The Self Harmed by Chalen D. (libby ebook reader .txt) 📖

on the foot rest of Chloe's rocker. "School."
    "School." I sat on the rocker.

"You nervous?" He looked up at me.
    "More annoyed." I looked at him, as I put Chloe's bottle in her mouth.

"You?"

"Yeah." He stood up as Coltan began to cry.

"Let me get him." I handed over Chloe. "I haven't spent much time with him."

I walked into Coltan's room and scooped him up, he stopped crying, but not by much.

"What ever Caden todl you about me, It's a lie."

He looked up at me confused.

"I bet he told you I was come Crazy freak am I right?"

Coltan reached up and tried to grab my lip.

"That's what I thought."

I went down stairs and warmed up a bottle.

"OKay," Owen said, coming into the kitchen, with my lap top. "I did some recon."

"How did you even get inside?"

"The door was unlocked," He shurgged. "Anyways, I suguest you stuff yourself before we get to school becuase they're taking everyone who doesn't make wieght to the hospital to get a tube."

"Yikes." I siad, shoving a marshmellow into my mouth.

"Yeah, and paint your nails. They'll be looking at them."

"Yeah, yeah," I grabbed the bottle from the fridge. "Lack of nutrients. Got it."

 "Are you constipated?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you constipated?" Owen looked up at me. "Be honest."
    "Yeah." I looked down at Coltan.

"Side effect of your eating disorder."

"Really?"

He nodded, "Brittle nails?"

I split my middle finger nail, "Yeah.

"Is your hair falling out?"
I ran a hand over my pony tail, adn then looked at the clump of hair in my hand, "Yes, damn it."

"Side effects." He squinted at the screen. "If you take zinc caps and Biotin it helps with hair and nails. And if you eat iron rich food it helps with being constipated."
    "Why are you helping me cover up my eating disorder?"

"Do you want to graduate or not?"

"What foods have Iron in them."

He looked backa t the lap top screen and typed something.

"Let's see," He muttered. "Peas, beans."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah."

"Well?"
    "Pasta-"
    "Never mind."

"Didn't think so." He looked at the computer. "broccoli, Potato. But potates are bad right?"
     "Right."

"Prune, green peppers." He read off.

"Can you go get me some of those vitamins?"
    "Sure thing." He shut the lap top and left the kitchen.

A couple of seconds later I heard the front door open and close.

"Was that Owen?" Caden came in Chloe in toe.

"Yeah. He's heading to the store for me."

"What is he getting?"

"Why do you care?"

He just looked at me.
    "Vitaimns."

He pulled out his phone, and I got a sinking feeling.
    "What are you doing?
    "Calling him, "He put his phone to his ear. "I'm seeing if he can find any scar cream."

"What for?"
     "Why do you care?"
     "Becuase I love you."

"I love you too. Hey Owen, man pick up some cream. Thanks Bro." He hung up. "I think my scars are ugly."

"They're not." I shook my head. "They're beuatiful. They're untold stories. You shouldn't cover them up."

"Did you ever cover yours up?"

"Only with long sleeves."

"Well I'm not as strong as you are."

"Well you're just going to have to learn."

 

~Welcome home Sweet love!~

 The man at the meatal detector took my bag and set it through a belt machine.
     "Arms up, spread your legs."

I sighed, but listned.

The man ran a bar over me.
     "Clear."
     "Really?" I smiled. "Thanks."
     "Next." He waved Caden forward.

I got my Suitcase and headed into a Doctor's office. I changed into a paper gown, and set my clothes on my suitecase. A doctor came in.

"Hop on the scale please." Her oice was flat.

I Hopped off the bed and jumped on the scale.

"Turn around."
     "How much do I wiegh?"

"Turn around."
Bitch. I turned around and she messured my height.

"Sit on the bed."
I climbed back up. She gave me a normal check up, and then grabbed a pink bottle and a cotton ball from the cabniet. She poured something onto the ball adn walked over to me, holding out her hand.

"Are you serious?" I demanded.
    "Dead." She noded once.
I handed over my hand. She took the nail polish off my index finger, and then bent my nail. It bent, but didn't split. She gathered my hair in a pony tail and then looked at her hand after she pulled free. She actually counted the lose hairs, and then dumped them into the trash. She wrote on her clip board.

"Your free to go. Get dressed."
     "Thatss it?" I demanded. "Did I make wieght? Am I getting better? Am I dying?"
She gave me a stern look and left the room.

"Asshole." I muttered hopping down.

I changed grabbed my bag and headed down the hall.

"Charlie!"
I grinned. It wasn't the fact that Clara looked like she had gainned wieght, or her eyes looked alive, that caught my attrention, it was the fact that she was running down the hall at a speed no one with Anorexia could. She slammed into me and I droped my bag.

"Charlie!" She pulled back, her cheeks flush. "Guess what!"

She was dressed in black shorts, flip flops, and a pink tank top.

"What?" I questioned.
     "I'm fucking pregnant!"
     "What!" I yelled, and yanked her into a hug. "Oh my fucking God!"

"I know!" She pulled back. "Isn't it fucking great!"

"Yeah- Who's the Dad?"

She stopped being excited, and made a face.
    "Who?" I demanded.
    "Owen."

"What!"

"Yeah." She looked at me. "Is that wiered?"

"No, it's great!" I pulled her in for a hug, and then backed up touching her stomach. "Hi Baby! I'm Auntie-"
    "Charlie! Clara!"
We turned and looked down the hall. Ayelie broke out into a run, and slamemd into us.
    "What's up btiches?" She grinend.
    "Clara's Pregnant!" I announced.
    "What!" Ayelie grinned, and pulled Clara in for another hug, "You fucking Slut!"
    "I know!" Clara laughed.

"Have you guys seen Alex?" I asked.
     "He's in the lounge," Aylie touched Clara's stomach. "Hi, Baby!"

I dropped my bag off at my room and headed to the lounge.

"Now," Alex said to the group of people who sat on the floor in front of him. "The object of the game is to hit twenty-one." He handed out cards.
   "Hey Alex."
Alex looked up, "Charlie!" He dropped the deck, and jumped up, "Hey!"
    "Hey!" I grinned and pulled him in for a hug. "How are you?"

And I suddenly felt something. Something that I hadn't felt in so long. Alex was warm.

"Good, how are you?"
     "Good, I pulled back nodding. "Clara's pregnant."
     "I know," He grinned, "It's great. I'm so happy for her. She really deserves it."

"Have you seen Ryder yet?"
     "No." He shook his head. "No one has been able to find him."

"Alex!"

"What's up bro!" Alex hugged Owen.

I left the lounge, past the food hall and into the garden. Ryder was standing in front of the stones. Melted through candels closed them in. I steped on a stick, and Ryder turned to look at me.
    "Oh no you don't!" He said, crossing an arm over his ribs, and holding the other one up to stop me. "This is a new hoody. You don't get it."

I stuck my lip out and He sighed. He unzipped it, and drapped it around my shoulders. He then grabbed my face and kissed me.

"God, I missed you." He looked over my face.

His hair was darker, his eye's weren't sunken in, and his cheeks where a bit red.

"I mean look at you!" He grinned, "Red cheeks, bright eyes. You're even more bueautiful."

"I love you."

"I love you too," He pulled me in for a hug.

I pulled back, and shoved my arms into the jacket, "Soft." I crossed my arms over my chest.
Ryder kept touching my face, like I wasn't real. A brush of a knuckle over my cheek, a hand moving from my jaw to my neck.
"My Mom got mad at me when I came home and didn't have a jacket. I explained that I gave them to you. She understood."
I looked down.
   "Don't do that," He liffted my face. "Don't look away from me, Please. What's the matter? What did I do?"

He looked worried. Really worried. His eyes where starting to give off too much emotion. He was Recovering. Clara Was Recovering. I was the only one with an eating disorder, that didn't get any where.

"Does she think I'm crazy?"

"Who?"

"Your Mom."
    "Of course she doesn't think your crazy." He laughed, "She'd have to think I was crazy."
    "Well," I took a step to him, "You are kind of crazy."
    "Really?"
    "Yeah."
    "I'll show you crazy."

I thought he was going to spin me around or kiss me, but instead he took a step back from me. I reached for him, but he took another step back. I began to panic. My throat began to seal up, my heart felt like someone had grabbed it in a choke hold, my lungs began to burn, a wave of heat crawled up my spine. I didn't want to be away from Ryder. And that's the first time I felt it. The first time I knew I was really in love with Ryder. The first time I knew That I would do anything for him. I would die in his place becuase a life without him was just not a vison I could see. I tried to reach for him again, but He was already bending down on his knee. Oh, Tying his shoe, right. I clammed down. I though he was trying to ditch me. He dug into his jean pocket and pulled something out. He held his fist up to me, and then opened it. On his Palm was a ring, with all kinds of diamonds.

"You are crazy." I took a step back.

He grabbed my hand so I couldn't leave.

"Time is running out. I need to know that you'll always be around. That you'll always be mine. I'll give you everything you want. I'll take a bullet for you if you ever asked. I know you better then anyone you think does. I can hear your thoughts.

I can see how nervous you are. I know you feel like slapping me for just not slipping the ring on your finger without you knowing. I know you love me. I can see it when you look at me. When I hurt you, I feel Like I've just died. Like I went through self-harm, and Anorexia all over agin. And if I feel like that, How do you feel?

I'm supposed to be your partner, the one you can trust all the time, and when I let you down, I can litteraly hear another peice of your heart breaking. So, let me make it up to you. We can fight together, and push each other to get better. We can have our own family and warn them about the signs. We can try and grow old togehter. I mean how cool would it be to get over an eating disorder and self-Harm? And how cool would it be to get over it together?

If we stick together when we're sick, and we're still together when we're healthy, think about how bad ass we'd be!"
I laughed, wiping a tear off my cheek.
      "No one would be able to tell us no Charlie. We already went through shitty stuff, so we're set to go. We can do anything together. We can get a house, and a dog if you want."
       "A dog?" I questioned. "Really?"

We both hear a high pitched sream and looked over. Clara nad Ayelie where smacking the shit