Divorced Of Somatic Stupidities And Happily Married by Santosh Jha (self help books to read TXT) 📖

By Santosh Jha

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Copyright 2017 Santosh Jha

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License Notes

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Preface:

We all live in very complex and fast changing milieus, where the first casualty is poise and equanimity of consciousness. The drift takes its toll on cognitive realism. Both men and women are coping hard with milieus outside; in professions especially. For both men and women, troubles may be varied in degrees of intensity but troubles have the same origin. Both men and women struggle in milieus outside but when they come home, they surely need to have a heaven, where both men and women should feel rejuvenated, so that every morning they move out, recovering their poise back. Home is where we have all things, which we lose outside. Home is where we have all things, we do not find or cannot attain outside.

However, most home milieus have troubles. Our contemporary homes are surely missing what they should ideally have. In such un-replenishing home milieus, the man thinks, most troubles are because of the woman and woman thinks the man is creating them all. The reality is, most women fail to understand their men with a standpoint, which the men have and hold dear. Men do the same. They don’t care to see and accept the women’s worldview and perspective. Once the home milieu loses poise, even small issues blow out of proportion.

It is never that everything in a marriage or intimate relationship is wrong and troubled because either man or woman created them. Both have their fair share in most troubles around. This needs to be seen and accepted as the basics of mutual wellness in marriages. Man or woman must never treat one’s own wellness as separate from the wellness of his or her partner. Individual wellness must never be considered as competing domains.

Men and women need to see and accept the basic reality that for a man and woman in intimacy and mutuality, wellness is a collective and singular domain – an Inclusive Entity. The individual domains of wellness of husband and wife are so inter-linked, inter-dependent that segregated solutions don’t work. Rather, they are calamitous for the very sustenance of mutuality and intimacy.

Life and living successes are all about this very intricate mechanism of wellness. Men and women need to step out of their individual domains and see and accept the utility of building planks of mutuality and symbiosis in marriage. Man-woman mutuality is huge component of life-living wellness. A man is a man, he has to see and accept. He has to lead. He has the larger onus of success on his shoulders, when it comes to organizing the success of wellness enterprise of mutuality and intimacy. Men surely can do it...

Acceptance, somehow works magic for compatibility and cooperation. Different entities may not necessarily be competitive as complementarities are better with distinct things. This is a difficult acceptance, seems only metaphoric but surely has core pragmatism and practical utility for all of us...

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At The Very Outset…!

Marriage always has to be a special thing for everyone. However, the sad reality is that this world of humanity has many mismanaged contradictions but two things were the most mismanaged. First is marriage and second is the conception of a child – both issues at the core of wellness of both men and women. Almost everyone has seen worst and nastiest of marriages, be it what we popularly term as love marriage or an arranged one.

Globally, the systems of marriages are flawed and the worst managed. One really wonders; how little thought goes over this important issue of humanity. Sure, it seems, humanity has failed in evolving a universally accepted and practically aesthetic system of such a beautiful and important life event as marriage and the more critical necessity of required readiness to welcome a child in the family. When we look at it, we find it to our bewilderment that how humanity has created so much utility and consumption for good life and living but failed miserably in making basic and primary things as good and beautiful. That’s why it needs to be accepted that there is something majorly wrong with our mental training that helped in creating a world order we all have lived in since ages and continue to do so.

Somehow, it seems, there is this general view that Birth, Death and Marriages are beyond human capacities. This ‘Made in Heaven’ psychology seems to have led to this casualness in approaching the three most important events of humanity. That’s why there is so much chaos and mismanagement in these three events. Though, this casualness is also milieu-driven.

Amazing it is that we leave simple things; which we should do ourselves, to God and take up all difficult tasks ourselves. Men would do the unthinkably onerous and difficult tasks of challenging nature and God. Men would walk in space, climb Mount Everest without oxygen, make its own clone and the list is endless. But they never spare few moments for readying themselves for basic things like marriage, birth of their child and their own death. You need to prepare and be in final readiness for marriages and birth. We all need to prepare hard and be very timely in readiness for our deaths.

Tragically, we humans are least prepared and in readiness for the three most essential and basic events of life but spend all our time, energy and resources in readying dispensable utilities and consumptions.

We shall talk later in some detail about being in the conscious state of ‘readiness’, before entering the domain of marriage, however, it is important at the very outset to enlist the need for both man and woman to see, understand and accept that marriage is a huge enterprise and needs loads of preparedness beforehand, so that when marriage happens, the two souls are in perfect readiness for it. Naturally, for that to happen, man and woman must first evolve through a mutuality-mode consciousness. There has to be an acceptance that marriage requires a different state of consciousness, as against the singular individualistic one. It is important that man and woman build up on this symbiotic consciousness by enlisting a ‘Mutuality-Mandate’. How?

For example, a man and woman wrote-up a ‘Constitution’ together of their marriage for both of them to follow. It just reflected of their consciousnesses jointly envisaging, how for them mutuality is going to unravel in their marriage. The constitution reads as:

Preamble: The two rationally endowed people – a woman and a man; physically, mentally and spiritually sound and mature; in decisive and total possession of love and compassion for each other and all; otherwise resourceful and capable of free will and independence of body and mind; hereby declare the aspiration and commitment for an assimilation; fully understanding and accepting the utility and desirability of such a union called marriage to attain the higher purity and purposes of life together; that otherwise is uncalled for. We as woman and man pledge and give ourselves to become wife and husband in absolute humility and inclusive objectivity.

The Constitution then goes on to list the seven pledges –

The wife and husband shall strive and ensure, through thought and action that the roles and aspirations of each, as woman and man, are supported and enhanced through collective endeavors in best of meaning and spirit.

The wife shall support the husband with total dedication for his endeavors to augment security, peace and organization in the marriage whereas; the husband shall devote himself completely in his wife’s initiatives to enhance the quotient of sanity, civility and beauty in marriage. In case of a conflict, the agenda with larger good shall prevail; otherwise, preference shall be given to latter.

Conscious and copious efforts shall be made to design and devise platforms of togetherness and common actions of wife-husband. Individualism needs space within oneself so, there shall be very little physical space left for individual actions. Wife and husband shall be together and do together all possible activities in all possible ways. Togetherness and commonness is the essence of marriage but it does not come naturally to woman and man; necessitating endeavors aimed at its complete integration.

The wife and husband shall observe complete transparency in thought and action in matters individual or common. Transparency shall always prevail even as time, space and circumstances necessitate divergence of opinion and action. Wife and husband are exclusive to each other because each one is the only person in front of whom; other can be nakedly transparent in consciousness and still not be ashamed but the happiest. Lack of transparency alone shall be the ground for breach of trust in marriage.

Innocence shall rule most matters and decisions in marriage. Intelligence shall always be a back up device; emotional intelligence shall prevail over intelligent emotions. Marriage is an institution of ‘Conscious Choice’ and therefore, visceral and instinctive stupidities shall not be indulged; it shall however be duly assigned its proportionate weight. Innocence shall be the ultimate wisdom of marriage; the wife and husband shall strive to preserve and promote it through their efforts, individual as well as common. The success of marriage is in continuous and copious enhancement of prosperity, defined in terms of the sense of collective well-being. Both wife and husband pledge and accept that the benchmarks for this well-being shall be emotional fulfillment and abundance of innocence.

There is a perfect acceptance to the fact between wife and husband that marriage is a small heaven within this infinite universe which is full of conflict, contradiction and resultant violence. The wife and husband therefore pledge and accept that in the heaven of marriage, violence, both of thought and action, shall have no place. All conflicts and contradictions shall therefore be brought up with utmost transparency and listed. The wife and husband hereby agree that such listed issues shall be brought to bilateral discussion only and that too when both are in best of the state of body and mind. Any of the two, who shows first sign of violence of thought, will automatically lose his plea. The concept of collective well-being will be the guiding prudence for resolution of conflicts and contradictions. Non resolution will be preferred if a mutual resolution is not arrived at. The final say however shall be of the wife, in her exclusively individual/bilateral capacity, as sanity falls in her personal side.

Love and compassion shall be the core virtue of wife-husband relationship. Even in the worst of situations between wife and husband, in the long journey of married life; the husband shall remain with his wife, in thought and action, as a Father-figure to her. The wife shall, come what may, remain with her husband, in thought and action, as a Mother-figure to him. Marriage can cease to be, love and compassion can never. The wife-husband shall remain mother-father to each other, even in separation, till death lets them apart.

Different couples may have their own version of this constitution of marriage but the simple idea is that both men and women must accept the need of ‘investing’ satisfactory and optimum amount of mutually arrived tangibles and intangibles in ‘mutuality-domain’, as marriage is one hugely crucial ‘enterprise’ of life-living wellness. In action and thought, both men and women must show up this sense of propriety and purpose.

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Let This Sink In…

The man and woman mutuality and the raw element of core intimacy in the marriage are surely no business of ‘intelligence’ of words and language. All elemental and core utility have no words, only the primary sounds and raw acoustics of avowals. The music and dance