Divorced Of Somatic Stupidities And Happily Married by Santosh Jha (self help books to read TXT) 📖

what I can as, we all need to accept that ‘righteousness’ seldom comes in ‘readymade package’.

As this you have done. You have to be ready for the last Big Thing – That is to acquire this fruitfully right ‘Communication’ to tell others as what you truly want.

Being young is so very beautifully marvelous endowment. Being young means, you are always open to learning and evolving fast and sure. So, meet your man or woman and be what you as a young person are best at – Communication Of Sincerity...!

Ask your man or woman – ‘Look, I am open to adjustments for compatibilities as married life would seek from both of us. Still, there are a few things, I need to see and find in my life-partner. We need to sit and talk over them. I accept that idealism is not readymade but there has to be some basic ingredients in a man and woman to hit the road to evolving together towards this idealism. Let us spare our best of time and space and invest on each other so that we could be assured of this ‘primary-chemistry’. If yes, we are there; if not, we shall happily wish each other the best in life as marriage must always be the union of two people, who can evolve together and hit the road to joys and prosperity together.’

The words are not important. Everyone can have his or her own choice of words but the sincerity of intent and artistry of open and compassionate communication is a must. Everyone must have this artistry of sincerely innocent communication to ensure that his or her desirability gets the best availability, for which he or she has the right compatibility.

Somehow, it is a humble but sad acceptance that in contemporary times, young men and women are not communicating well or, they are also not very sure as what is their own set of chosen compatibility. Naturally, confused desirability, with inefficient communication lands young men and women in precarious availability. Let this not happen...

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CHAPTER 8

Someone said it, “I can find thousands of ways to stand you wrong and myself right and you can find thousand plus logic to do the same. However, both of us can be right at the same time and still not find any reasonable wrong if we are in love.” What does this signify?

There can be as many interpretation of the statement as per different people’s perception. Realism, almost always stands as one shade of perception, in somehow competitive mode to other perceptions. Therefore realisms are seldom the same for two people. So, does this mean, when two people are in love, they can see and accept a singular realism as they have commonality of perceptions?

This sounds like a postulation based on emotional hypothesis with little logical back up! However, the core issue is not about having commonality of perceptions and therefore falling for a singular realism. Nobody should accept that love makes two people in intimacy see and accept a common perception. It may happen but is not the cardinal rule or theory of love.

Then, what the above-mentioned quote meant? How does it happen that two people can be both right at the same time and not see each other’s wrong, when in love, even when they still stand to have different perceptions about a realism? This needs to be understood and that understanding makes us accept as how love should be accepted in our lives and why love is so important life-living realism for all of us.

There is a popular example about lives of a group of people, who work together in a selected milieu. This is about mariners, who live together for 7-8 months on a 300-meter ship and most mariners accept that they have great fun and camaraderie when together. This is all about perceptions and core need of survival, for which our brains are wired. The mariners are a small group of people on a very limited space and they are living their lives in a tough situation at sea, where every single day, there are so many challenges. Each person on the ship has to be in tune with others to ensure that the ship sails safely and they reach their destinations in time and good shape. Therefore, everyone is in a mindset of accommodation and cooperation for a common cause. There may be people with competing perceptions and ideas, still, they keep aside their differences and accept an accommodative behavior and action, as only this can ensure not only his safety but also that of the ship. This then ensures wellness of all. This behavior is common for people working in mines, factories and other professions where life is at stake if cooperation and accommodation is not the primary instinct.

Love facilitates this similar sense of cooperation and accommodation. The person in love ceases to think individually and his or her first instinct becomes a mindset where collective wellness is the primary aim. Usually, we all think of individual safety and wellness. However, often, life-living wellness needs cooperation and accommodation in collective living. Love enhances the space of cooperation and accommodation in the collective domain of two lives in intimacy. Therefore, even when two persons in love have competing perceptions and ideas about things, they do not bring it to the fore as their primary aim is collective wellness. The ‘He’ and ‘She’ in love accept that if ‘She’ is not well, ‘He’ too cannot feel happy and well and the vice-versa. This primary instinct for collective wellness is the magic of love.

Therefore, as the above-mentioned quote states, love makes people agreeable, harmonious, cooperative and accommodative as the instinctive behavior and action shifts from individualistic wellness and satisfaction to collective wellness and joys. But this is just the first step. Lovers need to evolve together for good amount of time for this instinct of individualism to shift to collective accommodation and become primary one.

Gradually, as commonality and mutuality grows and evolves in time and space, the two people in love even start having common singular perceptions and that finally makes them see and accept singular realism of all things in life. This is fruition of love and intimacy.

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CHAPTER 9

The markets never fail to push this idea that ‘men are men’. However, as against the advert, the real men are a confounded lot. They ask, ‘what’s actually being a man and what’s so wrong being a man?’ The feminist psychologists are out with the jury, labeling modern man still being influenced by his ‘cave-man-gene’ and still not being in perfect tune with realities that the female world has evolved to.

The men are the confounded lot; they surely are when it comes to assessing their women. The men always have believed women are mysterious and this belief now has more elements of certainty. The men all over the world, especially in more urban-centric developed nations, where modern liberal culture has installed far more changes in women than men, find their women more mysterious. The men are confounded and ask why?

This is where the men go wrong and women probably say rightly that ‘men are men’. They should not ask ‘why’ but should always ask, ‘how’. Changes are evolutionary and when they happen, the smart way is to know ‘how’, never ask ‘why’. The universality and inevitability of change answers all ‘whys’. The solution is in knowing, accepting and appreciating ‘how’.

This cannot be avoided and wished away. Already too much damage has been done as the very important institution of marriage is withering because of this gender-misunderstanding. Surely, it is men who have to come around to the changes that are wreaking havoc on social fabric. Developed societies fear, as the divorce rate is already half the marriage rate, what is in store for future? That is, half the marriages are failing and that too in quick time. In addition, domestic violence and intimate relationship violence are hitting all time high figures. In urban spaces of most developing nations, the gender conflict has already well into initial gender war, with growing rates of crimes and atrocities against women.

There is a lot that has happened in the female world and that too very fast. However, the man’s intuitive nature and his instincts have not yet probably evolved in the same pace. Probably, it shall in future but currently it is in transition. It takes years of socialization for any minor change in one’s intuitive behavior pattern. Recent researches have confirmed, female evolution has been better compared to men.

The changes in the environment of females are all too drastic and men feel at loss because they do not know, often not willing to accept, how these changes happened and how to deal with them. Acceptance is the first prerequisite of any meaningful change in male behavior pattern.

Things have almost taken a U-turn for men. Until a few decades back, men would go to work and women folks would be in exclusive charge of the families and household. The men would face the rigors of the work place and when they would come back to home, they would expect their women to be nice, soft, sweet and caring. The women were their Wellness-Recharge Mechanism.

The men always said, ‘They can face the war with the world and still win it if their women supported them back home’. This has happened since thousands of years. Men seem to be still expecting the same as many young men are still seeing their mothers in the same old mould. It is part of their cultural mind and ingrained deep in the intuitive consciousness too. There is nothing wrong about expecting this. However, the evolution has added another equal face to this.

The women today are writing their success stories at work places. They are almost facing the same crisis and conflicts, which men faced since ages in the outer world of work and success. The women too are in huge need of a ‘Wellness-Recharge Mechanism’, which they had successfully provided to men for ages. They are now in a stage of life-living choices where they expect men at home to do the same for them. And why not? Home and family have always been this Wellness-Recharge Mechanism. The trouble is, as both men and women are now busy and successful in their respective work places, there is no one back home to handle successfully this age-old role of the wellness-recharge provider.

It has to be understood and accepted. Everyone, be it a male or female, has a limit to his or her goodness. You need a lot of goodness and wellness emotional intelligence at your work place for success and achievement. It is a two-way process. You give a lot of goodness and wellness at an outside environment only when you get it replenished by your family members and especially spouse.

We are now all nuclear families where the entire support system boils down to one person, the wife or the husband. Therefore, every wife and every husband has a lot of and exclusive performance pressure of being the replenish-agent of the precious goodness and wellness.

We all live in a very fast-paced and over-stressed life and living milieu. We are all starved for time. There is an epidemic level crisis of intimacies in relationships, especially between spouses, as we do not have enough leisure and rest. Already, a section of psychologists in America are warning of a huge crisis of ‘sex-less marriages’ and labeling it as cause number one for estrangements between spouses. The intimacy-starved relationships have triggered off the looming crisis of intimacy-anorexia.

Men need to be more proactive and rational in understanding the crisis as women are now in state of relative insecurity and big transition. This is so because they are up against the established norms. They may not right now understand the ‘process of evolution’ as they are more concerned in making a space for themselves in the universe of success and achievements where men ruled for centuries.

Men will have