The Self Harmed by Chalen D. (libby ebook reader .txt) 📖

'cause I don't want to go to another home. My group already knows my story, and I have friends. I only have two, but I have friends now. See look it's Clara!"

I held my arms out and Clara pushed past the male nurses and ran to me giving me a hug.

"Your crazy!" She pulled back.

"I know."

"Insane."

"I know."

"I love you!" She hugged me again.

"I know." I let her hug me. "And my nur-"

"Nows not the time to mention the nurse kid." Dad patted my arm.

Mom took deep breaths.

"We'll make you a deal." Mom said. "We'll take you home, if you want to."

I smiled.
    "But," Dad said as I lost the smile. "You have to make sure you want to come home. You need to talk to Ryder first."

"I can't!"

"You have to Kiddo." Dad said, pulling his hand back. "Until then, you stay."

Mom, Dad and Clara, left the room, and I fell back into my pillows. 

 I was just about to fall asleep when I heard a chair scrape the floor. I opened my eyes and looked over.

"Sorry." Ryder said, slowly sitting down.  

"It's okay."

"Why didn't you talk to me?" He asked. "I've delt with Suicide missions before you know."

"They said you found me?"

"I did, Lying on the floor in your vomit."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes?"

I looked at him. "Why didn't you let me die?"

He swallowed and blinked, then looked down, "Guess I just tought I couldn't lose someone I cared about again." 

I pulled the blanket up more. 

"Charlie." He took my hand, and I let him. " I haven't had a friend in two years. And then this girl comes along, optimistic, with a hint of bitterness. And I wanted to be your friend."

"Why?"

"That's the funny part." He mused with a small smile. "I have no idea."

"My parents said they'd take me home."

He nodded.

"Is that okay?" He looked at me. "If I go home?"

"Sure. Get out while you can."

"So I was thinking that Instead of us working on the project alone we'd do it together."

"Your staying?"

"You touched me when I was covered in puke. We're friends for life now."

"Good. I'd like a friend for life." He then grinned. "We could play dress up."

I laughed, "That would be okay if we where six."

 

 

~Home Sweet Recovery Home~

The Nurse helped me into a wheel chair and Clara pushed me out of the room, and ran me down the hall amost knocking down three nurses, a blood bag cart, and an old man with a cane. 
     "I'm not your roommate anymore by the way."
     "What?" I looked up. "Why? Who is?"

"They moved you to the suicide wing. And everyone over there gets their own room."

"You'll still visit me right?"

"The suicide wing scares me."

"You'll be with me though."

"I'll try okay? If I can get Ryder to walk me down there."

"So Are you friends now?"

"I wouldn't say friends. I'd say Chummy."

"Where is he anyways?"

"He had a meltdown this morning so He had to stay there. They had to sedate him."
    "Well is he okay? Can He have visitors?"

"He's okay, and He'll be out by the time we get there."
     "Okay." Dad said coing over. "All the papers are signed."
     "I'm free?"

"Your free."

He helped me out of the wheel chair and we walked to ther car, where mom had it running. Clara and I got into the back and Dad got into the front. When We got into the Lobby of the school the kids where whispering and looking.
    "Don't let them bother you." Clara muttered.

Ryder moved away from the crowd and pulled me into a hug.

"Stop looking!" He yelled. "You want me to have another melt down?"

With that everyone left.

"You okay?"

"Yes."

Ms. Maggie came into the Lobby, "Hi Charlie, I'm Ms. Maggie, I'm the nurse in the suicide wing. I'll be showing you to your room."

She put her arm around me and led me down the hall. I looked back at Ryder, who was talking to my Parents.

"Now don't worry. We made sure to move all of your things. Your trunk got went through. It had to."

"I understand."

"Then maybe you'll be my easy child."

I smiled.

"Weclome to the suicide wing." A  Seductive female voice said, from behind a cracked bedroom door.

"Where all your nightmares come true."

"That's just Ayelie." Maggie shut the bedroom door. "Don't mind her."

She walked across the hall, and opened the door across from Ayelie's, "This will be your room. You don't get a lock, Checks will be every three hours, and every Sunday you'll have a room check. Your groups are the same, and your One on one with the Doctor will start on mondays. Your Doctor did change along with your wing. You'll still stay in the self harm group, but you'll be with a suicide Therapist."

"Thanks."

"Sure." She nodded and went down the hall.

I went into the room and closed the door. My bedding was on the bed already, along with my things. At least my bedding didn't change. I set the trunk on the floor and took off my shoes. I lifted the padding and there was my blade. They still hadn't found it. Good. I pulled out some paper put in my ear buds and sat on my bed.

*Owen,

I tired it, but it didn't work 'cause I wouldn't be writing this. I Just felt alone. I didn't have anyone, so why be alive you know? Now I feel what you and Lucy felt. I'm not mad at you anymore for killing yourself. I just wish you took me with you. Anyways I made up with Ryder and Clara, but don't worry Owen, Ryder won't take your place.

Not ever, Dude. I found out my Dad used to cut, and my Mom was Anorexic. With every letter I write, it becomes harder to write them. You've been gone for just three months, but I've already wrote nine hunderd letters, and now this one. It's just easier to pretend that your far away, then dead. I don't know, maybe I belong here. I still miss you more than ever,

-Charlie.*

I ripped the letter from the note book and put it in the stack of folded papers I tied together with a ribbon, from my Mom's craft box. I put the stack into my trunk as My door was pounded on. I opened it, and Clara pushed in.
    "Move it." She said, out of breath, "That girl across the hall is crazy."
    "That's just Ayelie. Don't mind her."

"You already made friends?" She plopped down in my desk chair.

"No." I layed down on my bed. "She talked to me."

"Weclome to the suicide wing-"
     "Where all your nightmares come ture." I finished.

There was a knock on the door and then Ryder poked his head in.

"Hey."

"Come in." I waved.

He sat down on my trunk, "You doing okay?"

"Yeah."

"I just wanted to say that I'm three doors down on the left if you need anything."

"Thanks, but you should stay."

"Yeah." Clara said. "We're about to paint our nails."

"I have a camera that needs cleaning." 

He kissed my forehead, "Bye Clara." He waved.

"Bye Ryder." She waved.

We watched him go.

"Well he's sweet."

"Shut up." I tossed a pillow at her.

~Fess up, Love~

"Admit it." 

"Admit what?" I asked, moving my food to one side on my plate.

It was Friday morning and our hair was wet from our showers. Thanks to my suicide attempt, I had a lot of work to catch up on. Good thing I was a bit of a nerd, and loved to learn.

"You like Ryder."

"What?" I asked, looking at her.

"You don't have to lie, we're friends here." She waved a hand back and forth between us.

"They're finally surving strawberry pancakes." Ryder sat down.

Clara and I looked at eachother.

"What's wrong?" He looked up, mouth full of whipped cream and strawberries.

"We didn't see that." I nodded at his plate.

"Oh." He looked down. "It's not like you guys would eat it."

"What does that mean?" Clara asked.

"You're taking bites of your food and then spiting it into your cup, acting like your drinking."

"I am not."

Ryder looked at Clara's cup as she did. Ryder reached for the cup and Clara grabbed it off the table.

"Thought so." He said. "And Charlie is moving everything to the side of her plate like she always does. Hope you guys pass weight."

"Why?" I looked at Clara.

She narrowed her eyes at Ryder, "If you don't meet a certain wieght, they take you to the hospital, and they tube feed you."

"Yikes." I looked at my plate.

"Tell me Ryder," Clara smiled. "How does getting a tube crammed down your throat feel?"

They both narrowed their eyes, and I grabbed my bag.

"Where you going?" Clara asked.

"I don't like fighting."

"You fought with us they day you got here." Ryder said.

"Yeah, you did." Clara agreed.

"And I'm fighting with you now."

"Charlie wait!" Clara said.

I walked back to my room and grabbed my camera and then walked to my first class.

 "No one want's to start?" Group leader asked, as she looked around. "What about you Charlie. I'm sure everyone is interested in your Hospital visit."

"That's none of their bussiness, and I feel targeted."

"At least your using your words." She said. "I can keep you here all night, and you can miss game night if you'd like."

"Game night?" I asked.

"Every friday they toss all the kids into the dinning hall for game night. You play games or watch a movie in the play room. You want to paint a picture? Hey, head on down to the art room. Music rooms open, but space is small-"

"Thank you." Group leader stood up. "Sit down Ayelie."

So this was Ayelie. Black hair, black sweat shirt, and dark blue jeans. She whistled and pointed, and the kid sitting next to me, ran across the circle to sit by Clara. Ayelie sat down in the chair next to me.

"Hey, kid." She nodded.

I nodded back.

"Nice of you to finally join us Ayelie."

"Yeah, well apperanty if you miss to many of these group things people start to worry about you, and you get more time with the Doc." She tapped my arm. "What's your name."

"Leave Charlie alone Ayelie."

"Charlie." Ayelie smiled. "I like it. Perhaps You want to come with me to game night?"

"Out Ayelie now." Group leader pointed.

"Whatever Barbra." She smiled at me. "Catch you later Charlie. I'll be in the music room. Come early, so you know you get a spot. If you want." 

She looked over at Clara and Ryder, and snorted.

"See you hot stuff." She nodded at Ryder and then left.

After group everyone piled into the hall. 

Clara grabbed my arm, "Your not really going to hang out with Ayelie are you?"

I yanked free and saw