Divorced Of Somatic Stupidities And Happily Married by Santosh Jha (self help books to read TXT) 📖

to be appreciative of the fact that the modern times are the times of reciprocal and equitable aspirations between man and woman. Men need to relook at women, their newfound personalities and their emotional as well as intelligence needs in the changed milieu.

This is just a simple case of understanding ‘how’ of an evolutionary reality of our times and just be a bit more appreciative. Both husband and wife need to talk on this issue. As men and women share their joint responsibilities at home, they must also take turns in being ‘Wellness-Recharge-Provider’ for each other.

And, as this happens, do also ensure that sex may be postponed between couples but intimacy must never wait. A daily dose of intimacy and that too a large one between couples is a sure wellness-recharge technique. Men are men, so they must take lead not only at work place but surely also at home.

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CHAPTER 10

There shall always be a cultural definition of all things and then, there is the definition, which you shall subjectively feel as the right one. However, there is one truth and righteousness, which is objective, neutral and singular. You may accept it or may not but, there can be rights and wrongs, on the basis of cultural definition as well as personal definition. However, there is an ‘appropriate’ thing and an ‘inappropriate’ thing, defined on the basis of its utility or futility in enhancing the survival and excellence of humanity as a race.

We talk here not the right and wrong, but about appropriate and inappropriate. This we decide on the basis of our mechanism, the mechanism of the environment around us and the relationship between the two.

It has been said, ‘What man/woman seeks is what he/she wants, and is not at all what he/she needs’. Humans are competitive animal; evolution designed humans this way. He or she needs to win, always, as it his or her survival instinct. This desire to win is beautifully expressed by his or her ego. Often, the survival needs and ‘desires’ lead him or her to seek and compete to win.

However, what he or she wants/seeks is not always, what he or she needs. Most people admit, the fine line, which separates what one ‘wants’ from what one ‘needs’ is tough to ascertain. This is tough but crucial as this fine line separates ‘appropriate’ from ‘inappropriate’.

We are talking about this issue as in contemporary marriages; both men and women are pressuring the structure of marriages and marital bliss by subjective ‘wants’, even when marital bliss ‘needs’ not much of them. There may be subjective rights and wrong for men and women in marriages but what the couple ‘need’ to install is the idea and idealism of ‘appropriates’ and ‘inappropriates’.

What an individual seeks is ‘Empowerment’. What society needs from him or her is collective ‘Utility’. Individual is guided by his or her survival instincts and drives and they make him seek personal empowerment at all cost. However, human is a social animal and he or she can survive and excel only in group and society. Marriage is the biggest and most crucial social need of individuals for wellness, which cumulatively go on to build up collective wellness.

Therefore, there has to be a balance, a poise, prudence and proportion between an individual’s desires of personal empowerment and his or her need for accommodation in marriage, family and society. A good culture has structures and functions, which ensures this poise. The culture, which cannot ensure this poise, is an ‘inappropriate culture’, the one we are gradually moving into now.

Therefore, what a man or woman ‘wants’, if it is in conformity and synchrony with what family and society needs, then what he or she wants is what he ‘needs’. The poise and proportion is then ensured. This in other term means – Individual empowerment must always create collective utility – this is the objective singular benchmark of ‘appropriateness’.

One simple but essential idea is – as an individual is constantly advised to recheck his or her ‘wants’, family and society also must always be liberal and resilient enough to allow a self-recheck on what it ‘needs’. This means, both individual empowerment and familial utility need to be evolving in tune with time and circumstances. This ensures poise for all. Otherwise, psychosis rules individuals as well as families and societies.

The trouble with our contemporary society is that not only individuals but society as a collectivity itself has surrendered to populism and the ruling machinery as well as the media also somehow extend support to the culture of populism. The populism is a culture, where people are guided and lead their lives more on the basis of their natural and unhindered instincts and drives. It is a culture where people indulge in what they want and never think of what they actually need.

This culture has its own trouble. When we give in to the populism, the instinctive demands of body, without thinking of the ‘appropriates’ of survival, excellence and holistic wellness in the long-run, we land ourselves in untold miseries. The contemporary culture is therefore in the storm of troubles.

Let us understand it with daily life example. The food we eat is felt until it stays up to the throat. After that the body mechanism, which continues to work upon the food, is not felt. The mind has 100 billion neurons and billions of other supportive neurons are working incessantly in the process of food movement from mouth to digestive system. However, we can feel and understand only a fraction of this operative mechanism.

This is our design. However, the real intelligent is a person, who does not divert his or her attention and focus from the food, even when it is past the ‘felt-zone’ of throat. We all need to be aware of and receptive towards the journey of this vital food down the tracts till its last processing. Populism is also like a short-term gratification desire, without the responsibility of watching for its impact in the long-term.

Doctors have been warning us. They say, “Own the onus of the food your mouth shoves to the body, as you are not just your tongue, but the entire body”. The idea is to convey the fact that usually, in our restrictive consciousness, we eat in loads what our mouth, especially tongue likes. It is true that the taste buds are restricted to tongue only and as the food goes down beyond it, we do not wish to remember and care about. This is because there is no pleasure of gratification of food beyond our mouth.

However, we are not only our mouth. Our body is an intricate and huge mechanism. There are long food canals, liver, pancreas, kidneys, heart et al and together there are millions of functions that go on within our body, which we do not consciously register. However, they are crucial for our survival and general well-being. The mouth is our conscious mind but rest of the millions of complex functions are handled by our unconscious mind.

A true intelligent person, cannot restrict its responsibility and attention to just the miniscule conscious part. The unconscious is also our onus as it is the larger domain, which essentially handles our basic health and survival. The real intelligent shall always know and respect the ‘details’ of the entirety of the ‘body-mechanism’ and shall own the responsibility of the wellness and success of all parts, not only one part.

It is clear that what we want is only a small part. Like it is just a small part to shove into our mouth what our taste buds want. However, what we actually need is a long process and responsibility. It is a collective decision of all other organs of our body, like liver, kidney, heart intestines, et al. Populism is about caring only for the instant gratification of mouth. It is about wanting only what our instincts and drives want from us. Intelligence is in being responsible towards the wellness of all body organs in the long-term.

If we indulge in populism, in the long-term, we degenerate our body-mind health and threaten our own survival. As we have talked earlier, culturally or personally, this may be right but from the point of view of survival and excellence of humanity as a race, it is ‘inappropriate’.

The conscious-mind in we all, which is restrictively concerned and knowledgeable about only a ‘part’ of the entire complex mechanism around us, can be ‘culturally and personally successful’. However, the true intelligent is a person, who shall definitively be aware and responsible towards the ‘whole’. The holistic, assimilative and integrative perspective towards the ‘mechanism, it its entirety is the hallmark of a true intelligent. This person shall not fall prey to populism and its associated calamities.

We cannot blame ourselves. It is our mechanism! The conscious part, the mouth, gives us tangibles as instant utility and fruition. The mind consciousness is bound to register the immediate advantage of ‘taste-satisfaction’ and extends instant thumbs-up. We eat a huge and rich creamy cake and feel so happy. The tongue gives us a huge thumbs-up as it registers big bonus on gratification-scale.

However, the burst of calamitous sugar, which goes inside the food tract and gets big disapproval and thumbs down from liver and pancreas are not registered on the satisfaction-scale. These organs are rather neutral. The mouth is a vocal and populist showman. The liver however is the silent worker.

The ‘true intelligent’ shall never have this tendency of giving in to populism. Rather, this intelligent person shall always have the poise and perspective to see the picture in entirety as this person understands and is responsible towards the ‘mechanism’ not in ‘parts’, but in holism and assimilation.

The ‘intelligent’ shall never be swayed away or blown out by populism, as it has the holistic perspective to understand that ‘success’ is not in pampering the mouth with all it ‘wants’, it is rather in ensuring the larger health and wellness ‘need’ of the whole body. The ‘intelligent’ understands, “Success is not in having all that we want for instant joys; it is rather in the prudence of having what we actually need for persevered satisfaction”.

A real intelligent human is not one who needs to think and then behave and act good and ‘appropriate’. Rather, it is one who does not have to think as all his behavior and actions are instinctively bound to be good and ‘appropriate’. You don’t consciously remember when you ride a cycle or cook a meal as it is instinctive, even when they were once learned behavior. Objective goodness is also learned behavior but when you repeatedly practice it, it becomes instinctive.

Marriages and persevered marital bliss is all about evolving to an assimilative, integrative and holistic perspective about life-living purpose. This is not easy. That is why we have already stressed that falling in love is instinctive and it is what everyone is designed for. However, marriage is not an automatic eligibility. Marriages need qualification, which we consciously evolve and mature to, with persevered insistence on arriving at this readiness of holism of consciousness. Marriage is an enterprise of higher consciousness for those, who understand and accept the idea of true empowerment. Men and women need to be in ultimate readiness of this wellness enterprise of life and living. All best…!

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Accept My Gratitude

Writing something is a daunting task as there is always a lurking apprehension of it not being of utility for some readers. I however feel at ease, because of my faith in magnanimity of readers. I am happily sure; you shall forgive if my efforts could not be up to your expectations. Thank you so much for being with me and allowing me to share with you. Wish you an empowered life; with the prosperity of the consciousness.

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About The Author

People say, what conspire to make you what you finally become are always behind the veil of intangibility. Someone called it ‘Intangible-Affectors’. Inquisitiveness was the soil, I was born