put aside your anger to help him."

"He didn't put aside whatever he was feeling to stop by and say hey, I'm still alive by the way."

"Youre being selfish when a friend needs your help."

"He's no friend of mine." I tossed the list into the cart. "I'm done here."

"Charlie, wait!"

I walked over to the work out store. 

"Welcome to Work-it hard!" A gril behind the desk said.

"Yeah, yeah." I muttered.

I looked around for Dad but coulding't find him. I got what I needed and walked to the car. Dad was sitting on the trunk of the car with a blonde haired girl sharing Ice cream. She laughed, and then they kissed.

"I'm going to warn you one time you ugly skank mother fucker. He has a family, okay? A family who just got back together!"

"Charlie-"
    "Is this becuase of me?" I asked, cutting him off. "Becuase I went to a crazy house? I'm not mad!"

"Charlie, things just have been bad between us."

"I don't care! You work it out!"

"Your mother shouldn't know about this." He said as The blonde jumped off the hood and then ran to a red car. "It's just better that way."

"Better for who?" I demanded and walked away.

"Charlie!" He called after me. 

I used my key to get into the house. I went to the home gym, ripped my clothes off and got onto the tread mill. If I told Mom I would be the reason our family fell apart, and If I didn't she wouldn't forgive me. Either way my relationship with one of my parents would be lost. But Dad Cheated. I got out of the shower when My door was knocked on. 

"What?" I asked.
      "Would you like to still cook dinner?"

"No. I'm not hungry."

And then it hit me. I knew how I was going to get them back together. I could weave them back together by hurting myself. It was worth it.

"It's not good to starve yourself Charlie."

"I'm not starving myself." I said, tossing my towle onto my desk chair. "I'm tired of everyone thinking that. Maybe I just don't feel like eating, or I feel sick."

"Charlie, I know your mad at me for what I said about Owen."

"I don't care." I said, glaring at the door. "Go ahead and tell his Mom.  But I won't."

"He needs your help." 

I turned on some music and turned up the volume. I forgot how good my speakers where.

~Joy to the world~

I changed into my work out clothes and grabbed my Ipod.

"Your Mom said you skipped dinner." Dad said, as he walked with me to the home gym.

"You would of known that if you came home. You with blondy?" I asked, getting on the tread mill.

"Did you eat?" He asked. "It's not good to run on an empty stomach."

"I wouldn't try to play Daddy if I where you."

I put in my ear buds, and turned up the speed. He left the gym and I upped the speed some. After my shower I came down for a water bottle.

"I'm making salad for lunch. Lots of fresh berries." Mom said.

I grabbed a water, popped off the top, and drank half of it.

"You want juice for lunch?"

"Not hungry."

"You need to eat something." Dad said, from the table.

How did I not notice him there before? 

"No."
    "Yes." He stood up.

"No." I crossed my arms.

"Then your going back to the school."

I chucked my bottle across the room, "I thought you'd never fucking offer!"

"Let's just think this through." Mom said as Dad walked over to me.

"She needs to eat. That's all there is too it."

"She's not going to eat if you give out negitive energy."

"This isn't one of your yoga classes, this is our daughter!"

"I know that, don't you think I'm trying?" She yelled. "I'm making healthy foods so she can see there's not so many bad calories. You yelling at her is making her go back into her old moods!"

"She needs to eat or she'll die!" He yelled. "So you think it's okay for her to not eat then!"

"I never said it was okay to not eat!"

"Stop it, stop it, stop it!" I screamed making them look at me. "You need to fix yourselfs before you try to fix me!"

"Charlie." Mom said, as I left the room.

I ran upstairs and slammed my door. I plopped on my bed and listened.

"This is your fault!" Mom yelled.
    "Mine!"

"I could of talked her into eating lunch. I was the one who had an eating disorder not you!" She screamed. "When she starts to show issues in the cutting department then you can come in and deal with it how you want. I don't want her to die from not eating, that's why you need to let me fucking deal with this!"

"I'm just saying she needs to eat."

"Of course she fucking does! Soon she'll wither away, and if you keep fucking yelling at her, she'll stop eating and die. Do you want that!"

There was silence and then the front door slammed. Okay, so My plan to starve wasn't working so well, but I did find out one thing. I needs to break my Dad first. I walked over the the bench grabbed my box and sat on my bed. I popped the top and smelt rust. I inhaled, the familiar smell. I yanked up my sleve, and grabbed a blade.

All the confusion, and stress was too soon be on my arm. There was a knock on my door, but this time I didn't jump at my parents almost finding out I cut. This time I was numb. I simpliy set down the blade like it was glass, and grabbed a rag. 

"Yes?"

"Are you alright?" Mom asked.

"I'm alright."

"Can I come in?"

"That's not the best right now. I need to be alone."

"Are you sure that's what you really need right now?"

"Yes Mother." I flipped the rag over and pressed it down.  "It's what I need."

"Well would you like to come down and help with dinner in an hour?"

"I'll let you do your thing."

"Okay." She said. "Your father just doesn't understand."

"I know. He will soon though."

"He will, baby girl."

I grabbed the brown bottle from my box and went to the bathroom, I took off the top, and let the clear lquid pour over my arm. It fizzed white, and then I pressed another rag to it. Once dry I pulled my sleeve down. I put my box away and crawled under the covers. When I woke up I grabbed my alarm clock. I missed dinner, and breakfast and lunch. I walked down to the kitchen and sat down at the table. It was set for dinner. 

"Can you pass the rolls?" I asked.

Mom gave me the rolls.

"What happend to your arm!"

"What's wrong with my arm?" I asked.

"Who's giving out negitive energy now?" Dad asked. "Why'd you do it?" He nodded at my arm.

"Personal reasons." I pulled down my sleeve.

"Personal reasons?" Mom snorted. "You ned to stop that. It's trash."

"Enough." Dad said.

"Just how starving yourself is trashy?" I demanded, and tossed down my napkin. "I'm suddenly not hungry."

I went to my room and grabbed my suitcase. I opened my door and looked at my parents.

"You packed that fast?" Dad asked.
    "I never unpacked." I said, switching hands. "Look, I need to be in a place full of suport. This is not it. Mom yells for my cutting, and Dad yells for my not eating. The only place I have ever felt like I belong, is with my firends. At Hope Academy. I'm going back. I'll ride a bus." I walked between them.
     "I'll drive you." Dad said.
I turned around.

Mom sighed and tossed up her hands. "I guess I'm coming too."

The school was well lit from windows inside.
     "Should we come in?"

"Don't bother." I got out, and ran up the steps.

"Charlie." Dr. Morren smiled, and pulled me in for a hug. "Your back."

"I was just in a place where I wasn't understood. So I asked to come back."

"Well you did the right thing. Your room is still the way you left it. If you hurry you can catch the last ten minuets of group if you'd like."

"Thank you." I hugged her and then walked down the hall. 

I set my bag on the bed and walked down to group.

"Anyone else want to read their poem?" Barbra asked. "Just a simple poem that shows how the Mirror makes you feel."

"Mirror, mirror on my wall I just want to be thin, pretty and tall." Everyone looked at me. "Mirror, mirror if I change my hair maybe someone will start to care? Mirror, mirror if I starve myself, at least I'll be beautiful, forget my health. Mirror, mirror if I cut my wrist will I feel like I exist? Mirror, mirror don't you see? What you show is ruining me."

"Very good, Charlie." Barbra smiled.

I sat down in the only empty seat Between Ryder and Clara. Ayelie sat on the other side of Clara.

"Okay, looks like group is up. See you all next time."

"You came back!" Clara hugged me.

"Yeah, I just didn't have a good suport team back home."

"It's good to have you back."